The
Loveline
Companion

—000

hslad

—Dusty TheHick

NH Restaurant Sets Meatball Record

Meatball Weighs In at 222.5 Pounds

CONCORD, N.H. -- The bouncing mega-meatball record has landed in the East Coast.

Matthew Mitnitsky, owner of Nonni's Italian Eatery in Concord, said Sunday that a 222.5-pound meatball was authenticated as the world's largest after being weighed by state weights and measures officials.

A Guinness Book of World Records official confirmed the big meatball as a record breaker and presented Mitnitsky with a plaque.

The old record of 198.6 pounds was set just over a month ago after Los Angeles-based talk show host Jimmy Kimmel vowed to beat a record set in Mexico. That record -- 109 pounds -- was set in August.

Mitnitsky said he got involved "to bring the meatball back to the East Coast because that's where it originated."

—pookie

that just makes me want to see a pic of the nurse.

—stellagold

The wife said he was drunk at the time...
Yeah, that makes it okay.
He was drunk at the birth of his child.

—Sheena

a naughty nurse might be very appealing while wasted.

he was probably drunk for the conception too.

—plurry

I'm attracted to competence and the nurse in our delivery room was very much that. Not hot in a naughty nurse kind of way, but seemed like she'd be into dressing up in uggs/tights for me and working through some rude sorority girl fantasies with me. To be fair the wife would probably be into that too if I brought it up and she's also a competent person so I guess I won't be nailing our delivery room nurse. It's very possible I these thoughts while staring at a giant mirror image of my wife's dilated vaj for 3 hours.

—bguirk

Uh...cool?

—Sheena

tmi :(

—stellagold

kudos to bguirk for correctly identifying the college girl uniform as being leggings and uggs.

—lexieho

tmi :(

—stellagold

it's nothing I haven't shared before.

kudos to bguirk for correctly identifying the college girl uniform as being leggings and uggs.

I graduated in '08. i waited behind those bitches while they abused people in the service industry.

—bguirk

they abused people in the service industry.

Some examples, plz, for the lulz?

—Dusty TheHick

Ocala.com – Middle school students on a bus got the giggles Wednesday afternoon. But the man they were laughing at failed to see the humor – or the bus, apparently. Ron Martin, 29, was arrested on a charge of drunken driving after authorities and witnesses say he rammed a riding lawmower into the back of the stopped school bus. The crash caused the mower to tip, Martin and his riding companion to fall off, and the kids who witnessed it all to commence chuckling. The students’ reaction prompted an enraged Martin to mount an unsuccessful attempt to board the bus, authorities say. The deputy noticed Martin and Charlene Mallorey on the mower in the westbound lane. They apparently were using the mower as a means of transportation. While en route to the jail, Martin threatened the deputy and repeatedly hit his head on the metal cage in her patrol car, a report said. The lawnmower, a Scag Turf Tiger model with a 61-inch cutting deck, is valued at $10,000. It had been reported stolen Wednesday morning from a residence in the 11400 block of Southeast 132nd Place in Ocklawaha.

—000

A fucking $10,000 LAWN MOWER!??

—Dusty TheHick

—drakeguy19

^Assinine...and so is the mower.

—Dusty TheHick

I could do some serious hooker-killin' with that thing.

—Sheena

some serious drakeguy19-killin'...

—stellagold

That would be cool. huh-huh

—Dusty TheHick

That's like calling an aircraft carrier a ski boat.

The Turf Tiger is a commercial machine, meant to run 30+ hours a week for years. My Toro runs 3 hours a week maximum, for 7 months per year.

—Colin

my vadge runs about seven hours a week minimum for an average of five months a year....i call it the viper

—lexieho

Some examples, plz, for the lulz?

—Dusty TheHick

not much in the lulz department. Just taking forever and making a chick who was behind the counter all by her self go chop chop chop and then not giving her a tip when she got them all their ice cream/coffee/whatever. not tipping bartenders. not blowing me...

—bguirk

Ah...So those are the same bitches who think their shit doesn't stink, yes? Actually, it probably doesn't...but that's only because they keep it in their MOUTHS.

P.S: I love Colin (bnitgwoc).

—Dusty TheHick

of course. I'm glad at the sudden somewhat regular Colin posts.

—bguirk

i call it the viper

you have a snake for a snizz?

—plurry

P – FILE - An undated file photo provided by Horry County Detention Center shows Rodell Vereen, 50, who was …
1 hr 8 mins ago

CONWAY, S.C. – A South Carolina man caught on video having sex with a horse was sentenced Wednesday to three years in prison after pleading guilty for the second time in two years to abusing the creature.

Rodell Vereen was also ordered never to go near the stable where the horse's owner caught him and held him for authorities at shotgun point over the summer. He apologized to the woman and to himself after admitting to buggery at the Horry County courthouse.

"I'm sorry about what I've done. I didn't mean to do it. It's my fault. I'm sorry for what I've done to myself," Vereen said during Wednesday's court hearing.

Vereen was arrested in July after Barbara Kenley caught him entering the barn at Lazy B Stables in Longs, about 20 miles northeast of Myrtle Beach. She had been staking out the stable for more than a week after setting up a surveillance camera and videotaping Vereen's assault on her 21-year-old horse named Sugar.

Kenley said she became suspicious because her horse was acting strange and getting infections, and she noticed things were moved around the barn and dirt was piled up near the horse's stall.

It wasn't the first time she'd caught Vereen. In late 2007, Kenley found him asleep in the hay after assaulting her horse. For that offense, he also pleaded guilty to buggery, received probation and had to register as a sex offender.

On Wednesday, the judge sentenced Vereen to five years in prison, but he will only have to serve three years behind bars as long as he successfully completes two years of probation. Vereen also was ordered to undergo additional mental treatment after he gets out of prison and was told to stay away from Kenley's stable.

Kenley told The Sun News of Myrtle Beach she was mostly happy with the verdict, but wished Vereen had got more prison time.

"I've been through hell for the last year and it's caused a lot of hardship," Kenley told the newspaper. "There's a lot of ridicule and jokes going around about this thing. And a person can only take so much."

—000

This doesn't tell me if he was pitching or receiving.

—Sheena

Does it matter?

—Dusty TheHick

Uh, yeah. Big horse penis in man or seemingly small man penis in horse.

—Sheena

Dude...He FUCKED A HORSE!

—Dusty TheHick

interesting news here, I just called my [jewish] dad Hitler, in a fit of frustration. It was quite satisfying, actually

—jizzgrenade

Viper was sweet when James McCaffrey was in it.

—D'arcy

wanna get high?

—plurry

Tim Lincecum wants to get high!

The Associated Press reports San Francisco Giants SP Tim Lincecum is facing misdemeanor marijuana charges after a traffic stop in his home state. He was pulled over for speeding in Washington Oct. 30. Lincecum was found with 3.3 grams of marijuana. He could face potential fines totaling $622 for the misdemeanor possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia counts plus the citation for driving 74 mph in a 60-mph zone. Lincecum entered a plea of not guilty through his attorney, and is currently scheduled to appear before a judge Dec. 22.

—plurry

AND, he was ALONE in the car, which means he was just bored on I-5 north, ripping pipe loads to his face.

i always knew timmy was a stoner, i always knew i liked timmy.

—airking32

The Sperminator

Facebook love rat gets 12 girls pregnant

By Jane Atkinson, 08/11/2009

GIRLS beware! If grinning charmer Dominic Baronet is your Facebook friend delete him NOW - or he'll have you PREGNANT in a just a few clicks.

Love rat Baronet has been branded The Sperminator for getting TWELVE girls pregnant after wooing them on the social networking site - two of them on the SAME DAY.

Five women are now raising his KIDS, five were talked into ABORTIONS and two are EXPECTING.

For years the laptop lust hunter has secretly preyed on women with his smooth internet patter. He told one smitten girl: "One hundred million sperm entered the womb. Only one made you - that makes you simply the best!".............

MORE:

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/586565/The-Sperminator-Facebook-cheater-Dominic-Baronet-gets-12-girls-pregnant.html

—000

Whoa... he got them pregnant THROUGH the computer?
I wish I could do that.
:)

—Sheena

instead of telling the 800 people he's friends with to delete them, how about tell the 20 million sluts to just keep their pants on?

—jizzgrenade

When I read something like that I can't help but think of all of the physics and chemistry and engineering / etc. grad students who are out there (including myself about a decade ago) who can't get laid to save their lives and weep a tiny bit for the future.

—anobody

Ano I've noticed a distinct change in your posts/post times/post frequency. You got a gf?

—awag777

You forgot:

"I look forward to your response".

—Sheena

good point, ano. i should have said encourage sex and birth control

—jizzgrenade

Ano I've noticed a distinct change in your posts/post times/post frequency. You got a gf?

Actually I just recently broke up with one; I did get crazy busy with work and various social activities though.

—anobody

Pics or it didn't happen.

—awag777

listen to the anocast.

—bguirk

I don't believe that article, btw.

But if it IS true, I want that airstrike.

—Dusty TheHick

various social activities though.

Translation: Salsa dancing.

Dusty post your pic here, that was hilarious

—anfernee

Very cool news, I am going to be renting a house for $400/mo and just got a job working with kids. Also moving cities and changing my college and major.

—drakeguy19

in one sense I feel like I should acknowledge you getting a job, moving on with your life...but since you continue to post here despite being repeatedly asked not I have to say that I'm horrified that they let you near children. hopefully not my child. maybe home schooling isn't the worst option in the world..

—bguirk

Not at a school, not going to be teaching. Mainly just supervising kids, making sure they don't misbehave at the community center.

Anyway, I started posting here again since I didn't have anything else to do, most likely once my social life takes off in the new town in a couple weeks and I'm working, this place will once again seem boring.

—drakeguy19

Supervising as in...anal rape?
And misbehaving as in...not letting you rape them?

—Sheena

Actually I'll be making sure anfernee uses protection on his girlfriend and that she isn't drunk.

—drakeguy19

It is not any fun if you aren't drunk.
And...protection? Why would they need that?

—Sheena

SHEENA. SHUT UP.

—mandee

most likely once my social life takes off in the new town in a couple weeks and I'm working, this place will once again seem boring.

Drake's social life taking off.

—awag777

lqtm

—Sheena

lmao, ^^that was perfect andrew

renting a house for $400/mo

You can rent a house for 400 bucks a month in Iowa? Holy shit! I could barely rent a shitty apartment in the bad part of Fresno for twice that much! United States is crazy

edit: also, lqtm needs to die a slow death.

—anfernee

HL, good one awag.

As far as cheap housing goes, it's Iowa, who the fuck wants to live there? There are some Amish in the town I'm going to live in too and the last time I was there shopping I saw some ladies in their bonnets and dresses out shopping. That was interesting.

—drakeguy19

—jizzgrenade

You have no right to photograph my house.

—drakeguy19

I think it's cute how eric is using the whole "join in with the bullies and make fun of yourself too, it will cause them to get bored and they will stop" strategy, but I feel like it's not going to work here, dude. People are brutal

—anfernee

A more interesting question would be why you keep coming back to a place that has made fun of you just as much as it's made fun of me.

—drakeguy19

I beg to differ, and I'm pretty sure 100% of TLC would back me up on that

So in other words, you still suck.

—anfernee

anfernee is rad. drake is a loser. we want anfernee to be here. we want drake to leave and never return and hopefully kill himself. that's all i'll say in reference to this dickface.

now please, let's all ignore him.

—mandee

What a winner you are. Have fun coming down from your coke and wine binges.

—drakeguy19

So mandee, I've decided you live the most interesting life of people I know. I can say I know you right? And do you really think you are gonna join Second City? Is it hard to get in?

—anfernee

i want to take classes at second city. i doubt i'd ever end up joining the main stage show. i'm not really an actor. i'm focusing more on writing. so i'd like to take writing classes and work my way up.

—mandee

I'm pulling for you mandee. I just said a prayer for you, but I'm an atheist so you're probably fucked.

—bguirk

Anfernee is exponentially more wanted at TLC than drake. end of story.

—awag777

awag...On the one hand, I applaud you for the point you've made with your picture...but on the other hand, I cannot abide such cruelty to kittehs.

also, lqtm needs to die a slow death.

This, from the creator of "HL."

Dusty post your pic here, that was hilarious

Sure, no problem. :)

DMY

—Dusty TheHick

>>drake is a loser. we want anfernee to be here. we want drake to leave and never return and hopefully kill himself.

Seconded.

—chix0r

thirded

—lexieho

IV'd

—Dusty TheHick

5thed

—HocusPocus

IOWA CITY - Police arrested a man Friday for allegedly defecating in a pharmacy on Friday.

Robert Lee, 57, went into CVS pharmacy, 2425 Muscatine Ave., at 4:17 p.m. where he walked to the front area of the store, lifted up his shirt, dropped his pants and defecated on the floor and walked out, according to criminal complaints.

http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/69573482.html

—000

And the problem with that is?

—Sheena

that would be the best day at work ever. my boss would probably rip his dick off.

—mandee

Iowa. Figures.

People from Iowa have a tendency to go where they're not wanted, and shit all over the place.

Didn't know where else to put this, but it's a good read.

—Dusty TheHick

In August, more than 100 people showed up at Waco’s Hog Creek Icehouse Saloon to participate in an all-day benefit organized to raise funds for 24-year-old Trista Joy Lathern, who told everybody that, not having health coverage, she needed the money to treat her breast cancer. According to the McLennan County Sheriff’s Office, it was later discovered that Lathern never had breast cancer.

But after collecting an estimated $10,000 at the benefit, she did show up with a new, $6,800 set of breasts.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33907426/ns/today-today_people/?GT1=43001

—000

Conman Extorts NT$200 mil. and Sex from Victims

TAIPEI, Taiwan -- A 55-year old con artist was arrested on Saturday for conducting elaborate schemes to swindle around NT$200 million from 20 female victims and tricking them into performing sex acts with him.

Police described Hsu Shian-ming as a 55-year old divorced bald man, who appearance is described as physically unattractive, and a wanted criminal on the run. The investigation report said he seduced females aged between 28-50 by using different aliases and claiming to be the handsome man in the photos he posted online.

After the victim contacted who she though to be the attractive young man in the pictures, they would engage in phone conversations, after which Hsu would then claim that he had an elderly father who suffers from prostate cancer that requires constant sex favors in order to stay alive.

To coerce the victims into performing sex acts, Hsu, posing as the handsome young man online, would sweet-talk the victims by making false promises such as marriage agreements. The duped victims then visited the father, also posed by Hsu, in presidential suites from upscale hotels such as Grand Formosan Regent Taipei or Sherwood Taipei.

During their investigation, police discovered these victims were persuaded into unconventional sex acts varying from putting foreign objects in their private parts, anal sex, or threesome. During the meeting, Hsu took pictures of the victims nude, then used these to threaten them into doing future sex favors.

—000

and that's why you ALWAYS insist on seeing a doctors note before blowing the elderly

—jizzgrenade

Yup. My husband was pretty pissed when I asked him, but it had to be done.

—Sheena

lol sheena ilu so much for having a good sense of humor about your husband's age

—jizzgrenade

Well that's just fucking great.

—Dusty TheHick

 Man kills mom after she catches him engaging in auto-erotic asphyxiation



November 16, 2009 • 9:32 am

By Diana Fasanella





What? No door locks in Croatia?



A Croatian man confessed to murdering his mother after she caught him engaging in auto-erotic asphyxiation while pleasuring himself inside their home.



Dino Babic called Split police Sunday night around 9:30 p.m. and told them he thought he strangled his mother, the Croatian Times reports. After officers arrived, they found Babic’s mother also had been hit over the head with a small statue.



The 22-year-old man said he snapped when he saw his mom’s shock at finding him masturbating while pulling on a scarf tied around his neck.



Neighbors perceived the victim as a reclusive and modest woman, while her son was seen as troubled and possibly prone to drugs.



Police detained Babic while continuing their investigation.



Crimes that leave one speechless.

—000

Well, for fuck's sake.

—Sheena

he was probably just trying to help her get off

—anobody

Doesn't anybody fucking KNOCK anymore?

-Judge Reinhold as Brad Hamilton in Fast Times at Ridgemont High

—Dusty TheHick

been there, done that.....

—lexieho

Austin coma patient victimized by ATM fraud
Associated Press
Nov. 19, 2009, 10:27AM
/**/ // no ads

AUSTIN — A man who spent two months in a coma at an Austin hospital awoke to discover he was a crime victim.

Austin police today announced they are seeking a woman seen on ATM bank surveillance video using his debit card.

Police say the victim was in a coma at Seton Medical Center, beginning in May. His debit card was used at least eight times, in late June, to steal more than $1,300.

Police say one debit card withdrawal happened in San Antonio, while the rest were in Austin.

The name of the victim, who did not discover the theft until he was discharged, was not released. Austin police today did not immediately offer more details on him or how his card was stolen.

Police say Seton Medical Center is cooperating in the investigation.

—000

damn, sarah! you're a shady bitch.

—plurry

?

—jizzgrenade

sarah lives in austin.

—airking32

Oh!

—jizzgrenade

and apparently, she steals from the bedridden. kevin's gonna have to sleep with one eye open.

—airking32

She wouldn't steal from *me* - just guys in comas.

—Kevin-U-in-Seclusion

Mom: Son in coma heard everything for 23 years
2 hrs 41 mins ago

BRUSSELS – A mother says her son has emerged from what doctors thought was a vegetative state to say he was fully conscious for 23 years but could not respond because he was paralyzed.

Rom Houben had a car crash in 1983 and doctors thought he had sunk into an apparent coma. Still, his family continued to believe their son was conscious and had sought further medical advice.

Dr. Audrey Vanhaudenhuyse said Houben's mother finally met Belgian expert Steven Laureys, who realized that the medical diagnosis for her son was wrong. Laureys then taught Houben how to communicate through a special keyboard.

—000

he was obviously just copying what he saw on house a couple months ago.

—lexieho

when we're together i won't need to steal from Kevin, he will *willingly* give me all his money.

—Sarah

i think that's called prostituion.

—lexieho

semantics....

—Sarah

It's only prostitution if he gets 'something' in return.

—Dusty TheHick

dude that coma story is such a trip, to think he could hear everything around him the entire time. only getting pieces of news by randomly overhearing conversation, hearing family lament over him, and maybe his burden, possibly hearing himself get raped by an intern or two. who knows all the random crap he doesn't know happened. how long do you think it was before he found out the wall came down? do you think he ever heard about the monica lewinsky thing?

btw, nice tip for anybody traveling to belgium, if you get the amazing "french fries" that they sell everywhere, make sure you tell them to leave off the eight ounces of mayo that they normally cover them with

—jizzgrenade

Belgium has great food and even better beer. one of the better weeks of my life was spent there.

—bguirk

I love the fact that the one thing that you would wonder if the kid has heard over the last 25 years is the story of the president getting a blowjob.

and apparently, she steals from the bedridden. kevin's gonna have to sleep with one eye open.

So from what I've gathered, I've deduced that:

A) Kevin is bedridden
B) Sarah will be sleeping in Kevin's bed soon
C) banana.

—anfernee

Actually, most comatose patients still have their hearing.

—Dusty TheHick

...and their ability to have erections and love me for who i really am.

—lexieho

Sex starved women rape a Man in church
Three women kidnapped an 18-year-old man in Chitungwiza and forced him to be intimate with one of them at a cathedral in Harare’s city centre on Tuesday,

On Tuesday, the man’s employer sent him on an errand to Makoni Shopping Centre

As he made his way to the bustling shopping centre at around 3pm, a cream Toyota Corolla suddenly pulled beside him, three women got out and bundled him into the vehicle before driving to Harare’s Roman Catholic Cathedral along Fourth Street where they locked him in a room.

At around 8pm, one of the women returned and forced the man to be intimate with her, sources say.

Afterwards, it is alleged the daring woman phoned the wife of the man’s employer and told her that the victim was safe and they should not worry about his whereabouts.

The following morning at around 7am, the three women forced the young man into their vehicle and drove to Machipisa Shopping Centre where they dumped him.

The man made a report at Machipisa Police Station. No arrests had been made and police were hunting for the suspects.

Harare provincial police spokesperson Inspector James Sabau, confirmed the incident and said investigations were in progress.
Sex starved women rape a Man in church

—000

Devotees seek blessing in the blood of 250,000 animals

November 26, 2009

BARIYAPUR: Nepal has played host to the world's biggest animal sacrifice with more than 250,000 animals expected to be killed as part of a Hindu festival in the village of Bariyapur, near the border with India.

The two-day event, which occurs every five years, began Tuesday with the decapitation of thousands of buffalo, killed in honour of Gadhimai, a Hindu goddess of power, and continued yesterday with the killing of goats, chickens, pigeons and other creatures.

In the main event, 250 appointed residents with kukri knives began decapitating the thousands of buffalo in an enclosure guarded by high walls and armed police. Frightened calves galloped around as men wearing red bandannas pursued them and chopped off their heads. Hundreds of visitors scrambled up the three-metre walls to catch a glimpse of the carnage.

''It is the traditional way,'' said 45-year old Manoj Shah, a Nepalese driver who has been attending the event since he was six. ''If we want anything, and we come here with an offering to the goddess, within five years all our dreams will be fulfilled.
The dead beasts will be sold and organisers will funnel the proceeds into local development, including maintenance of the temple. The festival is lucrative for businesses such as local guesthouses and shops.

Animal rights activists have dubbed the slaughter ''barbaric and cruel'' and have petitioned for its cancellation. Protesters made a final plea to organisers by cracking open coconuts in a nearby temple as a symbolic sacrifice.

Activist Manoj Gautum said: ''It is like a live holocaust. These men had some kind of violent streak in their eyes. I didn't see any sign of humanity in there.''

The Government donated 4.49 million Nepalese rupees ($67,800) to the event and has shown no sign of discontinuing the centuries-old tradition.

—stellagold

how about we offer them all the vegans in america for this ritual next year in place of the animals.

—plurry

why don't they just sacrifice rapists or wife beaters?

—jizzgrenade

they'd be sacrificing themselves.

—plurry

all cultures are beautiful + equal

—plurry

wow, that just goes to show, it takes all kinds.

but you cannot judge, EVER. THEY'RE JUST DIFFERENT

—jizzgrenade

CNN--- Four sheriff's deputies fatally shot in what officials describe as an ambush in a coffee shop near Seattle, Washington.

Laith? Is that you?

I would hope not because a Seattle coffee shop is a bit too cliche for your style.

—pookie

wow, oakland i understood, but seattle? damn

—jizzgrenade

all cultures are beautiful + equal

—plurry

wow, that just goes to show, it takes all kinds.

but you cannot judge, EVER. THEY'RE JUST DIFFERENT

—jizzgrenade

and their lows are ubiquitous, a good day for them is like the worst day ever in better cultures. but there are no better cultures because we can't sarcasm, right? it's impossible to sarcasm. it would be ridiculous to sarcasm, it would be like not having an argument and instead just wallowing around in vague hateful insinuations, which is impossible to do.

—D'arcy

CNN--- Four sheriff's deputies fatally shot in what officials describe as an ambush in a coffee shop near Seattle, Washington.

Laith? Is that you?

OMG laith is teh angry negro

—plurry

adam is gonna be on bonnie hunt in ten minutes

—pookie

was it good for her?

—plurry

^ yes...up until he started talking about peenuses.

—pookie

where did he finish?

—jizzgrenade

fuck! the one day i don't watch bonnie hunt.

—mandee

Ex-Miss Argentina Dies After Butt-Implant Surgery

Posted Dec 1st 2009 9:15AM by TMZ Staff

A former Miss Argentina died Sunday after elective surgery on her butt went terribly wrong.

According to several international reports, 37-year-old Solange Magnano suffered a pulmonary embolism after going under the knife Wednesday at a Buenos Aires medical center for a gluteoplasty – a procedure which normally involves placing implants in the buttocks to improve their outline.

Solange -- a wife and mother of 7-year-old twins -- suffered a pulmonary embolism the day after her surgery when liquid injected into her buttocks "went to her lungs and brain."

Authorities say the cause of death is still under investigation.

Solange won the crown back in 1994 -- and had since created her own modeling agency.

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/#ixzz0YS8LCZ57

—pookie

18yr barefoot bandit steals planes,speedboat,etc.

In the forests and remote islands around Seattle, police are setting traps for a barefoot teenage outlaw who has eluded them for nearly two years.

Police say 18-year-old Colton Harris-Moore, whose escapades are turning him into a folk legend, is a one-man crime wave, responsible for 50 burglaries as well as stealing light aircraft, which he taught himself to fly from video games, and several speedboats.

He lives in the woods, shuns shoes and catches his own food. His only technological aid is a pair of thermal-imaging goggles to hunt at night and his weakness is pizzas, which he asks to be delivered at the edge of the woods.

For some Harris-Moore is a modern Butch Cassidy: a surprisingly agile 6ft 5in cat burglar who thanks his victims by leaving them notes and cheeky photographs of himself, which have sold for £300 on eBay.

Thousands subscribe to his Facebook page and his image appears on T-shirts with the logo “Fly, Colton, Fly!”. Local rock groups have penned songs about him.

Hollywood producers have lodged lucrative film deals with his family and offered to pay for lawyers if he gives himself up.

Raised in a caravan on Camano Island, an isolated community in the Puget Sound, Harris-Moore started living wild at the age of seven. He would break into holiday homes, steal blankets and food and vanish into the woods for days.

In April 2008, after being sent to a juvenile detention centre, he complained that the beds were too short for his lanky frame and went on the run.

Police believe he fled to Canada and then, a few weeks ago, came back across the border to Idaho where he stole a Cessna 182 and flew to Seattle. He crash-landed in a forest clearing and walked away with cuts and bruises.

Since then he has been accused of stealing other planes for hops around the islands in the Puget Sound, including another Cessna belonging to a disc jockey who vented his frustration on radio, saying: “He still doesn’t know how to land a plane in one piece.”

He evaded a police pursuit by crashing a Mercedes-Benz into a roadside gas storage tank, using the explosion as a diversion to escape back into the woods where, he says, he feels like a Native American.

This was followed by the largest manhunt in recent memory. Three dozen sheriffs, aided by specialist armed units and an FBI helicopter, fanned out across Camano Island but failed to capture him. “We saw him, we think, but it’s like he disappeared in front of our eyes,” said one sheriff.

His luck may be about to run out. During a recent sweep a rifle shot was fired at police, raising his status to “armed and dangerous”. His mother, Pamela Kohler, now fears that even if he did not fire the shot he will be held responsible.

Kohler said she was proud her son had stolen the aircraft because he had never had a flying lesson in his life. “I was going to send him to flight school, but I guess I don’t have to,” she said. “I’d tell him the next time he took a plane: wear a parachute and practise your landing.

“If he shot that gun, it was really stupid. I don’t expect him to come out of the woods alive.”

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article6946030.ece

—000

^ old news.

—lexieho

not to me, that's awesome

—jizzgrenade

he has been stealing shit and setting things on fire for the last couple of years in washingotn, bc, and idaho.

—lexieho

Yeah very old.

—awag777

A Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office corrections deputy was arrested Monday for assaulting a man at gunpoint who was having sex with her daughter in the deputy's Belle Glade home.

Dorethea Collier, 48, was charged with false imprisonment, aggravated assault and battery for the Nov. 2 incident. She was arrested following a review by the State Attorney's Office, said Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Teri Barbera.

When Collier arrived home, Larry Butler, 19, of Pahokee, hid in the closet while Collier's daughter, Uzuri Collier, 20, held her bedroom door shut.

But Dorethea Collier barged in and found her daughter partially clothed and a naked Butler in the closet.

The uniformed deputy punched Butler three or four times and then pointed her gun at him, handcuffed him and ordered him to his knees.

Her daughter begged her not to shoot Butler. Dorethea Collier also threatened to send Butler to jail for raping her daughter.

Uzuri Collier's father, Michael Collier, 48, then arrived home after his wife called him. He hit his daughter and Butler, who was eventually allowed to get dressed and leave.

Dorethea Collier then made a trespassing complaint against Butler. Butler also called the Sheriff's Office's internal affairs office to complain, Barbera said.

Collier, who was released from the West County Jail on $5,000 bail, is on paid administrative leave, Barbera said.

Collier has been with the Sheriff's Office for 12 years. Her salary is $58,896.

—000

Picking (Up) Winners Without Placing a Bet
By VINCENT M. MALLOZZI
For the past 10 years, Jesus Leonardo has been cleaning up at an OTB parlor in Midtown Manhattan, cashing in, by his own count, nearly half a million dollars’ worth of winning tickets from wagers on thoroughbred races across the country.

During his glorious run, Mr. Leonardo, 57, has not placed a single bet.

“It is literally found money,” he said on a recent night from his private winner’s circle. He spends more than 10 hours a day there, feeding thousands of discarded betting slips through a ticket scanner in a never-ending search for someone else’s lost treasure.

“This has become my job, my life,” he said. “This is how I feed my family.”

Leonardo, who favors track suits and wears his graying hair and bushy beard in long ponytails, is what’s known in horse racing parlance as a stooper — a person who hangs around racetracks and betting parlors picking up tickets thrown away by others. Most tickets are losers, but enough are winners to make it worth his while.

To his stable of OTB buddies, Mr. Leonardo is the Secretariat of stoopers.

“He’s a legend,” said Paul Pepad, 57, an out-of-work musician who lives in Manhattan. “Everyone knows that this is his turf, that all the tickets thrown out belong to him, period. It’s just been that way as long as I can remember.”

T.D. Thornton, a journalist who wrote about stoopers in his 2007 book, “Not by a Long Shot: A Season at a Hard-Luck Horse Track,” said: “Stoopers are the gleaners of the racetrack world. Stoopers have a relationship with horse tracks that goes back to the advent of parimutuel betting in the early 1930s. There is an unwritten code in racing that says stoopers are tolerated as long as they are not perceived as harassing or stalking customers.”

“They are allowed to live on the fringes,” he added.

Mr. Leonardo, who is married with two teenagers, is hardly living on the fringes. He said that stooping brings him $100 to $300 a day, and more than $45,000 a year. Last month, he cashed in a winning ticket from bets made on races at Santa Anita Park in Arcadia, Calif., for $8,040. His largest purse came in 2006, when he received $9,500 from a Pick 4 wager (choosing the winners of four consecutive races) at Retama Park Race Track in Selma, Tex.

It is all taxable income. “I file my winnings with the I.R.S. every year,” Mr. Leonardo said in his thick Dominican accent.

Freddy Peguero, 53, a short-order cook from Manhattan, rooted for Mr. Leonardo to scan a winner one recent afternoon.

“Everybody in here loves Jesus,” he said. “When Jesus wins, we all eat, and we all drink. Jesus is a very generous man.”

Once upon a wager on a race run at Aqueduct Racetrack in Queens, Mr. Leonardo, who lives in Wanaque, N.J., became a stooper by accident.

In 1999, he walked into that same OTB parlor in Midtown and placed a bet. He watched the race, was sure he had lost and threw away his Pick 3 ticket.

“But just as I was leaving, I looked up at the screen and realized an inquiry had been made,” he said, referring to a review of the race to check for possible rules infractions. “All of a sudden, the results changed and I actually won $900.”

He began a frantic search for his ticket, picking up hundreds off the floor, and from ashtrays and garbage cans. He could not find it, however, and began pleading with the manager on duty.

“She said there was nothing she could do about it,” Mr. Leonardo said. “I was so upset, almost in tears. Finally, she said, ‘Look, if you want to take the garbage home with you and look for your ticket, go right ahead.’ ”

He did. Although he did not locate his $900 jackpot, he found two other winners in the trash, worth a combined $2,000.

“I couldn’t believe it,” said Mr. Leonardo, who had been supporting his family and his dream of writing songs by working odd jobs, including painting homes and cleaning windows. “I started thinking, there’s probably winning tickets thrown in the garbage every day.”

He has since returned nearly every day, waiting patiently for the OTB garbage to be placed at the curb before claiming it and picking out hundreds of betting slips. He places them in a separate garbage bag, which he hauls onto the PATH train for the ride home.

“At first, my wife thought I was crazy, but then she realized I was finding a lot of money in winning tickets, sometimes $200 a day,” he said. “After a while, she didn’t think I was so crazy.”

Over time, Mr. Leonardo devised a plan to increase his winnings. He enlisted two friends to pick up the trash at four other OTB parlors around the city and take it to him for $25 per bag. By the time Mr. Leonardo boards his train, he is carrying 2,000 to 7,000 discarded tickets.

At home, two other friends help him bundle the tickets in stacks of 300, which Mr. Leonardo places in a red satchel. He heads back to New York in the morning and spends hours in front of a ticket machine, scanning each ticket. If anyone else needs the machine, he moves aside.

“It is such exhausting work that I give myself a lunch hour,” he said.

Uncashed winnings at all off-track betting operations and all racetracks in New York totaled more than $8.5 million over the past two years, according to the New York State Racing and Wagering Board.

That is why Mr. Leonardo said he would not stop stooping anytime soon, not by a long shot.

“Look here,” he said to Mr. Peguero after pulling a credit voucher from the machine for $6. “Another winner.”

—000

“Everybody in here loves Jesus,” he said. “When Jesus wins, we all eat, and we all drink. Jesus is a very generous man.”

This line, standing alone, made me chuckle.

—Dusty TheHick

Dear Bguirk,

Just in case you miss Michigan, here's a little something to remind you of what you're missing:

Elderly Woman Fondled On Doorstep

Suspect Knocked On Her Door, Fondled Her, And Fled

TROY, Mich -- An elderly woman filed a complaint against an unknown suspect alleging that she had been fondled.

The woman noticed someone knocking on her kitchen window and later saw him standing on her porch.

Once she opened the door, the suspect grabbed her breasts and fled the scene in a black, four-door Sudan.

The man is described as a gray-haired, 50-60-year-old Caucasian, 6 feet 4 inches and weighing about 250-300 pounds.

—pookie

a black, four-door Sudan.

this ranks up there with that Texas newspaper that had "per say."

the wife and I went out to dinner and talked about how much we both miss Michigan or rather Ann Arbor.

—bguirk

i noticed that rapes, molestations, and indecent exposures have gone down dramatically in ann arbor since you've been gone so it looks like it's a good time for you to move back. uh...wait...uh...nevermind.

—pookie

this ranks up there with that Texas newspaper that had "per say."

Be fair though, it's just one letter (and one that's visually similar to a lowercase A, which may be why it wasn't caught in proofreading). It could have just been a muscle-memory-based typo, sort of like how I recently typed "exe" into a google search when I meant to type "eye" even though the X and Y keys are nowhere near each other on the keyboard.

The "per say" one, on the other hand, was clearly flagrant ignorance.

—Nyarlaithotep

definitely flagrantly ignorant on the "per say," but give this one credit. It's one letter plus capitalization. If they had put "Sudan" at the beginning of the sentence I could go with you, but 4-door Sudan is pretty obvious--it's obvious when I catch them because I'm usually one of the last to find those.

i noticed that rapes, molestations, and indecent exposures have gone down dramatically in ann arbor since you've been gone so it looks like it's a good time for you to move back

my wife was a busy girl back then. she really can't keep up with the molestation quota she used to pull.

—bguirk

I love you guys.

—Dusty TheHick

^ right back atcha, ace! :o)

—pookie

Ding-dong...."Avon Calling."

"yes"

"I have some lovely samples to show you, you're an autumn aren't you"

screen door opens

"what are you doing...no, no, it's happened again!"

tires squeal.

—bguirk

it's snowing.

—lexieho

hl @ avon calling

—pookie

I hate you guys.

—Dusty TheHick

'guirk, can you tell your wife i'd like to order a bottle of skin so soft? thanks.

p.s. dusty, you don't hate us. you hate that you love us so much and you can't help yourself.

—pookie

* I'd like the Giddy-up Special with a baked potato.

* Who cooks it? The Galloping Gourmet?"

* Would it be redundant to order it with HORSERADISH?

"IN FRANCE, HORSE FALLING OFF RESTAURANT MENUS"

PARIS (Reuters) - Many people love horses and traditionally, many French people have loved them even more with a side of salad.

That passion, however, has slowed to a trickle in the last couple of years as crisis-hit French consumers buy less meat and years of campaigning by animal rights groups take effect.

Looking to ram home their advantage, campaigners have launched a pre-Christmas blitz in Paris featuring posters of riding school ponies and graceful yearlings aimed at rending the hardest of hearts.

"Every year in France, riding school horses like Caramel are sent to the abattoir," says one poster by the Fondation Brigitte Bardot, featuring a photo of a perky grey pony reflected in a knife blade.

"It disturbs us that people continue to eat horses at all and we are going to go on campaigning until people stop eating it altogether," said Constance Cluset, a spokeswoman for the animal welfare group created by the former actress.

Last year, 15,820 horses were killed for their meat in France, of which over 7,000 were imported from abroad.

The group, whose campaign was timed to coincide with a horse fair, is pushing for a legislative bill to modify horses' legal status to companion from production-type animals such as sheep.

While horse meat is traditionally cheaper than other animals, the financial crisis has only pushed consumers to buy more chicken, according to French agriculture ministry figures.

Consumption of horse meat has fallen 12 percent in the last two years and currently makes up less than 1 percent of all meat consumed in France, the ministry said in a report.

And while only a few years ago horse meat was relatively easy to find, now it takes more time to track it down.

"Horse is indeed a French dish, but you'd be very hard-pressed to find it in any restaurants now," said the chef at restaurant Le Central in Paris, adding: "There's so much publicity against it."

Accounts vary on how France first took to eating equines.

Some historians say the country's appetite for horse meat dates from the Battle of Eylau in 1807, when the chief surgeon of Napoleon's army advised famished soldiers to feast on fallen horses on the battlefield.

The story adds that the cavalry cooked the trusted steeds using their breastplates as cooking pans.

—pookie

I'm impartial about you guys.

—Dusty TheHick

i love you guys.

—airking32

i wish i could roll you guys up, and smoke ya.

—plurry

well i wish i could melt you guys down and mainline you.

—airking32

I wish I could ferment you guys, and trap your fumes in a balloon, and jenk you.

—Dusty TheHick

"I love you too, man!"
-dr drew

EDIT: and for the record, I would mix yall with baking soda, cook you into a rock, and THEN smoke you

—jizzgrenade

i wish i could grind you guys to a fine powder, insert a funnel in my ass, and booty bump y'all.

—plurry

'guirk, can you tell your wife i'd like to order a bottle of skin so soft? thanks.

I had a girlfriend start selling Mary Kay cosmetics while we were dating. She also cubed her makeup use. i told her she looked like a clown and I wasn't going to put up with her 90 minute getting her face on rituals. She kept on with the nonsense and I told her "I guess we're done." In retrospect I might've been a tad cruel, but then again she fucked around on me so even Steven.

—bguirk

ugh. i would never do a girl that had that make-up mentality. utterly unattractive.

—lexieho

you did the right thing, beeg. i think there's something mentally wrong with someone who spends 90 minutes putting on make-up.

—pookie

I ALSO HATE MAKEUP on girls, generally. the thicker the worse.

—000

i noticed that rapes, molestations, and indecent exposures have gone down dramatically in ann arbor since you've been gone so it looks like it's a good time for you to move back. uh...wait...uh...nevermind.

ahaha pookie

—anfernee

he truly deserves the title.

—plurry

i heard he's changing his name from tiger to cheetah!

—stellagold

Lion Cheetah, even.

—Dusty TheHick

^^^lol

—jizzgrenade

know why santa didn't get busted for sleazing around? he stopped after 3 ho's.

—catloaf

lol i heard that on the radio

—jizzgrenade

the lulz. i brings'em. i steals'em, but i brings'em.

—catloaf

—jizzgrenade

^a parade for pyromaniacs that went horribly wrong.

—plurry

They'll make great pets.

—Dusty TheHick

lol porno for pyros

—plurry

lol

—jizzgrenade

Ugh, what a violent crime...

—Sheena

TALK ABOUT A GUY WHO CAN RALLY:

Man Impaled With Knife Orders Coffee

Man Tells Police He Walked To Diner After Attack

WARREN, Mich. -- Diners at a metro Detroit restaurant got more than a full plate Sunday when a man walked in with a 5-inch knife in his chest.

Warren police said the 52-year-old man called 911 at about 10 p.m., saying he had been attacked in Warren but had just walked a mile to the Bray’s Hamburgers in Hazel Park.

Restaurant employee George Mirdita said the man walked in, ordered a coffee and said he was waiting for an ambulance to come.

“It was like out of a movie,” Mirdita said. “It kind of freaked us all out here. Then, the customers realized it and they were all turning their heads in disgust.”

Police said the man told them he had been walking north on Warner Avenue near Eight Mile Road when another man approached him and demanded cash. The man told police that when he refused to hand over any cash, he was attacked and stabbed -- the knife being shoved into the left side of chest all the way to the black plastic handle.

Police said the man tried to get help at a nearby apartment complex, but when he didn’t find any, he called 911 from a pay phone at Dequindre and Nine Mile roads.

“Yes ma’am, could uh … is it possible to send an ambulance here?” the man is heard saying to a 911 operator. “There’s a knife stuck in my chest.”

The man goes on to tell the operator he thinks it’s a steak knife.

Mirdita said he can’t believe how calm the man was, and that he never complained of being in any pain.

“To come in with something stuck in your chest and order a cup of coffee, and sit down … he was mingling with the guy next to him,” he said.

The man was treated and police said he is expected to be fine.

—pookie

obviously a gamer. tougher than anyone on the Lions.

—bguirk

must be damn good coffee

—stellagold

WAUKESHA, Wis. (AP) — A Wisconsin teen accused of using a Facebook scam to blackmail dozens of male students into sex acts has reached a plea agreement.

Nineteen-year-old Anthony Stancl of New Berlin pleaded no contest Tuesday to two felonies. In exchange, prosecutors dismissed 10 other charges.

Waukesha County District Attorney Brad Schimel says he will recommend a "substantial" prison term. Stancl faces a maximum of 50 years in prison when he is sentenced at a date to be determined.

Defense attorney Craig Kuhary declined to comment.

Stancl was accused of posing as a girl on Facebook and tricking more than 30 classmates into sending him naked photos of themselves, then using the photos to blackmail them for sex.

—000

..and anfernee breathes a huge sigh of relief

—plurry

they tossed awag (a virgin) in to appease the angry god.

—bguirk

:(.

—awag777

A Queensland man allegedly forced his 14-year-old son to have sex with a prostitute because he thought he was gay.

Police say the father, from Rockhampton, called the prostitute during a family barbeque and arranged to meet her at a nearby motel, The Morning Bulletin newspaper reports.

He then allegedly drove his son to the motel and paid the prostitute $50.

The dad waited outside the motel room on the balcony after allegedly telling his son he wanted to see a used condom as evidence that he had had sex.

A committal hearing at the Rockhampton Magistrates Court found there was enough evidence against the father to have him stand trial for the rape of his son.

The court heard a testimony from the boy's mother who said she questioned her son about what happened.

“First (he) didn’t want to say anything to me. Then he told me his father took him to a motel room and there was a prostitute there,” The Morning Bulletin quoted the mother as saying.

“He wouldn’t talk, he just started crying.”

Police prosecutors said the authorities first found out about the alleged rape after the father phoned the Child Protection Investigation Unit to ask why they had not followed up on his suspicions that his son was "abusing" his younger brother.

The father told the officer who answered the call that he had tried to fix the problem himself by taking his son to a prostitute.

Efforts by police to locate the prostitute alleged to have had sex with the boy have so far been unsuccessful.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/987234/dad-forced-son-to-have-sex-with-prostitute

—000

MJ.... ?

—anobody

i haven't been on the game for years, dude

—D'arcy

He then allegedly drove his son to the motel and paid the prostitute $50.

The dad waited outside the motel room on the balcony after allegedly telling his son he wanted to see a used condom as evidence that he had had sex.

the jews are at it again. Holocaust II--who's with me?

—bguirk

i think it was asians

—000

damnit -- i guess I'll go put my star on...

—jizzgrenade

ranchera and hardcore rap: birds of a feather?

—plurry

Oh hell no!

—Natalia Carolla

A Queensland man allegedly forced his 14-year-old son to have sex with a prostitute because he thought he was gay.

you raise your kid in QUEENSLAND, you deal with the consequences.

—airking32

lol irony

—plurry

The drummer for A7X died yesterday.

—Natalia Carolla

Cat tattooing is big in Moscow

Keen readers of Vice will remember our story last year on pig tattooing. The sight of everyone’s favourite bacon-flavoured pink blobs being injected with ink made a lot of people angry. Well, angry internet people, how do you feel about the recent cat tattooing fad in Moscow?

Some Russian kitty owners are choosing to customise hairless breeds like the Sphynx cat with gaudy tattoos. This Tutankhamun design took three hours. I think you’ll agree that it was most definitely worth every second.

—000

srsly wtf

—catloaf

uh, i can barely hold my cat still to clip its claws, i can even fathom trying to give that animal a tattoo

—jizzgrenade

anyone want a '93 isuzu rodeo? 'cause i'm packing major suv heat right now.

ps. it's red.

—lexieho

jizz, i'm thinking maybe they anesthetize the cat first

—pookie

i'm appalled. where is PETA?

this ranks up there with getting a baby girl's ears pierced.

—plurry

or cutting off a baby boy's foreskin

Oh hell no!

—Natalia Carolla

Hey that's cool

—D'arcy

except cutting the foreskin has long term health benefits. it's easier to keep clean, and cuts down chances of STD transmission.

piercing a baby's ears have no benefit except to please sickfuck parents.

—plurry

no, there are no benefits unless the population has limited access to water. that's why the desert religions all had that rule.

—D'arcy

i'm sorry. dr. drew disagrees, and since he has a degree, and you don't, you lose. kthxbi.

—plurry

read 'em and weep.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/circumcision/PR00040

not to mention if it tears while fucking or jerking off, you'll have to get one as an adult, and that, from what i've heard shgt.

—plurry

i was swindled into gettign my ears pierced for my 18th birthday and i regret every moment of it, even today i started crying over how fucked up they are. tmi. i finally picked the left one into submission, but righty is a constant infection and the scar tissue is getting incredibly hard and youchy.

—lexieho

just for fun, who suggested you put holes in those wonderfully, (once) truly unique, pristine ears?

—plurry

^your favorite fella.

also i'm not talking to you unless you be nice to me otherwise, i'm goin to tell pookie that you made me cry and she's going to whoop your butt.

—lexieho

once read that when you hate someone, it's because you see something you hate in yourself.

i'm not sure i believe that across the board, but i'm sure sometimes it's applicable.

—plurry

i'm having the worst boy problems right now and you are placed firmly at #4 "the boy that hurts me the most"

jesus christ is this the loveline companion or the awkward plu-lex companion?

—lexieho

not to mention if it tears while fucking or jerking off

i read tears as like the crying tears. ur foreskin cries when you jerk off.

—mandee

there is nothing worse that having silver bullets you can't use.

—plurry

lol indian men have small weiners. i luv indian, but... it's da truf

Condoms 'too big' for Indian men

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in India.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research, told the BBC there was an obvious need in India for custom-made condoms, as most of those currently on sale are too large.

The issue is serious because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate.

And the country already has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation.

'Not a problem'

Mr Puri said that since Indians would be embarrassed about going to a chemist to ask for smaller condoms there should be vending machines dispensing different sizes all around the country.

"Smaller condoms are on sale in India. But there is a lack of awareness that different sizes are available. There is anxiety talking about the issue. And normally one feels shy to go to a chemist's shop and ask for a smaller size condom."

But Indian men need not be concerned about measuring up internationally according to Sunil Mehra, the former editor of the Indian version of the men's magazine Maxim.

"It's not size, it's what you do with it that matters," he said.

"From our population, the evidence is Indians are doing pretty well.

"With apologies to the poet Alexander Pope, you could say, for inches and centimetres, let fools contend."

—mandee

NO! NOT ALRIGHT!

—plurry

i remember my planned parenthood facilitator talking about this a few years ago. she said something about them not being embarrassed or anything to request a smaller size, good for them. seriously, who wants a huge weenie anyways, not me.

—lexieho

i'm gonna go jerk off to kal penn and his nubbin.

—mandee

is hugh laurie going to be watching?

—lexieho

yeah. well first i jerk off and he watches. then he jerks off while i watch. then we both go watch the lbj movie starring randy quaid. it's kind of our routine.

—mandee

true story. i've had a bf refer to my bj's as lbjs[lexiebjs] and i literally threw up in my mouth imagining sucking lyndon b's dick.

—lexieho

lqtm

—plurry

i lol'd irl

—mandee

Atheist barred from office in North Carolina?

posted at 9:30 am on December 10, 2009 by Ed Morrissey

A strange story surrounding a North Carolina city council election has suddenly become national news. Cecil Bothwell won his election fairly, a fact no one disputes. However, the former head of the Asheville NAACP has attempted to block Bothwell’s seating by pointing out an obscure clause in North Carolina’s state constitution that bars atheists from holding public office. The dispute will likely have to be settled in federal court:

“I’m not saying that Cecil Bothwell is not a good man, but if he’s an atheist, he’s not eligible to serve in public office, according to the state constitution,” said H.K. Edgerton, a former Asheville NAACP president.
Article 6, section 8 of the state constitution says: “The following persons shall be disqualified for office: First, any person who shall deny the being of Almighty God.”
Rights enshrined in the U.S. Constitution trump the restriction in the state constitution, said Bob Orr, executive director of the N.C. Institute for Constitutional Law.
“I think there’s any number of federal cases that would view this as an imposition of a religious qualification and violate separation of church and state,” said Orr, a former state Supreme Court justice.

Some confusion over Bothwell’s actual status has arisen since then. Bothwell doesn’t like the term “atheist,” preferring “post-theist” instead. He lists himself as an atheist on his Myspace page. Bothwell also denied the specific charge of “deny[ing] the being of Almighty God,” saying that the question is irrelevant for his public office.
But it’s not as if this was something voters didn’t know before the election. Bothwell’s opponents attacked him for a book that he had written called The Prince of War that attacked Billy Graham for pursuing a “theocratic agenda.” Bothwell apparently isn’t bright enough to understand the difference between public policy in a democracy and a real theocracy (like Iran), but voters had the opportunity to take that under consideration as well. They chose Bothwell, “post-theism” and all.
The state constitution does bar publicly-avowed atheists from holding office, but Article 6, Section 8 won’t withstand court scrutiny. The Supreme Court has already overturned Maryland’s constitutional bar for public office on religious affiliation in 1961, and North Carolina will lose this one, too. The federal constitution bars religious tests for office, which will trump North Carolina’s Section 8, probably on a unanimous vote. For those who may be tempted to argue federalism, the incorporation doctrine that would appear to dictate that outcome in this case is also the same line of thought that the court used to dismiss gun bans as a violation of the Second Amendment.
This is a foolish and wrong-headed objection to the outcome of a fair election. Unlike some other laws the courts have tossed for merely being stupid, this one is also unconstitutional and should be eliminated. The people of North Carolina would be well advised to repeal it themselves and to let Bothwell take his place on the city council.
I’m still mystified as to why a former head of the NAACP would bother to inject himself into this situation at all.

--

F U North Carolina!

—HocusPocus

once stella has safely vacated the state, i'm totally nuking it.

—plurry

Stella, you get the fuck out of there now.

—HocusPocus

this ranks up there with getting a baby girl's ears pierced.

i know we've moved on already, but i have to say this (and just imagine it being in caps lock as i can't bring myself to do it):

omg plurry, thank you! this is something that drives me insane!! i just want to smack the shit out of parents who insist on this. yes, my older girls have their ears pierced but THEY decided that they wanted to have it done and they were old enough to make that decision and old enough to CARE for them properly.... grrrrrr. i hate people.

—catloaf

* puts on butt-kicking boots just in case *

—pookie

i just want to smack the shit out of parents who insist on this.

are you saying you're not OK with the Prince Albert I got my son for his 2-month birthday? How dare you! I know what's best for my kid.

—bguirk

what's a two-month birthday? i want one!

—lexieho

that, bguirk, is precisely what i'm saying. you didn't get the swastika tattoo on his forehead too? how dare YOU.

—catloaf

we're waiting until he starts his Jewish kindergarten for that one.

—bguirk

it's been awhile..

germany or florida?

Police say an 11-year-old girl plotted with her teenage boyfriend to kill the girl's mother by setting fire to her bedroom as the woman slept Tuesday.

_ and _, 15, were arrested after they allegedly poured gasoline on _'s bedroom floor and bed, then ignited it. They then took the mother's (car) and fled the scene.

Police said it appears an ongoing problem in the home escalated Tuesday.

"As for a motive or how this all came about, apparently it's your typical teenaged angst that probably has been going on for some time and it escalated yesterday when the mother confronted the daughter about stealing a few of her cigarettes,"

_ was awakened by a smoke alarm in the home and was able to get out. She sustained serious burns and smoke inhalation.
Officials say her injuries are serious, but not life threatening. She is now listed in fair condition.

—plurry

sounds very florida

—000

same

—anobody

that was a layup. sort of shocked the smoke detector still had a good battery. thought that might throw everyone off.

—plurry

for some reason I feel like the krauts tolerate the ongoing domestic situations a little less.

—bguirk

has to be florida

EDIT: oh, lol, i didn't realize you'd posted the A

—jizzgrenade

did anyone mention that adam will be on leno tonight?

—pookie

pookie, you're the bestest.

—airking32

^ aw, thanks! did you see it? i thought the "jackass of the year award" segment was pretty funny.

—pookie

HELL YEAH!

The MLB Network reports the St. Louis Cardinals agreed to re-sign OF Matt Holliday to a seven-year, $120 million deal Tuesday, Jan. 5, according to SI.com's Jon Heyman. ESPN.com reports the deal will include a team option at the end of the contract. The deal is still pending a physical.

would be nice if he could play left field worth a shit though.

—plurry

did you see it? i thought the "jackass of the year award" segment was pretty funny.

here it is on hulu.

—plurry

Darwin Award winners revealed

Two bank robbers have been declared winners of the 2009 Darwin Awards after they blew themselves up while trying to crack open a cash machine.

Charles Darwin /PA

The Belgian pair used so much explosive to get their hands on the money that they destroyed the whole bank building.

When police arrived at the scene, they found one of them with severe head injuries, and rushed him to hospital where he died shortly after arrival.

Investigators initially assumed that his accomplice had managed a getaway, but the second one's body was excavated from the debris twelve hours later.

Wendy Northcutt, the founder of the annual awards, declared them the 2009 winners of the Darwin Awards, given to those "doing the most to improve the human gene pool by removing themselves from it".

The bank robbers just edged ahead of their main rival Shawn Motero who was stuck in a traffic crawl in Florida when he needed to answer a call of nature.

With no toilet handy, he got out of the car before jumping over a concrete wall to find a more secluded spot.

Unfortunately, the 30-year-old had not realised he was on a bridge, and fell 65 feet to his death. Award organisers said it proved you should "look before you leak".

In third place was the first ever woman to be nominated for the award. Rosanne Tippett drove her moped into a flooded river, despite the warning signs.

She was rescued by police, but died after jumping back into the river in an attempt to recover the two-wheeler.

—000

potential good news

—plurry

for bguirk

a woman from oregon holds the american[world?] record for highest BAC count of .720

—lexieho

thanks, plurry

—pookie

shit, first night of homework in almost a year....i think i need a drink.

does that constitute me as an alcoholic....or just the typical jc student?

—lexieho

I am not familiar with the distinction.

—anobody

.

Carolla is set to exec produce the single-camera sitcom along with Kevin Hench, as well as Jon Pollack ("30 Rock"), Jimmy Kimmel, Daniel Kellison, James Dixon, Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun.

OK, Adam gets what he wants--his single camera sitcom, his creative team...now STFU and get it on the air if you're so talented and belong on TV ace man. This will be pilot #3 in 2 years. If this one tanks stop wasting time with network TV. It's a cesspool of mediocrity. NBC is OK in the comedy department, but why not go with cable if you want to have more content control.

—bguirk

• taco bell diet

—pookie

like the Shitty Wok diet.

—stellagold

^ilu

—Dusty TheHick

conan's statement:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

conan was one of the biggest sources of my boners throughout middle school and high school. he's a classy broad.

—mandee

Conan is handling this wonderfully. I am not even a huge fan of Conan (sorry Mandee), but I think he's being shafted 1.) Because Leno is a douchebag and 2.) Because NBC sucks. If Leno wants to retire from the Tonight Show, retire and get the fuck out. Don't retire and then have a crappy show earlier in the evening. It's not fair to Conan, because Leno's shadow still remains. I think NBC should have told Leno to just get out since his ratings sucked, though of course they won't because they're so absurdly desperate for ratings (which of course will improve if he gets his slot back). NBC is such a piece of crap network; they haven't had any semblance of "power" since the Seinfeld days. They've made strides with 30 Rock, the Office, and to a certain extent Heroes, but they are still the tag-along little brother of Fox ABC and CBS. I just can't wrap my head around some of the decisions that they make in terms of what shows to green-light. They're just an embarrassingly run company right now, and Craig Ferguson was absolutely right in saying the situation is "the direct result of atrocious management by a once great American network".

—awag777

i love conan.

'nuff said.

—lexieho

awag, why are you sitting there prattling on about the networks when you should be indulging us with details of your lost virginity?

—catloaf

Miep Gies, Anne Frank protector, dies at 100

(CNN) -- Miep Gies, who ensured the diary of Anne Frank did not fall into the hands of Nazis after the teen's arrest, has died. She was 100.

Gies was among a team of Dutch citizens who hid the Frank family of four and four others in a secret annex in Amsterdam, Netherlands, during World War II, according to her official Web site, which announced her death Monday. She worked as a secretary for Anne Frank's father, Otto, in the front side of the same Prinsengracht building.

—pookie

Catloaf, it's still in the works. Believe me, if this girl and I end up dating and it happens, you can count on it being on here within 12 hours.

—awag777

i'm holding my breath young man

—catloaf

omg awag is killing catloaf.

—plurry

This has to happen. I am very invested in this saga.

—Sheena

I wouldn't hold your breath, she's out of town.

—awag777

don't underestimate catloaf's expansive lung capacity

—lexieho

i have a feeling she's going to need every last bit of it.

—plurry

Because Leno is a douchebag and

true dat. why is NBC bending over to keep a 60 year old hacky comedian with one of the scarier face lifts of the last 4 years?

—bguirk

Tylenol recall expanded to Motrin, Benadryl, more

NEW YORK (AP) — Johnson & Johnson expanded a recall of over-the-counter medications Friday, the second time it has done so in less than a month because of a moldy smell that has made users sick.

The broadening recall now includes some batches of Tylenol caplets, geltabs, arthritis treatments, rapid release, and extended relief Tylenol, as well as Motrin IB, chewable extra strength Rolaids, Benadryl allergy tablets, and St. Joseph aspirin.

Almost three weeks ago, the company's McNeil Consumer Healthcare Products broadened its recall to include Tylenol Arthritis Caplets.

McNeil said the larger recall includes product lots that could be affected by the same problems of nausea even though it has not received any reports from consumers.

The latest recall applies to products sold in the Americas, the United Arab Emirates, and Fiji.

Johnson & Johnson (JNJ) recalled some Tylenol Arthritis Caplets in November and December due to the smell, which caused nausea, stomach pain, vomiting and diarrhea.

Johnson & Johnson says the smell is caused by small amounts of a chemical associated with the treatment of wooden pallets.

The New Brunswick, N.J., company said it is investigating the issue and will stop shipping products with the same materials on wooden pallets. It has asked suppliers to do so as well.

The company said it is working with the Food and Drug Administration.

—pookie

mmm.. it's bacon.. kind of

—plurry

It seems like it wouldn't taste as good, but it is better than nothing, and is a good idea.

—Sheena

get up off yo ass or die

—plurry

tea party turds are bigger assholes than the turds they're bitching about. look no further than their keynote loser/speaker.

—plurry

EA sports is releasing a new game in june called "Tiger Woods PGA Tour".

if it's to be realistic, you should be able to hit holes on and off the course.

—plurry

rhianna's new boyfriend is matt kemp. who's he? center fielder for the dodgers, gold glove winner, and one of the brightest young stars in the game. ready for the kicker???

he's had a restraining order filed against him in the past by an ex girlfriend. sssshhhhhhocking!!!

—plurry

Okay, time to gamble...

—Sheena

—jizzgrenade

Andy Dick Lands in Jail for Alleged Sex Abuse

Andy Dick was arrested Saturday morning in West Virginia on two felony charges of alleged sexual abuse in the first degree.

The comedian, 44, who was in town for weekend performances at the Funny Bone Comedy Club and Restaurant in Huntington, is currently in the Western Regional Jail, police confirm.

No bond has been set. He is scheduled to be arraigned sometime Saturday.

This is not Dick's first run-in with the law. In 2008, he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery and marijuana possession in California. The plea stemmed from an incident in which he allegedly "walked up to the 17-year-old female victim, grabbed her tank top and bra and pulled them down and exposed her breasts," according to a police statement at the time of the arrest.

—pookie

the news got it wrong...i am nineteen not seventeen

—lexieho

poor lex! :o(

here's more news on your ex boyfriend:

The criminal complaint says Dick was talking to a guy when he "unexpectedly and without invitation grabbed the victim's crotch, repeatedly groping then kissing him."

A press release from the Huntington Police Department says: "Based upon statements of two victims and independent witness accounts alleging that he had engaged in unwanted and uninvited groping of the two victims' genital areas, Andrew R. Dick (AKA Andy Dick) of South Pasadena, Calif., was arrested and charged with two counts of Sex Abuse in the First Degree."

—pookie

i'm assuming he's not sober anymore.

—mandee

The Dick is juicing again.

—Round Eye

Yummy.

—Sheena

wow, dick's gotta be one of the most out of control celebrity addicts out there. i mean, DUI's, spousal abuse, leaving angry messages on their kid's voicemail, or just trying to eat a hamburger while totally trashed, all that i understand, but andy seems to have zero impulse control. he's a really sad case.

also, in case the JG wasn't enough of a hint, i did make that johnson and johnson thing myself.
I don't want a reputation of posting random dumb pictures that i found online (and no, that's not supposed to be a slight at anybody)

—jizzgrenade

his impulse control is worse than most. he's voiced being against psychiatric medicine, claiming he had a panic attack when drew gave him celexa. bullshit, he's freaked out by something he doesn't understand, so that's how he gets out of taking it.

he's like busey in that he lacks a filter. busey got depakote, so i'd court order meds for his impulsive ass.

—plurry

Team Lovitz

—Dusty TheHick

he seemed to be spiraling downward based on his last two Ace podcast appearances.

—bguirk

yeah the ace podcast has been turning out some very lame shit lately

—000

He meant Andy Dick, 000body.

—Dusty TheHick

thanks dusty.

—bguirk

Saddam Hussein's cousin Ali Hassan al-Majeed, also known as Chemical Ali, has been executed, Iraq TV reports.

—pookie

but he knew where all of the WMD's were! crap. now we'll never find them.

—bguirk

^that deserves a big ol' LOL

—catloaf

o noes!

"Singing Sex Offender" Edward Muscare Jailed After Becoming YouTube Sensation

Edward Muscare has been called the "singing sex offender" for videos he posted on YouTube which show the convicted sex offender singing romantic hits like "Pretty Woman."

The 72-year-old's videos have drawn almost 3 million views on his YouTube channel. But law enforcement hasn't been enamored with Muscare's public performances and the crooked crooner's next hit might be "Jailhouse Rock."

Muscare was arrested for his online warblings, and will be sentenced Jan. 6 on charges that he violated his probation. He is currently performing exclusively at the Lake County Jail, about 40 miles northwest of Orlando.

"For one-time offenders who have done their best, who have paid their debt to society, have lived a good life, they should give them a break and say, 'Hey, he's done his part,'" Muscare said to CBS affiliate WKMG.

In 1987, Muscare pleaded no contest to sexually battering a 14-year-old Orlando boy.

"I would never sexually offend again, but we can't help but sin. We're all human beings," Muscare told the station.

Muscare has had problems with probation before. At one point, he said he was being harassed by neighbors, so he decided not to register his address.

"I wanted to hide from the (sexual offender) registry, and I hid successfully in South Carolina, until one day the deputy sheriff showed up with a warrant for my arrest," Muscare told WKMG.

Muscare said he considers himself no threat to society and he hopes a judge will see his case the same way, even possibly allowing him to post on YouTube again… legally.

"I'm an entertainer, and I've entertained all my life," Muscare said to WKMG. "They're done in fun and I'm sure that most of the people see it that way."

Many of his YouTube fans do. Muscare's channel has more than 4000 comments, many of them posted after his recent arrest.

"edarem! i'm gonna send you a file in a cake! what's your favourite topping?" wrote frostytheaussie last week.

"A simple Google search will reveal a lot about this very talented man who is still loved and remembered by many," Chris Hooch, another commenter, wrote on the same day.

According to fan sites, in the 1970s Muscare hosted a late night horror program on a local Kansas City cable channel. He dressed himself as a vampire and was called "Uncle Ed."

—mandee

he should also cover "bang and blame".

—plurry

obvi team lovitz 4 lyfe but this is for cereal one of my favorite vidz evar.

—mandee

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0128101cigs1.html

------

JANUARY 28--Two Tennessee women who accused a man of rape have admitted to cops that they had consensually agreed to sex with him in exchange for a pack of cigarettes. One woman told investigators that the duo filed a phony police report because they "didn't enjoy the sex," according to cops. Jessica Kathleen Alexander, 18, and Tammy Nicole Ortega, 29, were arrested today for filing a false police report. Alexander, top, and Ortega are pictured below in mug shots taken by the Washington County Sheriff's Office. The women had originally claimed that they had been assaulted last night by two men outside a Telford home. But Alexander and Ortega subsequently confessed to having a consensual encounter with a man they had met on a telephone chat line (and who agreed to their sex-for-cigarettes proposition). After recanting the rape claim, Alexander told cops that they accused the man "because they didn't enjoy the sex," according to a sheriff's news release. Both women are being held in the county lockup in advance of their scheduled arraignment tomorrow morning in Jonesborough Session Court. Police have not identified the accused man, who still could be charged with solicitation in connection with the sex-for-cigarettes arrangement.

—000

CANTON, Ohio — A Canton man remains in jail after being arrested for urinating on a meat counter at a Wal-Mart store. According to Lt. Linda Brown of the Canton Police Department, Robert T. Jenkins, 21, of Canton, was arrested at 1:30 a.m. Friday morning and charges with felony vandalism and disorderly conduct. Police say Jenkins was arrested after they responded to a call from an employee at the Wal-Mart store on Atlantic Blvd. NE, claiming a man walked up to the meat counter and began urinating on the steaks, destroying more than $600 dollars in meat.

—000

Well that's just fucking great.

—Dusty TheHick

1:30 am very interesting.

what are walmart's business hours?

—lexieho

there are a couple of super walmarts here that are open 24/7

—pookie

they're not all 24/7?

—catloaf

nopes

—pookie

wooooooooow

—catloaf

omg so excited. i love caligula.

Caligula director Tinto Brass plans 'first 3D porn'

Caligula director Tinto Brass, has announced plans to make the world's first 3D pornographic film, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

Brass plans to "revisit an abandoned project about a Roman emperor that was ruined by Americans", suggesting that the film will be a remake of Caligula.

The 1979 film, starring Helen Mirren, was a collaboration between Brass and the Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione.

Critically panned, it also starred the late John Gielgud and Peter O'Toole.

US author Gore Vidal, who wrote the original script, was so keen to distance himself from the infamous film, that he took legal action and had his name removed from the project.

Pagan Rome

The film concerns the rise and fall of Roman Emperor Gaius Caesar Germanicus, better known as Caligula, played by British actor Malcolm McDowell.

Italian director Brass and Guccione reportedly fell out over the final cut, with Guccione secretly adding a number of explicit sexual scenes in post-production.

Guccione later defended his decision, saying he wanted the film to reflect the reality of pagan Rome.

Following uproar over the film's explicit violent and sexual content, an edited version was produced. Both versions are currently available on DVD.

Brass's 3D version, the first 3D film to be made in Italy, will begin shooting in May.

—mandee

it should be called 3Deep

—catloaf

lol genius

—jizzgrenade

caligula - classic cock chop/dog munch scene. 5 stars, must see in 3D.

—stellagold

Police: Man Calls 911 For Ride Home

Man Accused Of Lying About Fake Murder Attempt

BOYNTON BEACH, Fla. -- Police in Florida said a man called 911 twice Monday morning claiming someone was trying to kill him when he just needed a ride home, WPLG-TV in Miami reported.

According to the arrest affidavit, Jose Armando Rodrigues, 32, of Miami, first called 911 just after 6:15 a.m. and said someone was trying to kill him. Officers went to the area where Rodrigues claimed to be, on Interstate 95, but found no one.

Just before 7 a.m., police said, Rodrigues called 911 again from the same location. Police who were still in the area eventually found Rodrigues leaning against a concrete divider wall on the interstate.

When an officer asked Rodrigues if he had called 911, Rodrigues said he needed to go home, according to the affidavit. Then, police said, Rodrigues claimed two men put a hood over his head in West Palm Beach, tied rope to his hands, put him into a car and took him to the location on I-95.

Officers then noticed a broken-down car in a northbound lane on I-95. The driver told police that his car had broken down and his passenger, Armando, got tired of waiting and walked away, according to the affidavit.

Eventually, police said, Rodrigues admitted that he called 911 twice because he just wanted a ride to Miami.

Rodrigues was arrested and charged with abuse of the 911 system and giving false information about a crime to a law enforcement officer.

—pookie

once stella has safely vacated the state, i'm totally nuking it.

—plurry

Stella, you get the fuck out of there now.

—HocusPocus

i didn't see that before, that happened in the town i live in too. but it was never really in doubt, that naacp guy is just a local crazy and the constitution is always going to trump antiquated state law anyway.

—stellagold

Groundhog predicts 6 more weeks of winter

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pennsylvania (AP) — The groundhog has spoken. And it's bad news.

Punxsutawney Phil has emerged to see his shadow before chilly revelers in Pennsylvania, meaning winter will last another six weeks.

German tradition holds that if a hibernating animal sees its shadow on Feb. 2 — the Christian holiday of Candlemas — winter will last another six weeks. If no shadow is seen, legend says spring will come early.

The Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club annually announces Phil's forecast at dawn on Gobbler's Knob, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

Phil's announcement came before hundreds of onlookers who huddled as temperatures hovered in around 15 degrees.

The Groundhog Club says since 1887 Phil has predicted more winter weather by seeing his shadow nearly 100 times, but there are no records for nine years.

edit: lol gobbler's knob

—pookie

WHAT A MAROON!

Man Hurt As Homemade Rocket Explodes

Man Suffers Second-Degree Burns During Sledding Stunt

INDEPENDENCE TOWNSHIP, Mich. -- An Oakland County man was injured when a sledding stunt went wrong.

Sheriff's deputies said the man held a sledding party at his home on Townview Drive in Independence Township last Saturday night.

Investigators said they were told by witnesses that the 62-year-old man had been drinking when he fashioned a device using a motorcycle muffler, a piece of pipe, gunpowder, match heads and gasoline.

Witnesses said the man strapped the device on his back, donned a makeshift helmet and got on a sled, asking someone to light a wick attached to the device.

Part of the way down the hill, the device exploded, resulting in second-degree burns to the victim's face. One of his eyes was damaged.

He is currently getting treatment at a local hospital.

Sheriff's deputies continue to investigate the incident pending possible criminal charges.

—pookie

Gobbler's Knob

sounds like a nice vacation destination

—stellagold

that groundhog is cute as fuck.

—mandee

PETA thinks phil is traumatized.

—plurry

who the fuck mixes gunpowder and gasoline? is there any precedent for that working with anything?

—jizzgrenade

Forecast for wherever that fucking groundhog is was supposed to be cloudy/rainy...HOW DID HE SEE HIS SHADOW!?

—awag777

he mistook the holy ghost for his shadow. scared the bejesus out of him.

—plurry

men at work are now men in court

—plurry

yeah--the flute solo is 100% of the song. that would be laughed out of US Court.

—bguirk

"...addicts should be managed much like people who deal with more traditional physical and mental illnesses.
The last thing we should be doing is hiring people with guns to chase these people around."

h8 R whether they're american or canadian.

—plurry

what?

—stellagold

R - republican

(...seven years after it opened, it remains the target of fresh attacks from factions of Canada's Conservative federal government which believes Insite merely encourages drug use and accelerates a debilitating cycle of addiction.)

—plurry

ah ok. agreed.

—stellagold