The
Loveline
Companion

Yeaaaah Got to Get It ON!!

So I've been enjoying life lately, been making money, savin up, going to class, etc, partying on the weekend, occasional weekday, the typical college life. I needed a break in the monotony, so I bought tickets to Adam's Irvine show, since I know a girl that lives in Costa Mesa (10 minute drive from the club) and I have an automatic free stay there for as many days as I like because they have a huge house and no other kids, and the parents like me because I'm polite.

Anyway, I leave Fresno at about 2:00, and I typically get there (with my elevated speed and efficiency) within 3.5, 4 hours max if there's heavy traffic, so I should have plenty of time. Get about 75 miles in and see a sign that says Grapevine Closed 50 miles ahead. So being topographically retarded, I call my dad and he says "There's no other way to LA, you have no choice but to turn around", And I'm thinking "damn, what a huge missed oppurtunity, not to mention waste of gas and 50 bucks for the tickets. So I nearly turned around right there, but decided just based on nothing to keep driving forward, and one of my friends texts me and says he mapquested it and there's a way AROUND the Grapevine, so I'm elated, but then in a subsequent text, he mentions that Mapquest predicts me to get there at 10:05 from my current location, and the show's scheduled to end at 10. So, basically all signs say turn the fuck around and stop being a hard-headed tard. Hard headed tard has a nice ring to it.

Well, again based on nothing, decide to just drive fast and go for it. So I'm in the diamond/fast lane by myself for the majority of the trip, only switching lanes to get around Dirtbags that go 63 in the fast lane and are 100% content having someone ride their ass bumper for a span of 5 miles...but I digress. It's raining uncontrollably, fog up the asshole, btw the grapevine was closed for SNOW and anyone that lives in central/southern California knows how ridiculous that is. I just keep driving through this seemingly end of the world weather, and about an hour into it, I hit this surreal tranquil reprieve, all the snow cleared away, the rain stopped, and the skies cleared just above me, nowhere else though, it was impossibly serene and green. It was like I was driving through Iceland. Or Greenland. Or Switzerland, or New Zealand. Something ending in "land". And just beyond one of the hills peaked out the most vivid, gorgeous, crystal clear rainbow I had ever seen. It was unexplainable, it just totally took me by the heartstrings, if I had not been in such a major rush, I definitely, positively would have pulled over and just basked in it's glory, it was the perfect sign that I had made the right decision to keep going. It was also surreal because it truly appeared like I was going to drive right under it, there was a spot in the hills I was driving right past that it actually looked like it was illuminating the ground, the proverbial "end of the rainbow", and I could see the entire half circle too which was another oddity, anyway sorry to bore here, it just really struck a nerve with me. And just the best way to describe it was amidst this shitsnowstorm that seemed hellbent on keeping me from seeing my hero, was this copacetic reprieve just to ease my doubts. I took a video of it, but needless to say the video does it no justice at all, but if you've ever tried to take a picture of the moon or something in nature from a camera phone and been less than dissatisfied with the results, then you can appreciate the setting i vividly described here.

Ignore the butchered Jimi Hendrix impression and the whistling that follows. That song incredibly fit the mood perfectly, I couldn't have hand picked a better song, and that one just randomly decided to play on shuffle, things just work sometimes. Also I can't figure out how to tilt the video, the iphone has is embedded like this, oh well, just eat a taco while watching, bam solved your dilemma.

Anyway, I know I'm channeling anobody here, but just bear with me, my recent dearth of posting can shoulder the blame for this excessive post. I kept driving along paranoid with each passing minute that I was going to show up and be turned away from being too late, which would be heartbreaking after the journey. It's raining like crazy the rest of the way, and I call the girl that's supposed to meet me when I'm about 20 minutes away and she's shocked, she and her mother both predicted I wouldn't get there till 10 at the earliest, and I arrive at the destination, Irvine Improv in the Spectrum mall, at no joke 7:57 to the dot, I throw a nice shirt on and sprint to the club, there's not a single soul outside and it's a mall, which was eerie, and I get there, no one outside, the employee then escorts me to what seems more like a restaurant than a comedy club and seats me in the front row! I couldn't believe it! It probably housed 200 people and I was definitely the last person to arrive and somehow got an excellent seat, I'm assuming because someone dropped out. There was a door in front of me that literally would hit my chair if I scooted out a couple inches, and so I sit down at 8:03, and guess who walks out of that door, LITERALLY 45 seconds after I had been seated?

Adam himself, I could've punched him in the balls it was the greatest. He passes me and gets on stage and delivers, in my mind hands down the funniest and most original live performance yet. His stand up killed, and each of the guests did not disappoint. I listened to the Brea one and it fucking sucked, the first couple shows were a lot about his kids getting raped and Anne Frank and Huell Howser, and (ew) fecal matter potty humor, but this night was my night and he strayed from all of those topics and just killed it. I don't think I've ever laughed more sober in a 2 hour span. Anyway the show ended and me and the girl that met me there (20 minutes late, I didn't give a shit though, I barely even said hi when she sat down, despite not seeing her for the past 4 months) went to go get his autograph. He signed my In N Out shirt I had, (I don't like the ACP shirts, I think they're ugly, and this one had classic cars on it, plus he loves INO so I figured he wouldn't mind) he didn't, and I even gave him a spare one I had which is especially funny because in the show he complained about Lynette giving his Hammer shirt to Molly to wear, so I told him to give Molly this shirt instead and he actually smiled and sort of laughed, so my goal of returning the favor to the man who's made me laugh thousands of times in the past can be checked off my list. Then the chick took a picture of us, and mentioned how I drove 6 hours to get there, and Adam's manager or henchmen or someone was astounded and said "6 hours?!, Wow that's by far the furthest distance traveled, how would you like to be our guest for the next show, on us?" And I was taken aback and obviously took him up on the offer, so he actually went and wrote and printed up another ticket, I don't know that guy's name but he was so nice, my eternal gratitude to the man.

So I proceeded to stay for the next show, and might I say, it may have exceeded the first, Adam get's quicker on his feet paradoxically when he gets a few beers in him. A couple more random factoids that were proof that it was just my day, in between the shows they played "Omaha Stylee" by 311, which is a song from a CD by them from 15 years ago before they became popular and before they ever had a single, also consequently a song I love, and it just kinda was like a cherry on top sort of deal. Also in the second show Greg Fitzsimmons made a joke about Filipinos which really struck a chord with me and that whole interview with Adam calling the Zodiac Prediction guy a Passive Agressive asshole was just downright hilarious. The second show ended and I drove to the girl's nice house in Costa Mesa and got into bed in "Andrew's (My) Room" as she calls it and just sat there and I looked over and my favorite book ever, "The Gargoyle" was sitting on the bedstand and I just thought, wow today really is the best day ever. And to think at 3:30 that day I was facing giant marquees telling me the grapevine was closed and my dad telling me there's "NO other way to LA".

Weirdest part of the entire day was that morning, no joke, I was in my bathroom at home and there was for some reason a fortune cookie in there, which is strange too because no one else except me uses the bathroom. Anyway I ate it and read the fortune, thought nothing of it and put it into my wallet just almost absentmindedly. But when I lied down and took out my wallet from my jeans, it opened and the fortune fell out and I was aghast when I read it, I don't buy into anything like this, but this was just uncanny. [The fortune is on the book in the pictures below]

I mean, the day was just picture perfect, I don't put this on here to brag or be a douche, I just had a great day, and figured I'd share with you kids because you guys actually ENJOY Adam Carolla unlike 90% of my friends. Everybody has those horrible no good rotten days like Alexander or whatever the fuck his name was, but there are the yin to that yang as well.

The fortune, my favorite book, and a penguin happened to be there too for no real reason, but it made me happy being my favorite animal.

Sometimes I look at a picture of myself and think "Wow you look like a fag". This is one of those times. I don't typically look like this, I blame it on nerves and my dorky smile.

It was impossible to take a decent photo because there was a Mexican man next to me that kept telling me to put my phone away.

I just thought this ferris wheel looked cool from my perspective and turned out to be a fairly decent picture. I love palm trees.

—anfernee

NOIIIICE! (even though you didn't say tlc mandee says hi)

also when i first saw the picture of the book and the penguin, i thought you had brought your own little penguin to this girl's house and i was like a mixture of awww and yeesh.

—mandee

way to go, fern!

—pookie

just eat a taco while watching, bam solved your dilemma.

ahahah

—Dusty TheHick

dayuum bitch, all them wurds and shit! somebody read 'fern's post and sum it up for me in ten billion words or less.

—catloaf

he saw a raynboe n met adam.

—mandee

oh.

OSSIM!

—catloaf

whoz adam?

—lexieho

u r a very positive individual.
though i never woulda done the trip, if i had i'd just complain about the shitty drive and the freeway/storm screwing me, adam not being funny (ive never laughed at his standup), and presumably not having sex with the costamesa girl.

—000

I'm not going to read that, but judging from the exclamation points anfernee had a good prison furlough this time yes?

—bguirk

u r a very positive individual.
though i never woulda done the trip, if i had i'd just complain about the shitty drive and the freeway/storm screwing me, adam not being funny (ive never laughed at his standup), and presumably not having sex with the costamesa girl.

Yes this is true, I am very optimistic, but I enjoy driving, and as long as I got there on time have nothing to complain about. I agree about Adam's stand up sucking, but this show was the ONE I did think was funny, maybe it had something to do with being 15 feet away from him, but I really think I would've laughed just as much listening to the podcast at home. And as far as sex, she's an ex-gf, and I most likely could have had sex if I really wanted to and put forth an ounce of effort, but I have before many times and it wasn't that great, had to think of other girls I'd slept with to get off. She did want to introduce me to one of her friends but I said I wasn't interested, lol, my day was good enough didn't want to taint it with girl drama.

—anfernee

lol "taint"

—Dusty TheHick

Sup dusty? You need to post more, brother, I don't feel as though my proverbial "hole" has been filled with enough Dusty Dirt, it's like got enough room for a futon. Ya feel me?

—anfernee

I think the important thing is, you've realized you're gay, and you don't have to hide your rainbows anymore.

—Kevin-U-in-Seclusion

hahah i know, damn gays have forever tainted the rainbow. I love colorful clothing, and rainbows, and tye-dye hippy shirts, but that shouldn't make me by association gay. I used to only wear black and navy blue shirts for the most part, but after going to a rave for the first time while rolling, it really gave me a new appreciation for color. It sounds insane but I swear it to be true.

—anfernee

shouldn't this thread be titled--I had no choice but to get it on?

—bguirk

So lucky you met adam. Glad you're back!

—Natalia Carolla

thanks girlfriend! I'm probably gonna go again soon, maybe back to the Irvine club, it was a great experience, I encourage everyone with the means to go

—anfernee

anfernee that was a truly enjoyable read. good post. and that video suddenly makes me want to take a roadtrip with you..

btw, i think you're being overly self conscious about the picture, i'm not gonna say that you don't sometimes have that weird look in photos, i get that a lot myself, but you look good in that one.

—jizzgrenade

its ironic he didnt get it on
but i envy the lower sex drive

—000

anfernee that was a truly enjoyable read. good post. and that video suddenly makes me want to take a roadtrip with you..

btw, i think you're being overly self conscious about the picture, i'm not gonna say that you don't sometimes have that weird look in photos, i get that a lot myself, but you look good in that one.
Thanks brotha. I wouldn't be opposed to one. And I let people smoke weed all day in my car because I don't believe in contact highs, so that wouldn't be a problem.

but i envy the lower sex drive
It's not so much lower, there just hasn't been any real stretch of significant where I wasn't getting any since I first lost my virginity in high school that sex isn't really that big of a deal to me, it's more of a routine now. Not that I don't enjoy it, it just loses SOME luster.

cue *You're Gay* drop.

—anfernee

shouldn't this thread be titled--I had no choice but to get it on?

i think man date suits it fine.

—stellagold

The more I read of fern's post the more I started to crave turgid dongle.

—ZTgeist

—airking32

airking now only communicates with us via ms paint. :(

great story 'fern. sounds like an epic evening. i could use one of those. 2010 has been a real yawn after a quasi life affirming NYE.

—plurry

2010 is almost over, really.

—ZTgeist

what happened on NYE plurry? if you've already posted it, just point to the thread

—jizzgrenade

went to a packed rave by myself tripping with a thousand+ people i didn't know, and danced to great music without a care in the world as i depersonalized, abandoned the ego, and melted/integrated essentially becoming one with all the joy surrounding me. when i got home (the drive home was also amazing), i felt reborn.

—plurry

I like anfernee's neck. It's long. Probably one of the most important features on a guy.

—Natalia Carolla

lena wants to bone a giraffe y'all!

—mandee

went to a packed rave by myself tripping with a thousand+ people i didn't know, and danced to great music without a care in the world as i depersonalized, abandoned the ego, and melted/integrated essentially becoming one with all the joy surrounding me. when i got home (the drive home was also amazing), i felt reborn.

Wow, that's really awesome dude, I'm happy for you! Isn't it incredible how E can just unify strangers and solidify happiness and positivity inside yourself? And also at the same time feel really fucking good? Haha man really glad to hear you had a great time, I haven't rolled since the last rave I went to, which was EDC last year in June, and I don't think I will again anytime within the next couple years, but I still hold it in a high regard and have never had a bad experience with it. Great memories, and great love and positivity abound, raves are epic events.

—anfernee

tripped, didn't roll. couldn't find any, but i didn't really try. someone i know came across (shut up, dusty) a shit-ton of acid last summer, and i bought a bunch on the cheap. been nipping at it occasionally over the last six months.

—plurry

oh pfft well nevermind then lol, my post makes no sense now. lol well still good that you had a great time. why don't you go more often then?

—anfernee

i'm 35. i have to pick my spots. clubbing and raving every weekend was something i did in my 20's.

—plurry

wow, sounds like a fun night

—jizzgrenade

—000