The
Loveline
Companion

This is what to look for. Don't settle for anything less:

People in relationships and people who are married spend a lot of time talking about what they want in their relationship and what they want their partner to do and not do. The things they want usually fall into the category of things they "would like to have," like more sex or a new house. It seems that they spend very little time thinking about what they really need; what characteristics fall under basic necessities for their relationship to work. It's important to realize that if you don't have certain key ingredients in your relationship, you will ultimately find it difficult to sustain while also respecting yourself, your needs and your desires. Take a look at this list to see if your relationship measures up and think about what things you might want to alter to make it stronger...

1. Are you with someone who puts your needs before his or her own on things that are really important to you? Everyone wants what they want, when they want it. However, when you love someone, you need to compromise and, at times, choose to put his or her needs before your own.

2. Are you with someone who provides stability in the relationship and is willing to discuss the future, how you will live it together and both of your hopes and dreams? It's important to be with someone who isn't on the month to month plan, but who, instead, has an eye on the future and the life that you can build together. It's unsettling to be with someone who doesn't have his/her eye on the future because you are always on edge, thinking that on any given day, the relationship could change.

3. Are you with someone who is proud of you, impressed by you and thinks you're great? It's important to be with someone who is your biggest cheerleader; after all, if your partner doesn't think you're really terrific, who else is going to?

4. Are you with someone who shares your sadness when you are unhappy and wants to help you feel better? Life is not always easy and has a lot of ups and downs. You need to be with someone who knows that special way to get you out of your funk and can help you work through your upset.

5. Are you with someone who is patient with you, especially with the little things, because love for you keeps him or her from getting irritated with you? At times everyone can be a little difficult, but if somebody loves you, they need to be able to see beyond that and be patient with you.

6. Are you with someone who gets amused by you, instead of upset, when you do something silly? We all do things that we think are 'normal' but other people might not; your partner needs to support your silly even if he/she has a different brand of it.

7. Are you with someone who makes little gestures when you least expect it just because he or she to see you happy and smile? Happiness is one of the key ingredients in life. It should be of utmost importance to your partner that you are happy regularly.

8. Are you with someone who expresses how he or she feesl and gives you positive affirmation everyday? People tend to feel better about themselves when someone in their lives regularly reminds them how great they are and lets them know that they are loved. Your partner should be that person for you.

9. Are you with someone who comes up with fun things to do together, but who is open to doing anything with you, just so you can spend time together? It's common that two people in a relationship might not necessarily have all the same interests and hobbies. However, if you enjoy each other's company, you should want to spend time together regardless of what you're doing or where it is.

10. Are you with someone who considers you his or her best friend? Everyone has friends with whom they are close and with whom they share secrets and concerns. However, at the end of the day, your significant other is the person you are building your life with so he/she needs to be your main confidante and ultimately needs to be your person.

—pookie

Today I went to see my therapist. I told her I was hella nervous about moving because I don't like change. I also told her I was tired of being alone and that the idea of being alone for the rest of my life was really depressing. She said it might be God's will for me to be single for the rest of my life. I told her if it is, I hope I die soon. She laughed like I was exaggerating. I wasn't.

Jesus. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Somebody smack me! No more of this Drake shit.

—acm

best friend? I'm not sure about that one.

—Kevin-U-in-Depression

"Somebody smack me!"

*more* sex talk from acm, what's new...

Allison, you are more likely to be alone as long as you fret about it. Go out, live a fulfilling and happy life, and you'll find yourself in a relationship with man (and his satisfying cock) soon enough - continue to perseverate all hours of the day, and you'll scare guys away.

—Kevin-U-in-Depression

that just seems like too much work. I can't imagine a straight man being best friends with a girl.

—L_to_the_A is back!

a. my husband and i are best friends in that we enjoy being with each other more than being with anyone else.

b. alison, what kevin said. plus, companionship comes in many forms. you sound like you need more good friends.

—pookie

acm - fuck God's will and fuck anyone who believes in the concept of it.

not trying to offend you, but you will go fucking crazy trying to figure out what an imaginary being wants you to do with you life, and at the end of the day any conclusions you come to on the topic will either be ones forced upon you by an authority figure (therapist) or projections of your own beliefs.

ditch that therapist, and find a nice secular one.

—ZT-In

pookie - I love you to bits and I think the world of you. But I also think your views on relationships are quickly becoming anachronisms. I'm sure it all made more sense a generation ago, and I used to have high expectations for my generation to surpass the baby boomers in just about every imaginable way. It's beginning to dawn on me that that we're just as greedy and the objects of our greed aren't any more novel or admirable, they're just bloodier. The whole game is more vicious now. I thought my generation really understood solidarity, I was wrong.

"He who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself; and if you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze into you." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

—ZT-In

her therapist brought up God?...I had those same feelings, but then I got some dick. I think all she needs is dick and a cute guy to text her. yes?

pookie - I love you to bits and I think the world of you. But I also think your views on relationships are quickly becoming anachronisms.

They didn't have instagram and chattroullet back in young pookie days. Fuck these men and their lust for big-titty blondes on instagram.

—L_to_the_A is back!

acm - A social psychologist just confirmed Lena's intuitions about the All Blacks dance, so you'd better listen to her.

—ZT-In

zeet, thanx for the compliments. i think you are right to a large degree that my frame of reference is from a different generation. but i also have nieces and nephews in high school, college, and older. they were raised in families where no one ever got divorced and it's common for family members to celebrate their 50th anniversary. all these young'uns seem to be carrying on the same traditional family dynamics. although each successive generation brings a certain number of changes, i think it's more of a cultural, rather than generational, phenomena.

—pookie

"I used to have high expectations for my generation to surpass the baby boomers in just about every imaginable way. It's beginning to dawn on me that that we're just as greedy and the objects of our greed aren't any more novel or admirable, they're just bloodier. The whole game is more vicious now."

you're not sounding like an "80s baby"

"80’s Baby is more of a mentality. A slightly fucked up-cutthroat-entrepreneur-ish fuck you old school niggas y’all stuck in the 80’s mentality"

also, nietzsche would have been a dope blogger

—he sounds like a delight

Kevin U and pookie: I do need more friends. That would definitely curb the loneliness. I have friends at work, but we all have different scheduels and a lot of them have kids or school. So it's hard to see them on a regular basis. I should go on meetup.com again. That's how I found my writing group. I made some friends there. I only stopped going to it because a lot of people stopped showing up.

Lena: consistent dick is a good thing. Not sure how long that one is going to last. Enjoy it while you have it!

ZT: she is a Christian therapist. She advertised herself as a Christian therapist. So, hey...it's not like you don't know what you're getting into.

—acm

1. Are you with someone who puts your needs before his or her own on things that are really important to you?

so according to whoever wrote this, in an ideal relationship you should be looking for the other person to put your needs before theirs if something is "really important to you". what if they see this list though and think that you should put their needs before yours when something is really important to them? lots of stuff in life is going to be important to two people, like kids, where you live, even what you eat for dinner. both people are told by this list that the other person should give them their way. logical consistency fail. i don't think anyone should look to someone else to meet all their needs, go out and get a life and stop looking to ur bf gf to be everything to you.

—stellagold

Therapists are awesome. It's like working through your issues with a really expensive friend, who's constantly judging you.

—HocusPocus

i'm about to get 3 hrs of sleep tonight cuz my friend and i met this crazy motherfucker at a bar who let us ride his segway.
do you guys ever have fun? or do you sit around and feel sad that you don't have a warm dick to tuck u in? i feel like i never hear fun stories from any of yall.

—mandee

acm - It's nice for her that she's found a niche, but at the end of the day religion and therapy are different things. Christianity and therapy are very different things. Of course, there are people that make go go juice using good secular psychological theory (e.g. helper theory) and the better parts of religion (sort of like 12-step does) and that can good for some people, but the mix is what's important.

When you don't have cocktail, it's like what you need is a tequila sunrise, but what you're doing is drinking straight grenadine. You need to mix that shit with the orange juice of service and the tequila of people with shared experiences and maybe the crushed ice of love.

—ZT-In

hslad - I don't know if I'm hip enough to understand the difference between the 80's babies and the non-80's babies, but I know I wouldn't say/do most things on that list. Some near exceptions being: I like the Roots but never bought one of their albums and if I had the cash and time around '06 and Tribe was coming to town, there's a decent chance I would have been there.

I really liked Midnight Marauders but didn't discover it until like four years after it was out.

—ZT-In

Kevin U should say "satisfying cock" a lot more. Mama like.

—catloaf

stel, i get what you're saying. the scenario you described is some kind of dysfunctional, co-dependent suckfest.

i'm talking about two people who care about each other and have each other's back.

i see plenty of relationships where the husband or the wife has to ask their spouse permission to do something. kill me now.

it's quite different to have two independent people who care about each other and take each other into consideration when making decisions.

ie> i almost never eat the same dinner as my husband. i eat what i like when i'm hungry and he does the same. if i'm all snuggled up and comfy on the couch, i'll ask him to fetch something for me and he's happy to do it. i do the same for him.

i wanted to go on a trip and he didn't, so i went and he didn't. i have to say that he never goes anywhere without me, but that's his choice.

i can't be with someone who is needy or someone who can't make a move without my approval. it makes me want to punch them in the face. conversely, i can't be with someone who needs to be apprised of my every step.

when a relationship is based on real love as opposed to emotional dependence, you have the comforting feeling that there is always someone in your corner looking out for your best interests without suffocating you or sucking the life out of you.

edit: btw, zt was right. whenever we climax, we shout out "23 ski-doo!"

—pookie

Therapists are awesome. It's like working through your issues with a really expensive friend, who's constantly judging you.

—HocusPocus

attn: Laith

—Dusty TheHick

i like turtles

—000

me too. turtles rock.

—stellagold

attn: Laith

Apparently you didn't get the memo. Laith has deserted us now that there's no hope of nailing Lena in the afterlife.

—catloaf

I love the image of Mandee geeking out on a segway followed by me laying in bed as a huge dick with arms tucks me in.

:-D

—acm

Go to your local meat market and you'll eventually be approached by a huge dick with arms.

—he sounds like a delight

I took a preg test 13 days after intercourse, and it was negative. My period was supposed to come this week, but it's late. I could be the 69& percent who have low hormones that are not easily detected. However First Response claims it's 99% accurate on the day of a missed period. That's marketing for you. I have another urine test with planned parenthood tomorrow. Could it be that I stressed myself out this past week, or the cramps I had earlier were a result of early period/hymen rupture.

—L_to_the_A is back!

i seriously, seriously, seriously doubt you're pregnant. it's possible that your stressing out is what's making you late. but on the off chance that you ARE pregnant, what do you plan to do?

—catloaf

Yeah, the nurse at the clinic said that you can test 10 days after unprotected sex, and we used condoms that did not break/slip. Also I had sex 2 or 3 days after ovulation with a condom.

—L_to_the_A is back!

—ZT-In

I thought that said "Feminist Hitler Reacts to MOFTW"

—catloaf

Apparently you didn't get the memo. Laith has deserted us now that there's no hope of nailing Lena in the afterlife.

attn: Laith

—bguirk

:-(

—acm

I told my mom about this guy, and her response was that I shouldn't invest too much into it, and that I'll find someone else. She has NO IDEA that we banged.

—L_to_the_A is back!

banging is an investment in yourself.

—ZT-In