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Drew: It could be even a hernia or torsion. It needs to be checked out.
Adam: Well, let's talk hernia for a second here, Drew, because, as you know, I have the hernia going on myself.
Drew: Oh! That's right.
Adam: Yeah. I've been living with it for about eight years now. Seems to be all right. Been, uh... You know, it's kinda up above, you know, got that nice bulge.
Drew: Yeah. That's a different kind. Yeah.
Adam: It's kinda gone away, and it comes back. And sometimes it's bulging out, and other times it's just flat. And sometimes it's a little tender, and then most of the time, it's nothing. I'm feeling a little dull pain in the nut sack...
Drew: Oh!
Adam: ...on the hernia side.
Drew: Really? Interesting.
Adam: Yeah. Now it's not... You know where my hernia is?
Drew: Yeah.
Adam: Right?
Drew: Yeah.
Adam: It's not down in the nut sack.
Drew: Right.
Adam: Just a little on the right side, a little comes and goes, little dull... That have any connection to the hernia, possibly?
Drew: I don't remember exactly where your hernia is. It's possible.
Adam: I'm not going to show you, but uh... You know, because modesty prevents me from showing you, but... It's that bulge, it's right, you know, it's right in that...
Drew: It's not in the crease.
Adam: No.
Drew: It's above it. It's above...
Adam: You know that part of you that's almost like... Like, if you started... If you took a camera and started panning down, you'd think maybe you were looking at a vagina, and then -- oh! -- there's a penis and balls. You know, right at the top of the hair line there? Half on the hair, half on the belly kinda thing.
Drew: That shouldn't cause pain in your testes.
Adam: All right. So what is this?
Drew: If that kind is tender, though, that needs to be operated on.
Adam: What kind? What tender?
Drew: The hernia is tender in that area.
Adam: Yeah, but it's not tender.
Drew: All right. You said it was sometimes tender up there.
Adam: It comes and goes.
Drew: One of these times it might get twisted in there, and stuck, and that's bad.
Adam: I was told by a doctor just to wait 'til it hurts and then go get it operated on.
Drew: That's what I'm telling you. And you started telling me it's starting to hurt.
Adam: No, no. I'm saying my nut hurts. The hernia's fine.
Drew: You said the hernia hurts once in a while.
Adam: I'm telling you that my hernia bulge comes and goes and is tender once in a while. But, like...
Drew: That's significant.
Adam: No, but it is no more than it was eight years ago.
Drew: All right. Okay, all right.
Adam: And "once in a while" means twice a year for half a day. Nothing painful.
Drew: All right. I don't think the nut sack has anything to do with it.
Adam: All right. What is the nut sack, then?
Drew: I'd have to examine it to... [Laughs.]
Adam: Well, it doesn't look like anything. It's nuts hanging down.
Drew: I'm gonna have to...
Adam: No no no no. No. No. What would you be feeling for? I'll do it myself.
Drew: Cysts, and infections, and tumor.
Adam: Okay. What kind of infections would you feel?
Drew: The epididymis can get enlarged. The spermatic cord can be thickened.
Adam: Maybe I'll try it on myself and you talk me down. You know, like you're a pilot, but I'm... You're up in the control tower and I'm landing the plane.
Drew: Yeah, all right, let's get on the phone together. Oh, Internet!
Adam: Let's just do it now. I'll just put my hand down my pants.
Drew: You have to stand up.
Adam: Why?
Drew: 'Cause they have to hang down in order for that to happen.
Adam: My nuts hang when I'm sitting. They just hang down, like, towards...
Drew: Come on. Bring it on.
Adam: All right. Got a bunch of people in the next room.
Drew: They're participating in this! They're very intrigued.
Adam: All right. My hand is on my right nut now. Now, that's where the feeling is.
Drew: All right. You gotta reach under it, you gotta sorta grab it like you're squeezing, like, a fig or something.
Adam: The whole nut?
Drew: The whole thing.
Adam: Just the right nut?
Drew: Yeah. You're not reaching right.
Adam: I got a pretty good size nut ball in there. I never really examined it.
Drew: Is it the same as the other side?
Adam: Oh. Let me see. Oh, wait a minute. No, it seems a little bigger!
Drew: Oh!
Adam: It seems quite a bit bigger, actually!
Drew: Oooo!
Adam: Oh, Jesus Christ. This is bad times.
Drew: Oh! How did your test go, by the way?
Guest Dicky Barrett: It lived under the car seat for about a week.
Drew: Hang on, Dicky, this is important.
Adam: It's important.
Drew: He examined his own teste [sic] last night on the air.
Adam: Yeah. It's nice.
Drew: This is why we need TV cameras in here. People really missed out on that moment.
Adam: I felt my teste. I felt a little pain in my right teste. You know, when I got home, I felt it, I felt each one, they felt about the same. Felt nice.
Dicky: They both felt good?
Adam: Yeah, they both felt good.
Drew: So they... The one wasn't as enlarged as you thought it was?
Adam: No. You know, here's the deal: if you put one hand down your pants... When you're at home, you can probably take your own pants off, you know, if you draw the shades...
Drew: Well, let's do it all now.
Adam: No, no Drew. Let's not do it. The point is, you put one hand down, and you feel one nut, and then you feel the other nut, they feel more different than if you put two hands, and you simultaneously feel each nut. Is that true, Drew?
Drew: Yes.
Adam: Nice.
Drew: And plus, they're flipped around, so it's hard to get a perspective sometimes.
Adam: Yeah. They felt nice. Felt nice.
Drew: Nice.
Adam: Had a little victory jack when I was done. I thought, "It's time to celebrate, boys. Nice work. Thanks for not having cancer. Here's to you. Let's pop the cork on the penis."