Monday, September 8, 2003
The
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Monday, September 8, 2003Dr. Drew mentions his book signing at Vroman's in Pasadena: "I wanna thank people tonight at the Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena where I had a book signing. It was really a lot of fun meeting people there. My book is called Cracked. [Laughing.] How 'bout that for opening the show tonight! Shameless plugs! But it's a book that I spent the last couple of years writing, and it's about my experiences dealing with addiction and disease that -- you guys know -- I think is important to understand. And I hope you all support me and get that book and read it and learn from it, most importantly, or pass it to your friends and make them read it." The book signing was attended by his wife, Susan, and his agent, Valerie Allen.
Adam auditioned for a role in Taxi:
Drew: You did an audition?
Adam: Yes.
Drew: What?!
Adam: Yes. Once a year. Yes.
Drew: You stooped to that level?
Adam: There's a new movie coming out called Taxi with Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon and... I don't know if I should be insulted by this, but... I read for the role of "Fat Cop".
Drew: [Laughs.] "Fat Cop Number Two?"
Adam: Just "Fat Cop". It's always insulting when they have "fat" in front of whatever it is the role they want you to read for. It was just one of these things where they called last minute, they this and they that. I'm such a prick. They were like, "Can you come in Monday at around five o'clock?" I'm like, "Where?" "Fox." "Which one, out on Pico?" "Yeah." "No. No. No. I'm not gonna sit in traffic for three hours so I can not get this part."
Drew: That's not being a prick; that's being a human being.
Adam: Naw, but I just do, and I suggest everyone else do this too. I said... And they always do it too, they'll go, "Monday's the last day we'll do it." And it's always like, "Well, all right then, fine." 'Cause look, you know you're not gettin' the role! So, I said, "I'll do it Tuesday, but you gotta do it at eleven-thirty." So, I showed up at twelve and did it.
Drew: That's good.
Adam: Yeah, it's fine. And then when I was done, the woman was like, the women I did it with, they were like, "That was good. That was great. I mean, we feel good." You know, I was like, "Eh, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it." They're like, "Well, no, no! I think maybe..." And I was like, "Listen, who we kiddin'? I do one of these a year, just so I can say I did it, I'm going home." And she's like, "But you may have..." And I was like, "Save it for an actor who needs it. I mean, I'm not trying to be a prick; I'm just sayin', there's a five percent chance I got this role. That's fine. I got plenty of gigs. I'm going back to 'Jimmy Kimmel Live' and then I got to go do 'Loveline'. There's plenty of stuff goin' on. So don't worry about it."
Adam said he also auditioned for Saving Private Ryan: "Just some small, nothing part. [...] I actually remember watching the movie and seeing the part that I screwed up. It's kinda nice."
Thursday, September 11, 2003Drew met Adam's dad for the first time tonight on the set of "Jimmy Kimmel Live":
Drew: I met Adam's dad for the first time tonight. Quite an experience.
Adam: [Sips his coffee.] Mmmm. Picked a great... My dad... Drew, has my dad ever went to anything I've ever done?
Drew: Never! I was shocked!
Adam: He called me today and he's like, "I wanna come out and watch Jimmy's show tonight."
Drew: Wow!
Adam: And I was like, "All right." But, he came out on 9/11.
Drew: I know. It's interesting. It's sorta macabre.
Adam: It's like the worst night we've ever had, he's there; and then... By the way, that will be the last time he ever shows up to anything. So, when he's... His dying thought will be, "I saw my son once in something, it kinda sucked, and that was it."
Guest Ralph Garman used to be Adam's roommate. They met at the ACME Comedy Theatre and lived in a three bedroom house in La Crescenta with a guy named Courtland (also from ACME).
Ralph: Lot of parties up there. We had a big pool and a jacuzzi, and we had a lot of parties.
Adam: Yeah. Had some good times. Good times up there. Yeah.
Ralph: It was during that time that Adam started to work with Jimmy, actually. That's when he started doing the Mr. Birchum character on KROQ and that kinda stuff. I was bartending 'til three in the morning; he would fire up power tools in the living room doin' a bit over the phone about six-thirty A.M., which was always great. The bandsaw goin', I'm trying... I gotta hangover. [Makes bandsaw noise.] Run power tools in the living room. We had good times. It was fun.
Engineer Anderson has a film tattoo. He came to Drew's book signing at the Barnes & Noble in Santa Monica last night.
Adam: Engineer Anderson is not only a cynic and part-time prick, but a...
Drew: A student of film.
Adam: ...a student of film. He has a film tattoo. Actually a ribbon of film going around his, uh... right elbow?
Guest Wilmer Valderrama: Very passionate about it. That's great.
Adam: He's a passionate, passionate man when it comes to film.
Anderson: I didn't know you noticed. Thanks, Adam.
Adam: Oh, buddy. I miss you.
Anderson: I miss you too, buddy.
Adam: All right.
Drew: Yeah, you know, in fact, Anderson came to my book signing.
Adam: Oh, he did?!
Drew: Yeah, my friends that cared about my projects...
Adam: Well, you had it in some, like, beach city or something. You can't expect me to come out there.
Drew: Yeah, at least five minutes from Culver City, you're right.
Adam: All right. Good times.
(In fact, Anderson's tattoo is on his left arm.) Later in the show, Drew says that "Loveline" fans are under represented at Cracked book signings:
Drew: "Loveline" listeners not been that well-represented in the book-buying world there.
Adam: I'm shocked.
Drew: I wanna see them show some support.
Drew reveals that he wanted to call the book Getting It at one point. He's working on a documentary with ABC News Prime Time: "We follow a guy who's having trouble getting it, and then, one day, gets it." It will air in November.
Junior Producer Lauren insults Adam and Drew:
Adam: I just asked Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior [laughs] Producer Lauren what she's learned from doing this radio show.
Drew: Watching us work.
Adam: She said, "Well, you don't have to prepare."
Drew: "You don't have to be educated."
Adam: "You get to leave early. You don't have to be that educated."
Drew: Not educated.
Adam: Yeah, be uneducated, be good. "It's luck, and it's who you know." And, what else? I think there was another one or two on there, too.
Drew: [Laughs.]
Adam: Well, whatever it is.
Anderson: Was she speaking for herself?
Adam: No! She's talking about what...
Drew: ...what she's learned from watching Adam and me work.
Adam: Yes.
Anderson: But she could be speaking for herself as well.
Adam: Well, it's possible. It's possible.
Drew: For her job.
Adam: All right, Anderson. Quiet down, or I'm going to ask her what it takes...
Drew: To be an engineer.
Adam: ...to be an engineer. She's gonna say, "A mouth that can fit a lot of penis in it."
Drew: [Laughs.]
Adam and Drew go on about Junior Producer Lauren's comments from last night (Adam: "I'm never gonna forget that"). The conversation began with KROQ Engineer Chris. Adam: "I said, 'Well, Chris, what have you learned from watching Drew and I work over the last couple months over here?' [...] He said, 'Well, learned it's not good to prepare, you can say anything, [...] you shouldn't look on the Internet before the show.' Which you could do; you never seen me do it, that doesn't mean you couldn't do it. So Chris has picked up, really, 'zero preparation'. [...] Anyway, just for kicks, I asked Junior Junior Junior [...] Producer Lauren what she's picked up from working [...]."
Anderson: Lauren's a little drunk right now, too.
Adam: Oh, no!
Drew: She's over there smiling and giving thumbs-up to all these...these... these, uh, [laughing] quasi totally insulting comments she made!
Adam: But listen, you gotta be able to drink in order to mask the pain of the sorta random universe we have, where -- for some reason -- some people hold a position of power and get the big bucks, and -- for other completely random reasons -- other people don't. I mean, you gotta drink. You got...
Drew: How else would you deal with it?
Adam: I don't know, yeah.
Drew: It's all random.
Adam: Yep. All right.
It's revealed that Lauren is twenty-three years old.
Adam's wife Lynette calls the show, but hangs up before getting on the air.
Lynette's call is explained (and the 'F' word slips through):
Drew: Did you figure out what your wife was callin' about last night?
Adam: My wife was calling because -- she didn't want to go on the air -- but she wanted to tell you that she yelled at me the other...
Drew: [Laughs.]
Adam: She doesn't like...
Drew: That's the funniest thing of all: when she yells at you. I love the whole image. If people could just see that.
Adam: She doesn't like me peeing in the sink. Okay? And I tell her that, "First off, you knew what you were gettin' into with me, and that's -- you know -- that's what I do; that's who I am." You know what I mean? That's like wanting me to change religions or start rooting for another football team. You know what I'm sayin'?
Drew: Yes. To stop peeing in the sink. How dare she? I'm outraged. Adam, oh my god.
Adam: So she said... She does a lot of complaining while I'm asleep, often times; and then, what I do is I yell things at her when I'm asleep that she finds entertaining later on. Because, I'm actually at my best when I'm asleep; I'm funnier than I am when I'm awake. People that listen to this show could tell you that. So, she said... I don't know. She got up early in the morning, and she went into the bathroom, and she was disgusted or something, and she came out, and she said, "Do you have to pee where I brush my teeth?" And I yelled back, "Do you have to brush your teeth where I pee?" And I don't know why she found that amusing. So now she tells everybody that story.
Drew: Do you... Oh, it's very funny. How is it she knows you have peed there? Do you splash?
Adam: I don't know. I don't...
Drew: I'll remind you that you gave me a whole crap load of grief for splashing onto the toilet seat one time. You splash onto the drain where your wife does her morning...?
Adam: No, she's fine. Occasionally you find a pube on the edge of the sink or somethin' like that. It's all right.
Drew: Oh, that's what it is. I see. I see.
Adam: Drew, ever since you told me that... Well, there's two things.
Drew: That urine is sterile?
Adam: You told me that urine is sterile. It's -- "Pow!" -- game on with whizzing in the sink. And then...
Drew: Yeah, but your sack's not sterile. That's a fuckin' Amazon jungle.
Adam: Oh yeah. Yeah. I usually just... It's a Petri dish. I just set that right on the sink. I set it right on the edge.
Drew: Oh! For god's sakes. Oh my god.
Adam: It's good times.