The
Loveline
Companion

Things are on the outs with my current girlfriend, who will be gone as soon as we get back from break...

This girl is next on the list--Said tonight that she wanted to go on a few dates and see where things went when I asked her where things were going with us (my gf is a good hour + away, and this girl lives in Minneapolis so we've been hanging out a lot).

I'm astounded; this is the single best looking girl I've ever been remotely involved with. Making a TLC promise that if I date her, it'll be V-Card losing time. Also, she'd be the first girl who's older than me that I've dated.

Second from the right

—awag777

she looks good. no choice but to get it on, congrats.

but focussing the subject on my self again:
i almost killed a baby today.
at the dog park there were a few cute moms, with cute babies and cute dogs. i was talking to her about her dog and the dangers of the choke chain.... and suddenly her baby is choking. she rips him outta the stroller and shes freaking out "help me!" shes holding the kid whos rigormortis stiff and smacking it on the back, so is her friend. i kept asking what she wants me to do so i can help. kid barfs and starts breathing again.
so i am feeling like a partial failure over this incident cuz i did nothing. but i dont reckon i shoulda taken the baby out of her arms and done the heimlich. plus i am not sure how much pressure to put on the kids solar plexus. but hes now alive and will live to barf another day. i dont think i'll be seeing his mom at the dog park again.
seems like tilted back in a stroller is a bad position for a baby to eat something the size of its airway.

—000

when i was maybe ten i saw a kid with cerebral palsy...i'm assuming...choke on a tortilla chip. i still think about it to this day. he ended up being ok, he threw up a lot and his mom pulled it out of his gullet.

it's scary seeing people choke, my best friend's little sister saw someone choke to death on a boat [her firend's dad], and they had to drive back to shore with him on the boat.....terrifying.

—lexieho

i think we/i ruined andrew's hot gilr thread...sorry.

—lexieho

she's got crazy eyes, I hope you bang her.

I saw a man die of a heart attack at foot locker, it was horrible, and customers were pretending it wasn't happening and asking employees for shoes.

—Kevin-U-in-Seclusion

Is her grandfather single?

—Natalia Carolla

That girl looks nice. I hope it works out for you.

—Sheena

should i feel bad for laughing maniacally?

—catloaf

i mean seriously, maniacally

—catloaf

this girl looks like a WOMAN. she looks like she can really take care of her hair.

—mandee

I'd let her blow me.

—Mayonnaise

andrew--get that weak shit out of here. don't come back here until you've knocked her up or you have a picture of a spent condom with lying next to her dissatisfied body (with a dime for scale of course). that's how lame you are to me and all males at the moment. I say this as a complete puss--you are lower than me.

—bguirk

lol at this girl.

—Natalia Carolla

^TOO SOON. SHE'S BLIND LENA.

'guirk I'll do my best.

—awag777

So was Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles. Did she get a full-ride at Boise for playing the cowbell?

—Natalia Carolla

'guirk I'll do my best.

—awag777

you need to do plurry's best.

—bguirk

my best friend's little sister saw someone choke to death on a boat

Well why in the hell was he trying to eat a boat?

That's it; I'm going to hell...Time to go back to lurking moar.

Things are on the outs with my current girlfriend, who will be gone as soon as we get back from break...

Nice work, Captain Romeo!

Andrew, seriously, if you don't fuck this new chick within the next 2 or 3 weeks, you're dead to me. In fact, if you don't, I will pull one off to her.

ftr, I, too, would let her blow Mayonnaise.

—Dusty TheHick

plai dis 4 ur gurl.

—mandee

Put your thumb in her ass. Girls like that.

—Dusty TheHick

2 get her in da m00d

—mandee

Put your thumb in her ass. Girls like that.

—Dusty TheHick

I had a girlfriend who requested that.

—bguirk

Told ya.

—Dusty TheHick

o w8. jus let dicky dreyfuss seruhnaid y'all.

i luv u def boi.

—mandee

Well why in the hell was he trying to eat a boat? —Dusty TheHick

i'm glad you're back.

—pookie

i luv u def boi. —mandee

<3<3<3<3<3 mandee <3<3<3<3<3

—pookie

Hi, pookie.

Andrew, we don't wanna hear any more about your love life until you fuck a bitch.

—Dusty TheHick

Nice work, Captain Romeo!

Andrew, seriously, if you don't fuck this new chick within the next 2 or 3 weeks, you're dead to me. In fact, if you don't, I will

Well, I should've known this was a bad idea in the first place because she wasn't into sports at all. I made some comment about wanting to turn her into a Twins fan and she laughed and gave me a "Good luck, hun". That was upsetting. Plus she belittles me after Gopher losses. All the guys (and any girls who give half a shit) in band are usually in pissy moods after Gopher losses, and since she doesn't give a shit, she'd be sitting there "oh get over it...it's just a game" etc. etc. I mean you don't have to be upset with me, but don't act like it's nothing.

I'll need at least a month or two dusty...Me and the girl are breaking up somewhere around the 19th, at which point the aforementioned girl will be on tap.

—awag777

It is just a game, dude.

Also, you schedule your breakups? wtf?

—Dusty TheHick

I want to break up with her in person, not pussy out and do it via text or on the phone, and she won't be back to campus until then.

—awag777

Fair enough.

—Dusty TheHick

^ you are so precious

—pookie

Plus she belittles me after Gopher losses.

this is where sex plays an important part. girls don't tend to belittle you as much when you're regularly humping the shit out of them.

—airking32

HL. Also hard to belittle someone with a cock in your mouth.

—awag777

exactly.

—airking32

GO! GO AWAG! GO GO GO AWAG!

BE AGGRESSIVE! B-E AGGRESSIVE! B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!

—plurry

<3 plurry. also, you should go ahead and break up NOW, even if it is via text or whatever--you might be standing in the way of her banging some other dude.

—catloaf

He isn't. Anyone got a cigarette?

—Dusty TheHick

Dusty what's wrong :( You seem upset.

Update: Breaking up via phone tonight.

—awag777

Good luck.

—Sheena

Next week on As the World Turns...

andrew's new love finds out he's a virgin and suspects that he wants to do anal, which stops her from having sexual intercourse with him. Frustrated andrew decides to make a move on one of her friends and ends up getting her pregnant.

—Natalia Carolla

Hi, Lena.

Dusty what's wrong :( You seem upset.

Nah. I was in kind of a funk for a couple weeks, so I just lurked moar, 'til I came out of it. lol "came"

—Dusty TheHick

OT

oh dear.

What bguirk said. And all that what was said in the original post would make you sound like a player, whether that's your intention or not, if only you're actually getting it on with any of them. I'm willing to put money on that it's not gonna happen with this girl either.

This really only reaffirms my feeling that awag isn't into the opposite sex.

Also hard to belittle someone with a cock in your mouth.

Stepping to Stryker territory now, eh?

—HocusPocus

The difference being that Stryker knows from experience.

—Dusty TheHick

lol

no, I meant that phrase seems like something Stryker would say. Douchebaggery, overly compensating,...

—HocusPocus

Fun fact: Hugh Hefner lost his virginity when he was 22, and he's the definition of a ladies' man. Give andrew a break, he has standards when it comes to fucking bitches.

—Natalia Carolla

ladies man? he's also been a man's man.

—plurry

Hey now. Cut me a break.

It's officially done with the girlfriend.

The new girl wants to go on a few dates, so we'll prolly do that next week.

—awag777

So I'm running out of time to let her blow me?

—Mayonnaise

^i was listening to smashing pumpkins this morning, you are my favorite song.

—lexieho

^remember in junior high when kids used to write the names of their favorite bands on their backpacks.. I remember seeing 'smashing pumpkins' on every kids backpack along with Korn, and Limp Bizkit.

—Natalia Carolla

that song rocks. it's one of my favorites. try soma on for size.

—plurry

^ omg! yes.

i don't know anyone that likes smashing pumpkins....lame. actually i don't know anyone that likes anything that i like.

—lexieho

the 1st 3 SP cd's are gospel to me. he lost me at adore.

(this is where bguirk and catloaf jump in and say corgan sucks.)

—plurry

i don't know what my favorite album is...it lives in my car and i think i lost its case a long time ago, so i don't know what the songs on it are....the disc is yellow and it has landslide on it.....fav cover...and i think there is 1979 somewhere in the mix....it has a more postrock feel.

shit. i've been looking up sp discography but i can't find anything on this.

—lexieho

landslide was a b-side of the disarm single. it was also on pisces iscariot, a collection of b-sides.

if 1979 and landslide are both on the disc, it has to be a greatest hits.

—plurry

i thought so, but i looked up the list on wikipedia and it didn't match my songs....is there a b-side or something?

—lexieho

i guess i should start labeling my cds....so i don't just grope for the "yellow one" in my backseat.

—lexieho

New girl just texted me "time to step up your game ;) goodnight"

I'd say it's money in the bank.

—awag777

did you start school already?

—Natalia Carolla

Nope. Ended up doing it over the phone. Gives her time to get over it before school starts up again. She'll be fine. Expressed interest in being friends, but that she needed time. So whatevs.

—awag777

git up in them guts

—mandee

(this is where bguirk and catloaf jump in and say corgan sucks.)

corgan sucks, but Siamese Dream didn't.

git up in them guts

—mandee

time after time when presented with the poon awag runs away like Dick Cheney and George Bush from Vietnam. I'm thinking it's time for him to deal with the fact that he is gay. Most republicans are repressed queers anyway. Time to don the brown handkerchief. There's only shame in the closet.

—bguirk

bguirk is brutal.

—plurry

corgan sucks

—catloaf

bguirk, however, does not

—catloaf

you might be standing in the way of her banging some other dude.
He isn't. Anyone got a cigarette?

lulz i see what u did there

—stellagold

*just got it*

*forehead smack*

—catloaf

—000

I don't recall if I've shared this before, but the Jesus freak/stupid bitch I work next to once asked me how to spell "is."

—catloaf

Are you kidding? My God.

—Sheena

did you do the clinton and tell her it depends on what the meaning of "is" is?

—stellagold

^ I thought that was Bill Gates' line.
Or was his line saying that it depends on what "was" is? Or something like that? I swear I remember something like that.

—Nyarlaithotep

I'm Disgusty TheHick.

—Dusty TheHick

Nah, it was def Clinton's line, circa the Lewinsky trial.

—stellagold

Anywaiz--I went over to her apartment yesterday (along with my good friend who I've known for 15 years whose girlfriend also lives there) to just hang out and whatnot. It was like 1 AM and she texts me "so, do you want to stay over?" and I obliged. First kiss (with her) etc. We're getting drunk together tonight, so we'll see what comes of that.

—awag777

You were in the same room as her and she asked you over text if you wanted to stay over?

—Kevin-U-in-Seclusion

Yes. There were other people in the room.

—awag777

Kevin is old! That's how young kids with unlimited texting interact these days.

—Natalia Carolla

I AM GENUINELY JEALOUS
probably too late, but make damn sur u dont drink TOO much!

—000

smush tonight!

—mandee

don't have drunk sex....it sucks.

—lexieho

That's how young kids with unlimited texting interact avoid interacting these days.

—bguirk

It's really amazing how technology simultaneously brings us together while keeping us apart.

Sent from my iPhone.

—anobody

UPDATE: She ended up staying at the going away party she went to cause she was too drunk to drive but prmoised wed hang out tomorrow. win

—awag777

what a fuckin pisser
sounds like somthing that would happen to me. get all pumped up for nothing.
hope u get down with her before she decides she likes some other dude

—000

That's how young kids with unlimited texting interact avoid interacting these days.

iawtc. texting has really upped the puss factor in many situations.
verbal, one on one communication skills are going down the toilet.

you can't text a job interview, and that's where this shit is most obvious.

—plurry

maybe tonight you'll get lucky, and she'll text you a blow job.

—plurry

^ it's called sexting. all the young'uns are doin it nowadays. :o)

—pookie

She ended up staying at the going away party she went to cause she was too drunk to drive but prmoised wed hang out tomorrow. win

—awag777

I'm starting to think maybe bguirk is right.

—Dusty TheHick

you can't text a job interview, and that's where this shit is most obvious.

Sadly I'll knock a job interview out of the park and I can hold my own once I'm comfortable with someone but when it comes to talking with people I don't know well (especially ones I'm interested in) I'm crap (though I am at least /slowly/ improving).

—anobody

I am the same way. Online I am mostly okay, I don't have to be so aware of myself, but I hate face to face stuff.

—Sheena

I don't know well (especially ones I'm interested in) I'm crap (though I am at least /slowly/ improving).

I've found that pretending that I'm good at this does wonders for me.

—bguirk

this is what everybody says... guess it's a plan

—anobody

act as if, act as if...

—catloaf

I remember seeing 'smashing pumpkins' on every kids backpack along with Korn, and Limp Bizkit.

Add a System of a Down, Linkin Park and a Weezer in there and I was that kid. Poor Jansport.

It's really amazing how technology simultaneously brings us together while keeping us apart.
Sent from my iPhone.

An amazingly insightful, yet brief declaration on the sad state of affairs now known as the present, with a humorous punchline, all in under 20 words....From anobody???
Seriously though dude, that was great.

—anfernee

So whatever happened with this?

I'm thoroughly convinced I would kill myself if I lived in Minnesota, shitty sports teams + butt ass cold weather + a plethora of average to slightly above average looking white girls, and I would be that dude in Fargo. Never seen Fargo but I'm hoping there's someone that I could relate to living in Minnesota.

Are there any Mexicans over there? Look Adam can suck it, because they may be irritating and dumb and stinky, but they produce some mighty smoking hott offspring that like get inebriated and slutty, that is one thing, that I for one, can NOT complain about. Good day to you Adam.

—anfernee

http://www.mnsu.edu/emuseum/history/mnstatehistory/norwegian_migration.html

a plethora of average to slightly above average looking white girls

while there might be a shortage of the boyish looking 14 year old azn's you prefer, if you're into leggy blondes then Minnesota is one of the better places.

—bguirk

It's sounds nuts, but leggy blondes are really the antithesis of my type. Leggy typically promotes tall height, and 5'6" probably my ceiling. And I have never in my life been attracted to blondes at all, I typically go for the olive/brown skin type and since they never happen to be blonde, I think that's what it is. I don't think I'll ever date a white girl again, but if I do, she'll most likely be tan and brunette. And short.

I do like the prepubescent azns. I've focused more on 18 and 19 year olds lately, because Azn's don't really age all that severely, so from 16-24 it's pretty much a wash, and I don't have to worry about the taboo/creepiness angle of sleeping with an underage chick. The fact that I'm 20 now and no longer a teenager really factors in a lot too.

—anfernee

The midwest hides a lot of hotness. Unfortunately they all get fat later on. and their accents make you want to puke. and then tend towards bad dye jobs. But there are a few golden years and andrew is right in the middle of them.

—bguirk

lol @ fat dye-jobbers

—pookie

lol yeah the accents are hard to stomach. I was actually born in Wisconsin which is what I consider the pinnacle of ugly accents, and I can hear it in my brother's voice occasionally. But never my dad which is weird because he spent the first 45 years of his life there.

—anfernee

I have never in my life been attracted to blondes at all —anfernee

pwnd

—plurry

SNAP!!

—Dusty TheHick

God bless plurry's memory.

—ZTgeist

stalker alert!

—catloaf

how can you guys not remember his obsession with paris hilton, miley cyrus, and that mormon bethany chick from high school?

—plurry

because we're ALL lizards

—catloaf

i remember the mormon. nevar 4get the mormon.

—mandee

^fail

—Dusty TheHick

u mad?

—mandee

always

—Dusty TheHick

^ that's hott

—pookie

Lol, I was such an idiot in high school, I was what, 15 at the time? I really do not find her attractive anymore, I like her body but her hair and face just look fake and annoying, and her voice and personality are atrocious. Jennifer Love Hewitt is meh now, ew I can't believe I posted pictures of my sister in a waffle crappers thread. Haha wow, immature much? I still do think the mormon girl was the prettiest girl ever, but I haven't talked to her in like 3 years and I doubt I ever will again. I just developed my yellow fever at about age 18 for some reason, I'm not entirely sure what caused it, but now I can't imagine ever dating a white girl again.

—anfernee

i can see why you liked mormon girl. i would have been all about her in HS.

—plurry

that yellow fever thing happened to my buddy. he attributes it to the mexican chick who he screwed up his chances with and kinda became obsessed about. he says the same thing about never dating a white chick again.

weird shit. we make a good team though, because i love white and black chicks almost exclusively. mixes are good too, though

—jizzgrenade