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Home > Transcripts > Amber Benson > November 2, 2000 |
[Dr. Drew is phoning-in from Las Vegas.]
Adam: Hey Drew?
Drew: Mmm-hmmm? Mmm-hmmm?
Adam: Why is it every... well, I don't want to say every one... but every other bio I get has the wrong time or date for the TV show that I'm supposed to be plugging on our show?
Drew: It's extraordinary. I remember... You know when it really started standing out is when they put in on a card in front of a camera during our TV show. It had the wrong network on it.
Adam: Yeah. And you know, it's funny, it just goes to prove my point which is: everyone wants to do everything but their job. You know what I mean? This is the publicity department, this is the nuts and bolts of their job: figure out the night, and day, and network, and do not f--- that up. Forget about the other stuff. There's stuff on here about Amber having a Dalmatian named Penny...
Amber: [Off-mic.] What?!
Adam: Is that right? Do you have a Dalmatian?
Amber: [Off-mic.] I... I take the fifth.
Adam: Speak into that microphone. Please.
Amber: Why would they put that...? Oh no!
Adam: Do you have a Dalmatian?
Amber: I do. I have a Dalmatian.
Adam: Named Penny?
Amber: Well actually, her name's Pennsylvania.
Adam: But you call her Penny.
Amber: Yeah, we had another one named Pittsburgh. Don't even ask.
Adam: The point is: that's correct. That part's right. They got the "Dalmatian named Penny" part right. They just screw up on the time the show's on. All right. Well, anyway -- "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Amber, you play a lesbian witch.
Amber: Yes I do. [Giggles.]
Adam: And, you know, Amber's a little crazy, but in a fun way, Drew.
Amber: I am not! Just -- my water was frozen.
Adam: Yes. And it thawed and it broke, Drew.
Amber: [Laughing.] No!
Drew: Now... 'lesbian witch'... Does Wicca include lesbian witches?
Amber: Um...
Adam: Yeah. Oh, they're all lesbians, those Wiccans. Aren't they?
Drew: That's the question.
Amber: No no no no. I think just because the character that I portray happens to be a lesbian who's interested in Wicca... You don't have to be a lesbian to be interested in Wicca, though. That just happened to be what was going on with my character.
Adam: But you do have to be at least seventy pounds overweight and sort of off-the-market from a dating standpoint.
Amber: For a Wicca or being a lesbian?
Adam: Yes. Which is the biggest lie on television. Yes.
Amber: No no no no. Beautiful women are into Wicca. Beautiful women are into Wicca.
Drew: Only in movies.
Adam: In movies. Right.
Drew: Who was the other Wiccan we had in there, Adam? The other night?
Adam: We had a beautiful, slender, young gal... who was here...
Drew: The new Blair Witch Project.
Adam: Right. She was in here from that project. And she basically told me that all the Wiccans that she studied were fat. She had to hang with a bunch of Wiccans to kind of, you know, research the role and they were all fat.
Amber: Somehow, I can't go with that big generalization that every Wiccan is overweight.
Adam: No. There was one skinny one. She was stoned in 1842...
Amber: No...
Adam: ...by the fat Wiccans.
Amber: I think you get all shapes and sizes with anything.
Adam: No. You do. You get a variety. You get big, large, and husky. [Laughs.]
Amber: That's not funny! I took lots of pot-shots about my weight on "Buffy"...
Adam: You did? What's wrong with your weight?
Amber: I'm five-four and I weigh a hundred and eighteen pounds. Just... because I'm not a stick... You know, they take pot-shots at you.
Adam: What do you mean? Your weight's fine.
Amber: I'm fine! Look -- see? As I lift up my sh... -- not my shirt, my sweater. I have a shirt underneath that one.
Adam: That's right. She's not wearing a bra or a shirt under it, but...
Amber: That's not true!
Drew: The only reasonable explanation for that is that everyone else has an eating disorder and they're jealous.
Adam: Yeah.
Amber: And a lot of it actually came from people on the Internet and people who are not affiliated with the entertainment industry. I think that because we have this skewed image of what is attractive nowadays, you have to be anorexic-looking or looking like you came out of a concentration camp. You know? Anybody who's not that gets kinda lambasted.
Adam: Well, listen. Here's the deal about television...
Amber: So I'm sensitive about my weight! All right?!
Adam: No kiddin'.
Drew: Wow.
Amber: [Laughing.] I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.
Adam: Hey Drew, I told you she's a little nutty. Hey Drew, can you get a flight back here? I'm nervous.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Drew: You gotta come out here. What are you talking about?
Adam: Oh yeah, that's right! Do the rest of the show from Olympic Gardens over there. Let me tell you something about television. It's a relative thing. Like, most people on TV, they're good looking, but they're small people.
Amber: Yeah, they're just all very petite.
Adam: Yeah. Even the guys.
Amber: No, you're tall. And you're on TV.
Adam: I know. But that's a fluke. That will never happen again.
Drew: Were sort of large guys, and everyone thinks we're small.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Adam: Yeah. Because we're the same height, basically, and people do the math. Meaning, you know... All the guys, all the hunky guys on TV, whether it's, you know, Luke Perry...
Amber: They're all very small.
Adam: ...or Michael J. Fox, or whoever these guys are, they're usually little, little guys.
Amber: Little petite boys.
Adam: And Drew and I are always... Drew, what are you? Six-one and change?
Drew: Yeah.
Adam: What am I, a quarter -- I gotta be -- what am I, three-eighths of an inch taller than you?
Drew: Yeah.
Adam: Thank you. All right, Amber's also on The Prime Gig, which is a new movie which will be coming out in about a hundred years. No -- when is that coming out?
Amber: Uh, January. I think, I think -- I don't know for certain.
Adam: Speaking of tall, Vince Vaughn is in this...
Amber: Oh yeah. He's awesome. Very tall guy.
Adam: ...and Ed Harris, and Julia Ormond, and... Wow. It's a pretty good cast.
Amber: Very nice cast. And they're very nice. We had a really cool time making that movie, so...
Adam: Vince Vaughn's not gay, is he?
Amber: I would doubt that highly.
Adam: You would?
Amber: Yeah. He gave off heterosexual vibe.
Adam: He did?
Amber: Definitely to me. I mean, maybe. I don't know. I don't go to... you know, home with him, or anything. I don't know. [Laughs.]
Adam: You know, I did this Coby Bryant celebrity, like, "Bowl for Pediatric Aids" or something. It's weird when they combine stuff like bowling and brain cancer.
Amber: I know. It's sad.
Adam: It's kind of a weird thing. But anyway. And it's always funny too...
Amber: But it's for a good cause, so...
Adam: Yeah, but whenever I do something like that, people go, people always go, "Hey hey hey. Thanks. Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for making it. Thanks for coming out." And I'm always like, "Hey, I like bowling! I give a rat's ass about the pediatric aid!"
Amber: "Forget the charity!"
Adam: "This is free bowling! I gotta guy going across the street to the Dale's Junior trying to get a six-pack right now. Are you in?"
Amber: No, I go to movie premieres because it's a free movie and free food. Because I've been starving for nine years.
Adam: I don't even know what Coby... I swear to Christ, I don't know what Coby Bryant is raising money for, but all I know is, it's free bowling for me. But I was there, and I saw a guy, one of the other -- [Laughs.] "One of the other." One of the celebrities... one of the celebrities was bowling, and there was this guy, and he threw the ball like a girl. Like a girl throws a ball. Not one of the husky lesbians on the ladies' pro bowling tour. But I mean, kinda like a girl. Like... Drew, you know when you bowl? Drew?
Drew: Yeah.
Adam: You know how guys bowl angry? Like they try to hurt the pins?
Drew: Yeah. They heave it.
Adam: They heave it. They launch the ball. They get that sorta Fred Flintstone run at it and they just try to wallop the pins.
Drew: Yeah. And in fact, the ball doesn't even roll -- its slides.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Adam: Yeah. It slides. Like mine actually has a backspin on it, like when you throw a Hula Hoop on a front lawn. Right? And I saw this guy roll the ball, and I was like, "Oh, Jesus, is that a chick?" And it turned around, and it was Vince Vaughn. And Vince Vaughn came and he sat down a couple seats away from me...
Amber: Oooh. I should have known this story had a point. [Laughs.]
Adam: Yeah. I started watching him. And he moves... he's very fluid.
Amber: Yeah, he's very graceful.
Adam: He's very -- yes -- graceful. I don't trust that graceful. He's like a ballet dancer.
Amber: Well, Dean Martin's kinda graceful, and those guys...
Adam: Oh, please. He was drunk and tripping over folding chairs. Not graceful.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Drew: Sloppy and graceful, not the same thing.
Adam: Yes. The point is, Vince Vaughn, has a very sort of fluid, willowy... Drew, you know how when you sit, you cross your legs like a chick?
Drew: And it pisses you off?
Adam: Drew sits... You know how Drew sits? He crosses his legs like he's wearing a miniskirt on "The Mike Douglas Show".
Amber: You've got yours crossed right now.
Adam: I'm doing it. I'm doing it to show Drew. No, you know how guys cross their legs? A guy crosses his legs by putting his ankle on top of his knee.
Amber: A little breathing room, huh?
Adam: Drew crosses his legs by putting the inside of one knee on top of the other knee. Do you see what I'm saying? Things that, if you have genitalia...
Amber: I don't know if I would personally, like, go -- you know, if I were you -- if I would go into this whole, like, you know, girly thing, because you knew all about triple Salchows, and axels, and ice skating stuff, so...
Adam: Drew knew about the Salchow. I only knew about the camel.
Amber: You knew the camel and the axel. You knew the axel.
Adam: Yeah. I know. Well, he has to. His wife would kick his ass. All right, Drew. What am I doing? Picking the calls tonight?
Drew: No, I'm doing it.
Adam: Oh, you are? Oh. You just hung up on line number one. [Laughs.]
Drew: Oh. That was a good one, too.
Adam: Yeah, they're going to commit suicide. Ah ha ha ha!
Amber: You're mean.
Drew: Well, we can try to get them back.
Adam: Whoa ho ho ha!
Amber: You're mean!
Drew: Still there? Line one?
Adam: Mike?
Caller: Yeah.
Adam: All right, what's your problem?
Drew: We got him.
Caller: That was kinda weird.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Caller: All right...
Amber: I just haven't met that person yet.
Adam: She lives with her mom.
Amber: [Laughing.] Shut up!
Adam: She's twenty-three years old.
Amber: Shut up!
Adam: Her mom drove her because she doesn't have a driver's license.
Amber: [Laughing.] Shut up!
Adam: She's too distracted to drive an automobile.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Adam: She's never had sex with a man.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Adam: What is up? What happened?
Amber: And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong.
Adam: Oh, ho ho ho... now. Come on, Drew. You wanna make a diagnosis?
Drew: You're going to crack her?
Amber: [Laughs.]
Adam: I don't know. I just think...
Amber: What?! No!
Adam: No. Your parents were on you too much, too early, or something -- over-domineering, right?
Amber: No no no no. I just think... For me personally -- and this has no, like...
Adam: What was your childhood like? You did a lot of reading?
Amber: I did a lot of reading. I was a dork. I admit that freely. I was a big dork growing up.
Adam: "Was"?
Amber: [Laughs.]
Adam: One of those vivid... Hold on...
Amber: You know what? You know what?
Adam: Oh, how dare you?
Amber: I'm not talking to you anymore.
Adam: Oooh, how dare you? Listen, you were one of those kids with a vivid imagination. Right?
Amber: I'm an actor for god's sakes. Come on.
Adam: Right. Right. But were your parents dragging you out to auditions when you were four and that kind of stuff?
Amber: No. Oh, no, no. I'm from Alabama. I'm a nice southern girl.
Adam: Whose idea was it for you to act?
Amber: Me.
Adam: You?
Amber: Oh yeah. I love the camera. I'm a big ham.
Adam: You when you were two-and-a-half?
Amber: Not two-and-a-half!
Adam: How old were you?
Amber: Oh god, I don't know. I didn't start until I was fourteen out here. So, you know.
Adam: Really? How long were you acting in Alabama? Can you act in Alabama? You get shot in Alabama...
Amber: You can do community theater in Alabama, which is awesome. I did a lot of that.
Adam: Really?
Amber: Yeah.
Adam: How old were you when you started?
Amber: Oh I don't know. I think I was, like, eight.
Adam: Eight, maybe six?
Amber: I don't know. I was into dancing. I was a hyper child, so she put me in everything.
Adam: Head shots?
Amber: No no no no no...
Adam: When did you get your first head shot?
Amber: Oh, I don't know. I think when I came out here and I was fourteen.
Adam: All right. All right. I'll set you slide. Poor mother's cringing over there.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Drew: She may be super-healthy, Adam.
Adam: I think she may be. Yes. I'd like to make you my wife.
Amber: [Laughs.] No, I just haven't met anybody that I, you know... I haven't fallen in love. And I think, for me personally, until I find that person -- whether it's marriage or not -- I just, you know...
Adam: Okay. All right.
Amber: You know -- that's just me.
Adam: You're not religious -- just crazy, right?
Amber: No, I'm a mutt religion-wise.
Adam: Right.
Drew: As far as Ryan goes, to get back to that call...
Amber: Yeah. Now that we've segued into my pathetic life...
Drew: I'm more concerned that that sister may have some boundary issues, maybe have some sexual identity issues. And, you know, the fourteen-year-old that's blowing through boundaries strangely, and experimenting with same-sex... I mean, it suggests something happened to that sister.
Amber: Well, playing doctor at fourteen is a little...
Drew: ...bizarre.
Amber: Yeah. That is really strange.
Drew: And so, it's not about being gay, it's about being disturbed. There's something going on with her.
Adam: Thank you. All right. Wes, you're twenty-nine?
Drew: No no -- we got to go to break!
Caller: Yeah.
Adam: You've got red dots on your penis?
Caller: Yeah.
Adam: All right. What is that, Drew?
Drew: He's very excited about them. I need to hear more.
Adam: You don't need to hear more. He needs to go get it checked out. You can't help him.
Drew: Of course. Of course.
Adam: So why don't we tell him to go get it checked out? We talk to some yahoo with dots on his dork every night. It's the same call. You know?
Drew: It's the dots-on-dork syndrome. Yes.
Amber: [Laughs.]
Drew: There's a new Dr. Seuss book, in fact. We're going to have an STD Dr. Seuss book.
Adam: "See dots on dork."
Drew: "See dots on dork."
Amber: [Laughing.] Oh no!
Adam: Yeah. That's right. "Hop on pop, and then put the dots on your dork."
Amber: [Laughs.]
Adam: We'll take a little break. Amber Benson is our guest tonight. Twenty-three, a virgin, everybody...
Amber: Oh shut up!
Adam: ...mom drove her here tonight.
Amber: [Laughing.] Shut up!
Adam: All right. We'll take a break, we'll be back.