The
Loveline
Companion

rather than send millions so they can rebuild what was already a dump, how about the 20 of us dig change out of our couches, and buy the place on the cheap. we can drive off the remaining natives, grow pot, build a wal-mart and put up some time-shares.

who's in?

—plurry

i smell a future feel-good movie of the year. count me in!

—catloaf

let me be the first, and probably only one to say this: don't give the haitians the money to rebuild their shitty island back to the shitty standards that, i promise you, they will rebuild it to if given the chance.

i say we put the survivors on boats, and send them to somalia where they can learn to be pirates.

—plurry

arrrrrrrrrr

—catloaf

h8tians. get it? get it? i slay me!

—plurry

i'll care abotu it whne anderson cooper does a special on it...i'm guessing in approx. 24 hours.

—lexieho

it's 2010. if your nation can't bail itself out, then you lose at darwin's version of chutes n ladders. don't stand around waiting for americans to bail your ass out. if that was your contingency plan, tough shit.

is new orleans 100% fixed yet? if not, fuck h8i. not our problem.
let the mexicans send help. i'm sure they'll be deploying a their navy corps of engineers, roofers on a fleet of inflatable rafts, any minute now.

i'm turning into the acm323. confirm/deny

—plurry

i wonder if h8ti is regretting cutting down all of their trees and selling them?

—lexieho

The FBI is reminding people that some individuals with criminal intent are out there trying to take advantage of the public's sympathy for victims of the Haitian earthquake.

Internet users are encouraged to thoroughly examine and read all the details of any emails that solicit charitable donations.

Consumers should adhere to the following guidelines:

--Do not respond to any unsolicited (spam) incoming emails, which also include requests to click links embedded within those email messages.

--Be wary of individuals presenting themselves as surviving victims or as officials asking for donations via email or social networking sites.

--Make sure to verify the legitimacy of nonprofit organizations asking for donations before following a link to a site contained in one of their emails.

--Do not click on any files or pictures claiming to be from the disaster area that are contained in these emails, as they may contain viruses or some other kind of malware.

--Do not give out your personal or financial information to anyone soliciting contributions.

--If you are going to contribute, make sure it goes to a known organization. Do not rely on others to make the donation on your behalf.

Anyone who has received an email similar to what has been described above or has been a victim of this should notify the IC3 at www.ic3.gov.

—plurry

but is it ok to transfer funds to a prince in nigeria? that's what i really want/need to know

—lexieho

let's send sarah palin. i need her staying in one of those finely crafted, h8ian structures.

—plurry

yeah those h8tians didn't have the smarts to be born into a rich country like us 'mericuns. Let 'em crush!

—stellagold

all this talk about pancakes is making me hungry.

—plurry

Plurry ilu. bniagwoc.

I was very quiet when some of my friends were discussing the Haiti situation today...They noticed I declined to note how tragic it was, and I said that any time you have a population of 9 million in a country the size of Maryland that lacks extremely basic infrastructure, a natural disaster like this is a blessing in disguise. It displaces people, forces them out of the shitty slums they're in. Unfortunately, it's going to turn into an international charity case (though I think to a lesser extent than India was in '06 (?--Whenever that was) because of the economy being so much poorer. I hope the US doesn't send a dime, especially after reports that the debt is at record highs and climbing at a considerably faster rate than it was last year at this time.

—awag777

something like 30+ coups in the last 200 some odd years. to think they were just one or two away from really turning the corner, and becoming global force.

god h8 h8tians, and by h8tian, i mean black people.

—plurry

Y DO U H8 WYCLEF JEAN???

—mandee

i don't. his family was bright enough to get off the hurricane hovel.

—plurry

according to pat robertson, god is punishing teh h8tians. LMAO

—plurry

way 2 tell us sumthin we already kno, patty!

—mandee

well, if god h8 teh h8tians, then i'm switching sides. GO TEAM H8TI!

—plurry

I say this as someone who believes strongly in international aid:

It's a hole in the Carrribean that we dump cash and attention into at our peril. Ethiopia is telling them to get their shit together. Even more infuriating is the same island has a stable government on its other half. Sorry, but no. It's Hugo Chavez's turn.

—bguirk

Put me down for 95 cents. That'll get me what, 65,000 acres?

Ethiopia is telling them to get their shit together.

—bguirk

^ LOLZ

—Dick Birchum

here's my two santim on h8i:

awag should have his posting privileges revoked until he is no longer a weerjin.

—catloaf

i still say weergin myself thanks to that old 80s movie with anthony edwards

are u a weergin
no
i like to touch a man whos never been touched
i am a weergin

—000

Gotcha

I haz it on dvd.

—Dusty TheHick

It's pronounced HI-EE-TEE.

—Natalia Carolla

h8i is a shooting gallery for hurricanes.

—plurry

I saw Snoop Dogg on the Larry King Show for Haiti relief. That's the true part, here's the joke part: Snoop Dogg's policy is that he participates in charity events for any earthquakes that measure 7.0 or more on the rizichter scale.

—Giant Ghost

fuck hope for haiti now. you could drop a trillion dollars into that dump, and it would still be a dump full of stupid people.

—plurry

agreed.

—oh-for

great to hear adam more or less profess the same sentiments as i have re: h8i at about 28:00 on the 1-20 show with teresa and bryan.

—plurry

of course he did

—stellagold

I really feel like France should be taking the lead on this one. Where's my Juliette Binoche telethon?

—bguirk

there is such a thing as a lost cause, but people don't like to accept it.

—plurry

death toll tops 200,000 as aid anger mounts - (with snide commentary)

PORT-AU-PRINCE (AFP) – The death toll in the Haiti quake has topped 200,000, Prime Minister Jean-Max Bellerive said Wednesday as angry protests over the slow arrival of aid flared on the rubble-strewn streets.

be glad you're getting any, assholes.

More than three weeks after the 7.0-magnitude quake, Bellerive said his tiny Caribbean nation had been ravaged by "a disaster on a planetary scale" and detailed the tragic toll suffered by his people.

"There are more than 200,000 people who have been clearly identified as people who are dead," he told AFP, adding another 300,000 injured had been treated, 250,000 homes had been destroyed and 30,000 businesses lost.

you mean 250,000 shacks. 30,000 businesses? maybe if you count whorehouses and drug dealers. 20,000 had to be businesses consisting of a pushcart.

At least 4,000 amputations have also been carried out due to horrific crush injuries -- a shocking figure which is likely to strain the impoverished nation's already meager resources for years to come.

haiti is now the stump porn capital of the world.

Despite a massive aid operation, a lack of coordination and the extent of the damage has hampered the distribution of food and water leading to mounting tensions among a million people left homeless.

lack of coordination? haitians? no way!

"The Haitian government has done nothing for us, it has not given us any work. It has not given us the food we need," said Sandrac Baptiste bitterly, as she left her makeshift tent to join angry demonstrations Wednesday.

so, business as usual. amirite? why so surprised, sandrac?

In separate protests after a tense night when shots were fired in the ruined capital Port-au-Prince, some 300 people gathered outside the mayor's office in the once upscale Petionville neighborhood.

"If the police fire on us, we are going to set things ablaze," one of the protesters shouted, raising a cement block above his head.

good to see rationale is running strong among the survivors.

Another 200 protesters marched toward the US embassy, crying out for food and aid, and about 50 protestors also gathered late Tuesday outside the police headquarters where the Haitian government of President Rene Preval is temporarily installed.

"Down with Preval," demonstrators shouted at the president who has only spoken to the people a few times since the disaster struck.

yeah, kill the fucker! it's all his fault. we need a scapegoat!

"There are no tents! There is no food!" protested Bousiquot Widmack, while demonstrators who said they were government workers complained their homes had collapsed, they had not been paid, and they had nothing to eat.

so, it isn't that different pre-quake, yes?

Amid the mounting frustration, UN chief Ban Ki-moon asked former US president Bill Clinton to "assume a leadership role" in coordinating the international aid, UN spokesman Martin Nesirky told a press briefing.

woohoo! it's bj and cigar diddling time!!!

"The aim... is to provide strategic guidance to the United Nations involvement at an international level," Nesirky said.

Clinton added: "The trick is to get the Haitian people back where they can stop living from day-to-day and start living from week-to-week or month-to-month and then start the long-term efforts.

but.. they've always lived day to day. who are you trying to kid?

"They, the leaders there, want to build a functioning, modern state for the first time, and I will do what I can to faithfully represent and work with all the agencies of the UN and help them get it done," he added.

translation: "they went from shit hole to collapsed shit hole. they'd like to rebuild the shit hole into an improved shit hole, but no one is holding their breath. as for me, i'm gonna take in as much head as possible while looking like i'm actually doing something constructive."

Countries, companies and individuals have promised more than 230 million dollars to the World Food Programme for its Haiti emergency operations, the UN agency said.

oh, a 230 million dollar band-aid. that should fix everthing.

Marjorie Michel, the Haitian minister in charge of women's affairs, said neighborhood committees were reporting a rise in the number of rapes in the tent camps, although women were reluctant to make a formal complaint.

shocking. but hey, they asked for bill clinton.

She said teams were being sent into the camps to try to deal with the situation, and promised segregated bathroom facilities would be installed in new camps.

no men will think to wait in the womens bathroom with a hard on.

A Haitian judge was meanwhile also due to question a group of Americans accused of trying to smuggle children out of the quake-stricken nation.

Ten US Christians from the Idaho-based New Life Children's Refuge have been detained in Haiti since the weekend after they tried to smuggle some 33 children out of the country to neighboring Dominican Republic.

shame on them for trying to help. damn the white devil.

—plurry

ilu

—lexieho

you think they should be left to die - got it.

—stellagold

you don't like my shtick or opinions on the subject - got it.

—plurry

Kanye West should come out with his own version of "we are the world". It should be called "I am the world".

Stolen from Michael K.

—Natalia Carolla

That's what SNL said about Prince, after he failed to show up for the original.

—Dusty TheHick

will dan aykroyd be at the new one?

—mandee

h8i is all Bush's fault

—catloaf

it seems like we should be down there stealing their women so awag can finally lose his virginity.

—bguirk

^but he's into skinny white girls.

—Natalia Carolla

They're typically curvy, or portly or idk the term, but I wouldn't classify awag's chicks as skinny. YOU're skinny, but that's a good thing, be thankful, you look great.

—anfernee

she's gotta a serious e crush on you, dude. i would totally deflower her if i were in your cock, er, shoes.

—plurry