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Dark Laith

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So apparently my profile has filled up. See new profile for new quotes page!

10 most recent quotes as of 2/18/08 (newer to older):

Whenever chix0r describes one of her sexual encounters, it sounds so cold, like she's describing herself jumping rope. With a penis in her mouth.

—greymatters

I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE AND IT IS CALLED:

THE JEZ AND GREY SHOW

—ZT Spice

You can't kill me if I'm already dead inside.

—greymatters

[Bonus blast-from-the-past addition]
You're all hot and I want to fuck you all at once.

—foob2011

I'd rather paypal sterility [than abortion]. Why lease infertility when you can own?

—Beat It!

[ABM,] no one thinks you're a terrorist. we all know laith is our resident terrorist.

—plurry

plurry. Are you calling me a rainboot-wearing, pathology-having whore?

We're fighting.

—jezebel

"AND THE LORD SAYETH UNTO MOSES, 'THY CHICK WITH BANGS DOTH BE NUTTY. LO SHE MAY BE BETTER IN THE SACKETH, DO NOT LAYETH WITH A BEBANGED CHICK. FOR SHE SHALL DRAG A MAN TO HELL WITH HER. ALSO, KILL HOMOSEXUALS, AND SACRIFICE MOAR GOATS.'"

—plurry

I've been told it's the bad Wegmans, due to the neighborhood and the amount of theft that goes on.

By black people.

—Jaffa Cakes

Full list of quotes (oldest to newest):

I am immune to aids and so are all my sexual cadavers/partners.

—MajandraFan

Go back to Loveline you fucking carpenter hack!

—greymatters

Yes, I meant "get your hand out of your goddamn pants, boy".

—ItHadToBeJew

I hate fucking humans. Kill all humans!

—Lefty

Think of all the wasted time and money in anti-drug PSA's. All they really need to do is read Ac3 R0ck0lla's post aloud, and follow it with "this is your vocabulary on drugs. Any questions?"

—UndeadJim

Laith is the most calm Iraqi terrorist I've ever come across. But don't dare cross him, he'll kill you!

—greymatters

The navy guy wants a piece when he gets back. All seamen are the same, they want inside your uterus.

—greymatters

YOU'RE DROWNING IN YOUR OCEAN OF LIES!

—ItHadToBeJew

I like sex while my woman is menstruating because it's so much wetter/gooier. It's like taking the truck and goin' muddin.

—MARK 5 VERSE 9

i wish he would quit morning radio and go back to loveline. that nappy haired fuck

—azhardcore24

22 year old's don't usually don't look young. And if they do that's like hitting the jackpot.

—Had To Get It On

You assholes who support adoption over abortion are idiots. Why would you want a woman to go through nine months of torture for nothing, when a nice doctor can take care of it with an ice cream scoop.

—greymatters

Only pussies and jamokes are against the war. I support President Bush because he is kicking the shit out of the whining little countries who are trying to fuck with us. I hope he bombs France and Canada next because I am sick of those bitches.

—jjgold

My enormous, swollen, purple, veiny, pulsating dick is kinda attached to my husband so I doubt he'd go for it, but as far as the head goes, Laith has several, he could probably spare one. You just need to let him know and specify paper or plastic.

—catloaf

i'd rather have 10 steve o's than 1 dameshek

—000

Oh, who gives a fuck. I mean..I don't like you. I mean..ah, I give up.

—chix0r

I was going to say something like LOL HE LOOKS CUTE I'D HIT THAT but I realised I might actually encounter him someday, and that would be awkward.

—TortillaFactory

Also, would you have civilian internet access? If no, then join tonight. I'll miss having one less satirical hypocritical pedant around here, but one must make sacrifices or whatever.

—MajandraFan

Damn, British guy is getting quite testy these days. Who shat on your crumpets?

—Beat It!

But, but, but, Laith is so pretty, he's like a woman with a penis.

—greymatters

I keep forgetting, you haven't met Killrogg Deadeye, that's Laith's penis.

—greymatters

Get my name on someone's suicide note......check.

—Had To Get It On

KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

—plurry

i don't like to share my drugs. more for me.

—plurry

Those hives weren't hives at all, they were bruises! DUN DUN DUN!!!!

—greymatters

WTF. Stryker is the worst thing since AIDS.

—A Guy in a Chair

Kevin, Adam isn't on Loveline anymore, you have nothing to live for. It's time.

—greymatters

Whoa, when I first scrolled through, I scrolled through really fast, and saw alot of skin. Not even paying attention to the thread title, I reached for my crotch and slowly scrolled back up. Only to be slammed in the face by men. Lots and lots of men.

—A Guy in a Chair

To me, all whites are trash. Some are just really good at hiding it. I don't mean like the upper crust of society, I mean like the ones that pretend to be "down".

—Had To Get It On

Being happy when only Drew is on the show sans Stryker is kind of like the feeling you get when the doctor removes the 9 nails you accidentally drove into your forehead.

—Mancow

I remember when we were kids, one of our favorite games was to play "pirate." We'd dress up like pirates. Then we'd go find an adult walking down the street and we'd go up to him and pull out our butcher knives, which we called "swords," and say, "We're pirates! Give us your money!" A lot of adults would pretend to be scared and give us their money. Others would suddenly run away, yelling for help. We played pirate until we were twenty or so.

—HocusPocus

I'm totally they guy she cheated on you with. She said you have a small penis, btw. Just thought you should know.

—Masteel

I can only imagine the slick moderation ui for this forum.

—Full Meat

I know that I'm not that smart, and people should find my horrible grades amusing.

—adams_babymomma

Jerk Cakes. Is that what they put in urinals?

—TortillaFactory

Unwanted babies = kill it with fire!!!!

—greymatters

I eat animals because I hate them.

—greymatters

I would like to take my unused "idiot" label, which I had originally intended for andrewwagner, and firmly affix it to lovelineaddict.

—Dusty TheHick

Cuz I really don't know why you're acting like a feral cat has scratched the shit ouf of your labia and now you're sleeping in a vat of orange juice.

—MajandraFan

Careful "rancid," you're going to "run" out of "unnecessary" quote "marks".

—TortillaFactory

If you are against crushing Stryker's spirit, you are a terrorist.

—greymatters

[One of my pet peeves is t]he fact that, if you are in a dark room and have to slowly feel around for the door/wall/dead hooker, when you hit your head/foot on something you always end up smashing/crushing/lacerating/slamming/raping it at about 2,434,312 MPH, which always fucking hurts like hell, even though you are moving at a snails pace the whole time.

—A Guy in a Chair

Look at Australia we brits sent all our scum over there and 100 years later they are a highly evolved and civillised nation who beat our asses at all sports.

—AceRockollaisAce

omgwtfbbq

—chix0r

I love you too. Let's go to dinner, and for dessert, let's go kill some people and eat ice cream out of their coelom.

—greymatters

God, I have the biggest hard on for Saves The Day. unfunfunf

—smaller hands

Theo "contributed" to Loveline in the same way the Black Plague contributed to Europe.

—Beat It!

how could he live in seattle and not like it up the pooper?

—Robots Rule

What kind of stupid bitch can't throw up in the toilet?

—smaller hands

You guys ought to try being open-minded too...except when it comes to Stryker. He really does suck.

—Mayonnaise

I'd also like to say that I'd give money to Michael Narren. Better him than some phony charity. "Salvation Army"? WTF? Why would I give money to an army?

—mikeyfish

I actually prefer not to know, makes she/he all the more sexier. But I swear, if you have a dong I'm going to be sick.

—rAnCIDsICk@!!!

Loveline - cause of death - ignored by it's parents

—AceRockollaisAce

I need a good question, because apparently, actually medical questions are too much for this show. I know some of you know my rant about the type of questions that are on this show, but holy shit, enough with the I can't fucking orgasm calls, Jesus Christ. You can't orgasm? Great, then fucking kill yourself and kill stryker with you. I've tried calling in with numerous times, every time, the bitch screen tells me that we aren’t taking these calls anymore, are you fucking kidding me? Stop dumbing down this show for the tards.

—Lefty

im not a grammar nazi, or else I would type like this and use intelligent words in my vernacular, such as "extroverted" and "contentious".

—Stryker311

I'll TiVo it. Oh, that's right, I don't have a TiVo. Oh, that's right, I don't have a TV. Oh, that's right, I didn't pay my electric bill from June yet. Oh, th

—Had To Get It On

Grey[matters] is neither mean nor nice. Grey is like the wind. Do you think the wind chooses whom to destroy in a hurricane, or whom to lightly caress with its sweet midsummer breezes? We are merely in its path. Whether we are here or not, the wind blows on.

—TortillaFactory

this might be the gayest thing you've ever said on this message board. I'm not even talking about normal gay, I'm talking anobody gay.

—greymatters

My ex, my current boyfriend and I all like being naked. But not together or anything, that would be weird.

—chix0r

for a republican andrew listens to some pretty gay music

—Robots Rule

I concede it. I'm an idiot.

—andrewwagner777

Buenos días Señorita Hezbollah.

—anobody

laith, I want to have your abortion.

—Robots Rule

i also want to have laith's abortion.

—plurry

SHUT UP, I WAS HERE FIRST! NO ONE CAN HAVE LAITH'S ABORTION BUT ME!

—TortillaFactory

I blame your horrible parents. Their reproductive organs need to be filled with high grade explosives and sacrificed to the god of (rich) white trash.

—Beat It!

Was that the night where we all dressed up as munchkins and penetrated ourselves with lollipops... or am I thinking of another time?

—mandeemoo22

Tyrone, are you seriously crying about getting kicked out of a warez group on a message board called The Loveline Companion? Holy shit, you're an Oreo.

—greymatters

If somewhun understandz whut u say then u r communicating that iz thee onlee rule.

—Beat It!

ONCE UPON A TIME, PEOPLE DIDN'T DO WHAT I TOLD THEM. SO I FUCKED THOSE CRACKERS UP. SUDDENLY, I WANT A HOT DOG.

—zt-in-hell

YOU can shut the fuck up about your cancer.

—adams_babymomma

This guy is a innocent. He's still a creep/child molestor though.

—adams_babymomma

Please say you'll use the aborted babies blood to water the plants. That would be so bad ass.

—A Guy in a Chair

Radiohead is the worst thing since Stryker.

—TortillaFactory

They also hate Italians and Jews, they're not sure which one Adam is, but they want him to go back to Africa.

—zt-in-hell

I meant to write "sexy" after my last post, but I just started masturbating so violently that I forgot what I was writing and I posted.

—Robots Rule

Call the show. Don't ask us. Don't complain when you get a sarcastic response from a public forum. Fuck you, and good day.

—A Guy in a Chair

Now get these motherfucking damaged goods off my motherfucking board.

—TortillaFactory

You fucking infantile, go cry to mommy.

—greymatters

Adam sucks; I'm so glad he's not on Loveline anymore.

—greymatters

anobody will be around longer and he's completely capable of finding one of us and killing us while screaming out his ex-wife's name.

—greymatters

You already have cancer, you might as well rape her, if you get life in prison, the joke's on them.

—greymatters

[On Yom Kippur, Jewish people] just sit there and count their money. it's disgusting

—Robots Rule

beware, a woman's labia is like a cat's tongue, kinda prickly. Dip your tongue deftly in the butt once per 10 revolutions. repeatedly chomp pubic hair and make lawnmower sounds.

—ProfessorCarbuncle

Why are you so threatened by your boyfriend masturbating to porn? How fat are you?

—greymatters

Adam drinks Diet Coke? What a fruit; good thing he's not on Loveline anymore.

—greymatters

If you went to Princeton on some kind of annoying forum troll scholarship it might push me over the edge.

—bguirk

Much more subtle than starting a thread called "Nigger Food."

—zt-in-hell

i wanna stick my hand in a cows ass

—adams_babymomma

You're "stumped?" Man I'm sorry to hear about your ambiguous genitalia. Go ahead and refer to it as a penis if it makes you feel better. I hope things turn out for ya.

—striker

Compared to Stryker, Rob Schneider set the bar too high.

—Mancow

stryker > drake

—plurry

ANDERSON COWAN IS GOD

—Sassafras Roots

Don't let plurry turn off the lights, he has a massive cock and he's angry.

—greymatters

That blue is so pretty. It's like the color of my vagina on a warm summer night.

—mandeemoo22

Yeah, I really wish I had [Stryker's] lack of wit and any semblance of a sense of humor. Why can't I be lucky enough to ruin a successful radio show?

—Mayonnaise

Don't wear a condom, that's gay.

—greymatters

Go to a gay bar and start calling them fags, gays love that, they will not rape you.

—greymatters

Go to the store and buy some lighter fluid and drink it.

—greymatters

Go into the kitchen, pick out the biggest knife you can find and carve out your vagina.

—greymatters

Laith, I know you don't agree with me advocating Stryker[311] babies, but if we have more targets to shoot, the fun will last even longer. The more the merrier.

—greymatters

I HAVE NATURALLY ABUNDANT ANAL MUCUS

—ZT-In-Utero

I FROM NORTH KOREA, AND I KILL YOU ROUND EYES, NUKE YOU TO HELLZZZZ!!! ALL BLOW KIM JONG NOW!!

—Lefty

You [Drake] seem like the kind of guy who has time to sit around doing surveys. Then again, I guess you don't need any cash since you're about to die.

—chix0r

I might cry if I dated someone who didn't want a BJ.

—chix0r

OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE STRIKER! SMOKE A FUCKING BOWL, SLAM SOME BEER AND TAKE A CHILL PILL! NO, WAIT! CHOP UP THE CHILL PILL AND SNORT IT. THEN IT WILL KICK IN FASTER!

—PLURRY-IN-ZT

lefty, there are many virgins waiting for you in heaven. fly an airplane into the sears tower and they are all yours.

—plurry

ahhhh, middle aged men discussing masturbation habits, recieving oral, and pubic hair. nothin' betta.

—Stryker311

If Colin Powell knocked up 7 women he would have already killed them all with his bare hands and licked up the pool of their human stew, because he leaves no evidence behind.

—greymatters

I basically walk around with my eyes at groin level 24/7, I'm constantly afraid an erection will occur and I'll miss it.

—TortillaFactory

Stryker you should let drake hang out with you and your buddies...ya know like in elementary school where they have the PAL program[.] which is about the cool kids befriending the not so cool kids, and they all hangout and grow together.

—adams_babymomma

So Stephanie is a virgin? Is that why her big black boyfriend beat her up, because she wouldn't put out?

—Mikeyfish-In-TF

Totally busted. Like the time my cousin caught me beating off. She was looking through the keyhole, btw. Little cuntbag.

—Colin

I HAVE SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT IF YOU ACCUSE PEOPLE OF MAKING AD HOMINEM ATTACKS YOU'RE ASS IS SO FULL OF CUM YOU HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT.

—ZT-In-Zen

I ALSO HAVE SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT IF YOU'RE NAMED AFTER STYKER, YOUR BALLS ARE THE SIZE OF RASINS.

—ZT-In-Zen

LOL LINKING TO TUBGIRL, THAT'S SO ORIGINAL. YOU WIN AN INTERNETS.

—TortillaFactory

If it were true that two different people couldn't have two different but valid opinions of something then what's the point of Ebert & "you're not Siskel you fucking asshole?"

-bguirk

When I started shaving, it itched so fucking badly and I would be constantly scratching my crotch in public, but people wouldn't notice until I would shout, "Oh my god, I'm scratching my crotch in public again!"

—mandeemoo22

NO...I'LL NEVER HAVE ANAL SEX...THE BUTTHOLE IS NOT FOR SHOVING THINGS IN

—adams_babymomma

THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I HATE IT HERE! THIS PLACE AIN'T LIKE IT USED TO BE. I MISS THE GOOD OL DAYS. PLUS, I JUST TOOK 378 VICODIN TABLETS! I'M DYING AS YOU READ THIS! TAKE THAT YOU FUCKERS!!! GOODBYE. I'LL NEVER BE BACK!

—PLURRY-IN-ZT

I THINK SOMEBODY NEEDS A NAP AND A LEMON JUICE ENEMA.

—ZT-In-Zen

[Laith]'s not pregnant anymore. He was, but he ripped out the fetus and ate it. Gross, you guys.

—mandeemoo22

I'M GOING TO CTRL-C MY BALLS AND THEN CTRL-V THEM ON YOUR FACE

—ZT-In-Zen

laith used to be in control of his profile. now his profile is in control of him! DUN DUN DUN!!!

—plurry

IS MY WELL LUBRICATED BUTTHOLE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

—ZT-In-Zen

Call up and say you think your friend is od'ing on heroin and then give the symptoms (look them up first genius and get one of them wrong). It'll give Anderson the chance to play the "you're a heroin addict" and you can end the call by saying "I have an adrenaline shot in the fridge, should I use that?"

—bguirk

i did not SET [my] balls on the keyboard. i used them as a mace to do battle with the keyboard. thus the striking radius was larger.

—foob2011

STRIKER: LOVELINE COMPANION MEMBERS DON'T THINK YOU'RE NECESSARY.

—andrewwagner777

Bloated Cancer Boy, stop using all of our fucking gas, you fat fuck.

—greymatters

Chemotherapy may be shrinking your balls, but you don't have to act like it.

—ZT-In-Zen

Daylight's savings time is my favorite holiday of them all. But I'm not satisfied with just one hour. I say we start a movement to fucking turn the clock back 26 years. Hells yeah, then we re-live the eighties, something I never personally experienced. That would be sweet.

—A Guy in a Chair

Shit, I don't know anything about anything.

—drakeguy19

it used to be ace_r0ck0lla and Aceis acerockolla, but thankfully one of them killed themselves so that I wouldn't be confused anymore.

—Robots Rule

At least AIDS kills you after a few years. Stryker just annoys you forever.

—Mayonnaise

As soon as you turn 18, I'm going to tell you to go fuck yourself.

—Dusty TheHick

I drink because I don't have much in terms of cognitive faculties.

—drakeguy19

im lookign in yourr windowe right now3

—mandeemoo22

you thnk pedoeple are going to be yrou firned bedause you lieke johhn mayrer and daeth cab/ maeybe three yearss aago. i deveote so mcuch of life to makaing fun of joihn mayer. maybe yoell get smaashsed? what a reebellllll

—mandeemoo22

drkae ahs no firneds!

—mandeemoo22

I diagnosed myself with 16" subwoofers, spinning rims, and wood paneling

—Robots Rule

In order for Laith to have sex with you, he has to kill you. I hope you're okay with that, because he's already on his way.

—greymatters

people should stop flagging quotes.

—MajandraFan

can boys really just masturbate to pictures of girls on a forum, it seems like it would take much more. maybe it's just because I'm a girl, but I would need a stable/lasting relationship, an article of his clothing, a lock of hair, a shrine, and some candles/kenny g playing in the background.

—Robots Rule

you know what we haven't had in a while; a massive thread with jerk material. I miss my comp. getting frozen on a picture of gross giant tits

—Robots Rule

Lexie! Don't be racist! That was so mean omg. Don't you know that niggers are people too?

—mandeemoo22

I thought it had already been established that I'm the most racist person on this board.

—Had To Get It On

just so you all know, I'm not racist, I actually know somee one that's black, and it's a really devastating disease, and we shouldn't joke about it.

—Robots Rule

1. have an index finger.
2. insert in to anus.
3. feel around for a red button. if you feel a green button, you have gone too far. if you feel a purple button, go further.
4. press button.
5. the rest is self explanatory.

—Bears attack!

SHUT THE FUCK UP STRIKER
SHUT THE FUCK UP STRIKER
SHUT THE FUCK UP STRIKERSHUT THE FUCK UP STRIKERSHUT THE FUCK UP STRIKERSHUT THE FUCK UP STRIKERSHUT THE FUCK UP STRIKERSHUT THE FUCK UP STRIKER

—adams_babymomma

[note: this goes on for dozens and dozens of lines, spanning multiple posts]

Careful, Leens...You might give drake a difficult-on.

—Dusty TheHick

COMMITTING SUICIDE IS FUN AND EASY. COMMITTING RITUALISTIC GROUP SUICIDE IS FUNNER AND EASIER.

—ZT-In-Recovery

You have AIDS, get away from me.

—greymatters

In Darfur, we rape like you eat picnics.

—greymatters

I WANNA BE A HIPPE AND DO LCD

—adams_babymomma

My grandfather is constantly like "I have whiskey dick" and I'm like "You're so old, pop-pop".

—mandeemoo22

You tell me where he lives, and I will tell you his rectal temperature as measured with my toe.

—ZT-In-Recovery

Opening ten threads in a row, only to find, in each of them, an "^attn Laith" posted by MajandraFan, is akin to opening ten emails, purportedly from known friends, only to find spam that has been sent by a hacker.

—Dusty TheHick

OMG i am so annoyed with this ugly girl who's in my class... she likes this guy in our class, and she keeps asking me if i think he likes her, and if he would ask her out.. i would like to scream at her fat face..."BITCH, I CAN'T READ HIS FUCKING MIND"

—adams_babymomma

[waves hand] These are not the underaged girls you're loking for.

—anobody

there are toddlers with down syndrome with better instincts than you scotty

—MajandraFan

I'm writing a movie about Bloated Cancer Boy and Dusty. Dusty will cut Bloated Cancer Boy into four pieces and feast on a section every three months. After each feast, Dusty will shit out Bloated Cancer Boy. In the pile of shit, there will be an egg filled with Bloated Cancer Boy's cancerous stem cells. Dusty will plant these stem cells in an organic farm and make Bloated Cancer Boy trees. The end shot will be a forest of Bloated Cancer Boy Trees, filled with Bloated Cancer Boys dangling from the tree limbs. Scariest movie ever. The End.

—greymatters

I'm an asshole. it's fun though

—Stryker311

Oh, please God, let them fight again, I missed it the first time. I promise I won't kill anymore Canadians.

—greymatters

"Hi, I'm boring. People only help me if they have no other interests or talents but they feel like doing something that they can brag about"- Darfur

—mandeemoo22

Tests show that you're a sandy little butthole.

—ZT-In-Recovery

Oh, my God. The vomit won't stop. The vomit just won't stop.

—Mikeyfish-In-TF

i think tampons are degrading to women. men shouldn't tell us when and where we can bleed. we should be able to decide on our own.

—Robots Rule

Laith, you see, I go to this place called a supermarket. Places like that have what's known as CHECKSTANDS. At these "checkstands," there are every major tabloid on both sides of you. Ask your servants who do your shopping for you about this.

—striker

i'VE WANTED TO CALL BLACK PEOPLE NiGGERS BEFORE, BUT i DiDN'T THOUGH i DiD CALL ONE A SPEAR-CHUCKER.

—hash-is-gay

Furthermore, pull my finger.

—Dusty TheHick

As your husband, Laith gets to kill you, have sex with you, light your body on fire and roast marshmallows over your burning flesh. Deal with it!

—greymatters

I'M CONVINCED THAT TLC IS JUST ME, AND A SCHIZOPHRENIC PERSON PRETENDING TO BE THE OTHER 3000+ MEMEBRS.

—ZT-In-Recovery

strikers wife is so banging his brother and making striker clean the mess afterwards with his tongue. whoohha hah ha

—AceRockollaisAce

God damn women always spending my hard earned money on makeup so they can look like fucking whores! Go to hell! I hate you I hate you I hate you mommy! I don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die.

—bguirk

Did you hear the one about JFK Jr. and Princess Di? THEY DIED! LOL!

—Mikeyfish-In-TF

It's not cool to use the internet just to get to someone. If you don't want anything from the internet then you should say so. Don't string the internet along becasue it has a cute sister or whatever. lame

—MajandraFan

My boyfriend just started taking Cymbalta for "anxiety" because he never does his homework.

—drakeguy19

Lefty, get cancer! Oh! I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean that.

—greymatters

Who the fuck is Full Meat? Holy shit, he's so full of shit. More like Full Shit. amirite?

—greymatters

Okay, fucking someone in their eye socket is really insulting, but doing it to a black guy is even worse. I mean, it's like, first slavery and now you're fucking my black eye socket. Thanks.

—greymatters

who is making decisions at westwood one? is it one of george bush's relatives?

—plurryho

Stryker isn't ugly, he just looks/dresses like a tool. He needs to be given a good wash to flatten out that duck's ass haircut. Burn all his tight girl clothes and give him a frontal lobotomy to wipe his personality, and he'd be a perfectly serviceable retail worker.

—Queen TortillaFactory

The only way I could get my ugly, dentally-challenged, fly-attracting, trailercentric wife to have sex with me was to marry her. Now I'm STUCK with that trashy bitch (and she with me), and we hate each other. I'm bitter and jealous of the rest of you. I think I'll go resume practicing fellatio on one of my guns now.

-striker

[note: this post was totally made by him and not someone else and is not totally fake, amirite??]

My belief is simple - computers are bastards and will only go wrong when you finally trust them enough to put everything important on them and then forget to back those things up.

—AceRockollaisAce

I'm not scared of black people. If you don't piss off them, they won't stab you.

—mandeemoo22

[Murder]'s bad for our society, who does it help? Besides the murderer? And all the people who disliked the victim? Other than them, who does it help? no one

—Stryker311

The beauty of NYC is that it's a playground and urinal at the same time.

—ZT-In-Thought

I would like Anfernee and Lena to mate. Then, Laith and I can take target practice. Everybody wins.

—greymatters

Anfernee, when you turn 18 and you can legally own a gun, we will team up and become the Hobo Hunters. I shoot and you take the blame. It'll be awesome.

—greymatters

When you move into a red state, they will do a background check on you to see if you were once a fag. I'm just trying to help protect you.

—greymatters

college should only be attempted by ugly women who won't be able to get a man because of thier deformity...the rest of us ladies should just drop out and work in a mill factory..the get burned and die.

—adams_babymomma

I don't like it when Drake posts anything. It's just yuck. Like sour milk. No matter which way you swirl it in your mouth, it can't be enjoyed.

—MajandraFan

I like mandee and I've never imagined her naked and doing things to my genitals. Well, there was that one time, but she and I talked it over and once we got over the awkwardness of it, we were all cool.

—catloaf

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU SPEND ALL OF YOUR MONEY STUFFING YOUR FAT FACE. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A BEAN BAG WITH A GUN?

—ZT-In-Thought

PLEASE, GUN FATTY, TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON IPODS AND NOT ON US.

—ZT-In-Thought

WE'RE FUCKING ST000000PID. ST0000000OOOOO0000OOOO0000OOOO000OOO0000000PIODFED.

—ZT-In-Thought

CAPITIZING random words MAKES my POINTS much MORE valid. NOT.

—Stryker311

TO ADDRESS YOUR POINTS: AS SHOWN IN (a) YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT. FURTHER, IN (b) YOU STILL DON'T FUCKING GET IT. IN SUMMARY, YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT.

—ZT-In-Thought

love the way all of us who listen to loveline can now do amatuer diagnoses with such confidence

—AceRockollaisAce

So did your father tell you "Now listen here boy, use the back of the fist, it leaves less of a noticable mark but the bitch will get the point and cook some moons over your hammy." At that point it seems this is where he would go "pa-toey" and some chew get's spit into a tin pot and it makes that *Ting noise.

—rAnCIDsICk@!!!

THIS IS FOR THAT GUN FATTY, STRIKER. STRIKER, YOU NEED TO STOP BEING FAT. DO NOT REPLY WITH YOUR "BLARGABLAEWRAZFDBARGLGIGGLE, I'M FAT AND GET REJECTED BY WOMEN SO I HATE THEM WITH MY GUNS, HUGLAIGALGIESBABIES." WE WILL NOT LISTEN.

—ZT-In-Thought

I HAVEN'T HAD FONDUE SINCE THE LATE 70'S!
I REMEMBER CUTTING MYSELF WITH A STEAK KNIFE THAT NIGHT AT DINNER!
WHY DID MY PARENTS LET ME FRY MEAT WITH A KNIFE?
I KNEW THEN I HATED MY PARENTS AND WOULD NEVER FONDUE AGAIN!!!

—plurry

As a white girl, the world is mine to steal from.

—mandeemoo22

Be my friend, and leave me lots of comments! beacuse i get really pissed off when i check my myspace and find nothing new, then i end up adding drug addicts and perverts as my friends.

—adams_babymomma

OMG, OMG, I just thought of a new joke. What's white and black and red all over? THIS FORUM!

It worked better in my head.

—Queen TortillaFactory

[Before sex,] i sacrifice my finest goat to allah.

—plurry

[Before sex,] I pick up strikers wife!

—AceRockollaisAce

stryker's mom deciding against an abortion is where it all went wrong.

—plurry

Haha, I'm so happy Dave got fired. Eat it, Dave, and your mother. Now all they have to do is fire Adam. Theresa can stay, because she's a Jew.

—greymatters

ABM, you're fat. Lose some weight, bitch. Oh, Merry Christmas, ho.

—greymatters

Nuts should come with a handbook.

—catloaf

I am very disappointed in the amount of vagina in this thread. Like eating all the cereal and finding no prize when the box clearly states there will be a prize.

—Big Valley

My new year's resolution is to stop attending TLC and stop being insane. I keep running into people who remind me of TLC folks. There's this one girl I keep running into who looks just like Lexington except she's half-Mexican and half-English and has longer hair (but whatever). I don't think we like each other, it's very odd. But I love Lexington, this confuses me. Then, there's this girl who reminds me of Stefanie, yes, she's short, and yes, she's cute as a button, also has longer hair. Of course there's someone who reminds me of plurry, this guy who is a bit insane, turned his life around after a DUI, the DUI that plurry should have had. Whenever I watch Top Chef, there's this guy named Michael who looks exactly like Tiffany. I keep thinking it's her with a hat on, or her twin brother, it's amazing. Finally, there's this weird dream I have where Laith follows me around in a trenchcoat to some kind of gathering and he sprays bullets all over the place killing all of my family and friends, the weird part is when I don't know how to react to it, am I supposed to be sad? Maybe I'm not sad. If I'm not sad, am I happy? Why didn't Laith shoot me? Did Laith miss me? Did I ask Laith to do this? So many questions, but the dream ends with no answers, just dead bodies. Laith, why did you kill all those people?

—greymatters

you are a nutjob - you steal women from the american males and turn them on to your perverted lesbo muff sex and you mix with the our nee, ni, nig, ni, bl, uh african american friends and pretend that they are hard done by and deserve thier own celebrations - Black Music Awards anyone! - I wonder what would happen if somebody tried to start a White Music Awards - Racist I hear you say - You are lucky you are a sexy bird mandee because if you were a fat dyke you would not be getting away with it.

—AceRockollaisAce

Polyamory and communism are both based on the faulty premise that people don't care about owning stuff.

—Queen TortillaFactory

THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH PHRASES LIKE "RESEARCH SHOWS" FOLLOWED BY A SENTENCE THAT CONTAINS NO REFERENCE TO ACTUAL RESEARCH.

—ZT-In-Thought

ZT, I hope to christ that you break your fucking toe again. Then, when you order pizza to make yourself feel better, the pizza delivery guy will smear the pizza on his dick. You'll find a pube of his after you've eaten half the pie. Then, you will realize why God hates you.

—greymatters

Dusty is old. But I love him anyways. Not in a homosexual way, unless you count how much I want to suck his cock and get his hot sticky cum shot all over my face.

—ZT-In-Thought

From now on, I demand to be called Lizmuffins.

—Queen TortillaFactory

you know loveline is sinking when there are request for me to take over

—Theo

Let's take a moment right here. I know we laugh and we argue and we hold little grudges, but on this very new years day, I just want to say that I love all of you. There is even a little place in my heart for striker. Although, I genuinely don't like drake, so he's excluded from this. But, the rest of you are great. You make me laugh and you keep me busy and I really hope that all of you have a great 2007. And by that, I mean that hopefully this will be drake's last year.

—mandeemoo22

only gays follow the rules

—Stryker311

OMG, I just had a vision of Bloated Cancer sticking his dick in the deposit slot at the ATM.

—greymatters

fuck me, right in the ass.

—John Lennon

i would give you kids my phone number, but it would be the landline, and my mom would ask why old men are calling me at strange hours of the night, and calling me a ho.

—lexieho

Anfernee, you're only saying ["Alcoholism is 80% a choice, 20% hereditary"] so you can blame your parents even more for being the drunken assholes that they are. Yes, they choose their path but if you looked at their family tree, I bet most of your older relatives are drunken assholes too. It's okay, you can break the cycle. Oh wait, you're almost already a drunken asshole, too late.

—greymatters

a dyke picking up chicks at [Planned Parenthood]. don't most girls go there for pregnancy related things, not dykotosis of the vagina.

—lexieho

Me, I carry a harpoon. NOBODY fucks with me. Unless I TELL them to.

—catloaf

Tiffany, you're like my favorite trash can, I just love kicking you.

—greymatters

Anfernee, why do you think those earbud [iPod] headphones are all white, they're soaked in gay. Your ears are now gay, cut them off, it's for your own good.

—greymatters

Bloated Cancer, are you fucking serious with this shit? People hate you. Even Mandee hates you, and she's a person so full of love she even loves blacks, she's softening up on striker and I'm pretty sure she'd have sex with Osama to save the world. When a forum hates you as much as this forum does and you don't see it, you have far more serious issues than just cancer; you're a fucking idiot.

—greymatters

So, I should get a gun because a lot of other females don't have one. A lot of other females don't have penises. Maybe I'll get one of those too. I don't want a big one, just a cute little Asian one that will go with my outfits.

—mandeemoo22

Mandee!!! Don't do it!!! If striker kills a Jew, that's an extra 25 points!!!!

—greymatters

legion thinks we don't believe he's actually eaten something unless he scans the label. he's overlooked the fact that we don't give a fuck.

—Queen TortillaFactory

yeah. because everyone knows you really relate to drake because you're fat. seriously, just kidding. can i titty fuck you sometime?

—smaller hands

btw, has anyone else noticed how much in love [Stryker] is with Astroglide, but then comments on how he can't get any chicks? I always thought Astroglide was strictly for gay butt sex. All the pieces are fitting together all of a sudden...

—Stryker311

I really want Lexie, Laith, and Liz to hang out with eachother. Do it, you guys! It'll be so gross!

—mandeemoo22

There is no "I" in "slut" but there is a "U"....and by "U" i mean YOU..YOU DAMMIT..ALL YOU HERPES ASS INFESTED HOBAGS.

—adams_babymomma

he smeared the jizz on my leg so i gave him little jizz hand prints on his black weezer shirt.

—smaller hands

It would have been better if Richard Gere [in the movie Chicago] stuck a gerbil in his butt instead of tap dancing but oh well. Mr. Cellophane is clearly the best song. Rene Zelwegger is so ugly but seriously if a dude had her body I'd be so into it. Although her arms were veiny like a big throbbing cock, I was mostly into her back. It looked amazing. It was all toned and nice looking without having the muscles look all bulky and sick. I want to press my boobs against her and give her a reach around.

—smaller hands

You take the morning after pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the RU-486 pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

—Nectar of the Tards

Do you think if you fucked [Janeane Garafolo] you would catch Scientology?

—ZT-In-Thought

condoms? i don't like how they feel, and they make me lose my difficult on, do we have to use them? don't you trust me? i love you, i won't let anything bad happen.

—lexieho

thedree are pitures of me on the interesnets deepthorating a cuicuumber

—mandeemoo22

I've noticed that that little bitch Stryker likes to talk about what kinds of things he likes in bed. He likes to describe it in detail. I think he thinks this makes him sound really macho and hetero. Then he likes to ask Drew if he likes that. Drew usually doesn't answer. Fucking dipshit. I fucking hate that guy.

—acm323

laith and i aren't doing it, because he is on his peroid, and i don't want to get blood on my dick.

—lexieho

laith and i aren't fucking, because i am still alive.

—lexieho

i've been going across the border, molesting mexican children and running back.

—plurry

Why don't you fly out to Colorado and make me [stop bitching about Stryker], you fat fuck? There's a lot of mountains out here and sometimes people from out of state fall off of them and a person named ZT is seen running away laughing maniacally.

—ZT-In-Thought

I define myself as a person who wants you to shut the fuck up and die already.

—Audrey Raines

What is it with Europeans and nudity? If God wanted us to not wear clothes, he wouldn't have made the human body so hideous.

—Audrey Raines

DAG making stryker cry would be good radio.

—bguirk

I could see drew beat [Stryker's] ass and say "your gay" followed with "who's the expert I am I am I am"

—rAnCIDsICk@!!!

as for the free abortion, i need a time machine or a really really late term

—Theo

Hey, Bloated Cancer, can you do me a big favor? Can you die?

—greymatters

gunboy I have spotted something recently here in England maybe this is part of the conspiracy - back in August it was sunny and the mornings were light when I got up and it was light at night till well past 9.00pm - Now when i wake up it is Dark and cold and it is dark a few hours earlier in the evenings. I think its the goverment or it could be god - please help, send me a load of guns I need to sort this out.

—AceRockollaisAce

DELETE THE POOP FROM YOUR PANTS.

—ZT-In-Thought

Yes, acting like Drake [on the DC++ hub] will get you banned, and deservedly so. You should also then kill yourself with some spare knives.

—Jaffa Cakes

I don't think even you would make the argument that one man, his toothless wife, and their blighted, mangy children could possibly "need" an extensive firearm collection. Even in the event of a hostile Fascist takeover, you can only shoot, at most, two guns at a time per person.

—TortillaFactory

You only like [that music video] because of your stupid female logic.

Females are simple and they're impressed by bright lights, everyone. When they watch that video, they're like a moth to a flame.

This is why we pay taxes. These stupid females will agree to anything when they're mesmerized by the shiny gold watches the rich politicians wear (paid for by your tax money). Its how we pay for those lie-barys where we can wait in line like under the soviet system.

All of this is in my politically suppressed book about how the world government run secretly by the joos and the Nazis (who have always been in cahoots and who faked the Holocaust to garner sympathy) has already taken over this country.

I can no longer sit back and allow Communist (aka Joo-Nazi) infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

Today, war is too important to be left to politicians. Don't kid yourself people.

We are at war. Its a cold war with hot pockets™ between the secret Joo-Nazi-Communist-Soviet world government and patriots like myself.

God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural... fluids.

God bless you all!!!

—anobody

You ever wake up in the morning next to a dead hooker? Blood everywhere, her severed head still attached to your flaccid penis? What's up with that?

—Jaffa Cakes

I'm going to kill Laith to do Lexington's abortion. That's how hardcore I am. I'm going to watch 300, get pumped and kill Laith. Then, I will go to Lexington's house and perform her abortion. I don't care if she's preggers or not. Doesn't matter.

—greymatters

ichoose theh sidse of thor god of thurnder

—mandeemoo22

911: hello, 911
plurry: yeah, i just found my friend. they're naked and bleeding from the head.
911: are they breathing?
plurry: well, i just had sex with them, they made some noises while i was pounding away, so i think so.
911: ok, we'll send someone out immediately.

—plurry

I can't tell you the number of times I've been charged by a deer and (it's so FRUSTRATING!!!) I was unable to turn that deer into deerburger with an assault rife. I had to settle for blasting it's motherfucking brains with just a plain-old rifle. If only I had those armor piercing bullets, maybe that would have made up for it.

Seriously, gun people are the reason the rest of us should carry guns.

—Batman

Anyone truly immersed in French to the point where they understand the culture would not discuss language at this length. Rather they would have told each other to fuck off and went back to smoking their cigarette and brooding/crying/suiciding while blaming their problems on Americans.

—ZT-In-Thought

Laughter is the best medicine. Not for cancer, though, there's no cure for that.

—Rufus T. Firefly

he does NOT like me back, and wants nothing to do with my nasty g-string butt

—adams_babymomma

Lies! I am citizen-arresting you for these lies! I will now handcuff you to a scary-looking black guy in a dark subway. If something happens, it's not my fault.

—greymatters

People with cancer are just like us except for drake because he's a cockface.

—mandeemoo22

Purses are for tools, real women carry their belongings in their vagina.

—rAnCIDsICk@!!!

[note: the following is in the Sarcasm thread]

There are WAY too many Dusty quotes in Laith's profile.

—Dusty TheHick

Ahh well... I think you're full of shit, but I can't stay mad at you. Let's get married and do coke off each others dicks.

—ZT-In-Thought

You have to appreciate how poetically apropos it is for anobody to have a shot of himself appearing to have dug his own hole. Of course, he did it with his face, but still...

—Beat It!

It was a misunderstanding, Do you think I need to steal shit? No, I'm white if you forgot.

—Stryker311

LAITH, WE NEED A THRID TRIMESTER ABORTION HERE, STAT! BE SURE TO LEAVE ALL INVOLVED PARTIES STERILE!

—Beat It!

Tits or GTFO. You know what, just get the fuck out.

—greymatters

Both [my baby and my husband are] sleeping peacefully while I feed on the living.

—catloaf

CONFORM OR DIE

—lexieho (possibly "derekho")

I CAUGHT [the Easter bunny] YESTERDAY. BITCH DOESN'T THINK I KNOW HER CANDY HIDING SPOTS.

—lexieho (possibly "derekho")

I'm scared of balls...

—adams_babymomma

I'm really saddened that Laith hasn't killed one of you fuckers yet. I'm so depressed about this.

—greymatters

I'm going to turn your brown star blue.

—ZT-In-Thought

The [Loveline Companion] movie opens with Laith and Tyrone, so I'm picturing sort of a Pulp Fiction homage where Tyrone waxes poetic about massaging the feet of pre-teen girls as Laith looks on with steely disgust. Soon they arrive at Drake's grave where they dig up the body just to kill him again - 'cause you can't be too sure about these things. Then, BAM! Opening credits.

Man, I can't wait.

—Beat It!

i find straight Vasaline to be the best thing for severe chapped lips, so hike up your skirt and slop some on.

—Theo

Mandee, make some brownies laced with laxatives and serve it to him. Later, when your roommate is playing with his butthole, as they do, he will explode in her face and she will be forced to break up with him. It's the only way, bb.

—greymatters

Twat did you say? I cunt hear you. Tits ok, we'll finger it out eventually.

—catloaf

The Cheesecake Factory put ground up human bone in their cheesecake, that's why it tastes so good.

—greymatters

if my next g/f cheats on me, i'm totally beating the shit out of her with greymatters severed arm.

—plurry

The only person I will allow to have my severed arm is Laith, and only Laith.

—greymatters

Anfernee, let me explain [this statistical data on executions] to you in Fresno terms. If you drink two beers, you don't get a buzz. If you drink two shots, you get a slight buzz. How many beers do you need to equal the buzz of five shots? Maybe 10? So, one beer does not equal one shot, it equals half a shot. So, when you use data with raw numbers, you can't say one beer is equal to one shot, because it's not. But, you can say killing people is pretty fucking funny.

—greymatters

I just like [girls] because that's what society tells me to do. If everybody else liked eggplants, then I'd like eggplant instead.

—anobody

I'm Napoleon I'm want to conquer all of europe!!!

—rAnCIDsICk@!!!

I guess since AIDS is treatable now it's OK to lez out and fag off. Let's have a big gay orgy party everyone!

—bguirk

Judging from pictures he's posted before, that's his gf. Of course, judging by these pictures, he has LAZOR GUNS FOR EYES.

—TortillaFactory

Lena, why'd you do that? Now I know where you live, we're going to have the TLC Convention at your house. We're gonna come over to you house and be all like, "Hey, is Lena here?" And your dad's gonna all be like, "No! Get out of here, I have gun, I kill you!" Then, I'll be like, "No, no, no, we're her friends from the internets." But your dad'll be like, "I have bomb, I kill your family." Yeah, it'll be awkward, but awesome.

—greymatters

I ate a muffin, but it turned out to be a dick.

—JoshKoshBGosh

At the same time, I think death is great and there's no reason people shouldn't be able to ask to be killed.

—chix0r

THE BLOOD IS SWELLING IN YOU. TAKE OUT YOUR SQUIRTING WEAPON. USE IT. I AM A FREAK. FUCK ME WITH IT. GIVE IN TO YOUR PEE-PEE. WITH EACH PASSING MOMENT YOU MAKE YOUR PENIS MORE MY SERVANT.

—ZT Spice

today, on the way home from school, i accidently killed six million jews.

—lexieho

I found Jesus and no longer believe in indoor plumbing. I just took a shit on the lawn. Take that science!

—bguirk

Mormons kill people with their bibles while on their bikes. It's true, I've seen it.

—greymatters

Shi'ites and Sunnis can both agree that drake should die of cancer. Iraq itself will be united by this cause.

—bguirk

Drake hating racists makes me want to become a racist.

NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERKYKEKYKEKYKE!

—TortillaFactory

311 is the worst. How could people be that devoid of musical taste that they keep listening to their 311 CDs over and over again? What's worse is if they rotate 311 with Sublime. I refuse to go into people's cars if they have either CD with them. I'd rather walk home and get kidnapped and brutally raped rather than listen to 311 in someone's car.

—greymatters

We are us. Jezebel is the non-existent link between us and we, or in simpler terms, the abscence of jezebel equals complete harmony in the world, but the existence of her will result in utter chaos. Therefore, she is not of us, we are not of her, hello Matrix 4.

—anfernee

beating up other loveline fans is fun!

—plurry

What's empathy?

—greymatters

WHEN YOU MESS WITH ONE BEAN, YOU MESS WITH THE WHOLE BURRITO.

—ZT Spice

There is no spoon.

And besides, my guess is Laith prefers to knife.

—Beat It!

Tyrone, you're a negro. I am white and Jewish. I will always have more power than you. Dark people are so funny.

—mandeemoo22

i think i just got some cow shit on mah boots.

—plurry

i always carry two vaginas, one filled with shards of broken glass, incase of rapists.

—lexieho

if i ever had sex with laith, we would have to go back to that bathroom in the U district and take a picture while doing it. just to keep up the tradition.

—lexieho

my name is lena and i must confess, i have no tities on chest.

—adams_babymomma

Ugh. Sounds like my grandma; every time I saw her I had to hear about how special I was, and how much she loved me. Luckily she's dead now.

—chix0r

i figured your parents slathered you with vaseline and turned you loose in a backwoods catholic church.

—plurry

I can't look at [Stryker] without wanting to punch him and pull on his balls.

—ZT Spice

DO NOT FUCKING COMPARE MARILYN TO THOSE GIRLS [attending the Warped Tour]. I WILL FUCKING SLIT YOUR THROAT AND USE THE BLOOD FOR LUBE WHEN I RAPE ANOBODY. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD.

ps. puppies!

—lexieho

aspergers? more like butttacos amirite?

—mandeemoo22

"Yeah, I feel like it's possible these sleep disturbances might be caused by Stryker being a shitty co-host"

—andrewwagner777

i've always wanted a pet teenager!

—plurry

the media is also glossing over the fact that the moon landing was faked. you can't land a space ship on a giant ball of cheese. the hot rockets would melt the surface, and the ship would sink into the moon's liquid core of nacho cheez whiz.

—plurry

Somehow I picture [ABM's] labia as looking like Zoidberg's lips.

—ZT Spice

so i'm at the computer lab and there is always this boy in here and he's always reading/posting on some message board. i think it's for cars or something especially inferior to tlc and i always got so sad and jealous and lovey dovey for this place. but WHO'S THE LAME FORUM GEEK NOW? me! booyah

—stefanie

I feel bad when anospergers and bloated cancer argue, it's like watching retarded dogs fight. There's no fun in that. It's just sad.

—TortillaFactory

[Drake,] not even cancer can stand to be around you.

—mandeemoo22

"oooooh, I didn't wanna go to my senior prom because there were like high ceilings, and high ceilings are yucky! nuh uh, not for me. I'd rather sit at home with my 10 foot ceilings and jerk off to my math teacher's picture"

—anfernee

God hates Georgia--legalize gay marriage or no more rain. That's what he's saying. Have another pray in when you get a chance.

—bguirk

Im sorry, but the jocks at your school like it up the butt. I asked them.

—HocusPocus

Bill Clinton, now there is a guy I'd let ejaculate all over my face.

—mandeemoo22

birth control is one of the top 10 best inventions of all time right behind abortion.

—plurry

I think it's safe to assume at this point that all Drake ever picked up from Loveline was the drops.

—ItHadToBeJew

you gotta break it down for her.

lena, pretend i'm jiggy...

hey baby girl, dem birf controls ain't whack, yo. dey da bomb!
it prevent dat oh very yan cancers and blood clot ain't no thang.
jeeeah, lil nigga. shit don't make you fat eiver. it's ALL good.

—plurry

I licked my boyfriend's taint today.

—chix0r

If getting my taint licked is wrong, I don't want to be right.

—ZT Spice

actually, your mother inflates [my gf] for me. it takes her about a minute because she's excellent at blowing. then i fuck both of them.

afterwards, your mother cleans the come off the doll, herself and washes my cock and balls with her tongue.

hey, you asked for details.

—plurry

sorry, ano, its just that, im on my period

—anfernee

Well, speaking from personal experience, *I* barf every time *I* swallow a condom.

—catloaf

Sometimes the best abortion is a shotgun in the vagine, you'd kill two unwanted pregnancys' at once.

Double barrell Doctor.

—rAnCIDsICk@!!!

Loafy Dustlets or Dusty Loaflets? You are party of the mystery.

—ZT Spice

I WAS RAISED BY BAPTISTS AND I CAN ASSURE YOU, THESE ARE THE MOST HORRIBLE PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. I STRUGGLE TO CALL THEM PEOPLE. LET'S JUST REFER TO THEM AS LESSER MAMMALS.

—plurry

i'm going to take you to blowjob city.

—TortillaFactory

oh, I saw. But then I right-click-blocked and the bad man went away.

—doingdoingdoing

humans are fucking retarded

—catloaf

I can even forgive Mormons a little bit since America was still a place for backward ass effs back when it was developed, but Scientology? 20th century when we had flush toilets, instant oatmeal and should know better? There's no forgiveness for that.

—bguirk

Derek, the only way to find out if you're real or not is to disembowel yourself, take pictures and send them to Laith.

—greymatters

I'm glad I didn't date in highschool but some finger blasting would have been nice. Maybe some rough sodomy.

—MajandraFan

yeah dude just walk into any doctor's office and go "HEY I need to score" and he'll be like "whoa man, wake 'n bake! 420 forever!" and you're set for life.

—TortillaFactory

i talk about jenkem irl now. thanks tlc

—stefanie

Leroy Jenkems.

—mandee

Stop misquoting Drew, cancerboy.

—chix0r

On one hand I'm oddly proud of you. You conducted this as well as can be expected and seem pleased overall.

On the other I want to kick your dad in the nuts. He bears responsibility for his little girl scouring the internet for creepy, anonymous hotel trysts.

I guess I'll compromise and just be proud of your dad's nuts.

—Beat It!

WE WANT BLOODSHED. WE'D SETTLE FOR MENSTRUAL BLOODSHED. AS LONG AS IT'S NOT STRIKER'S WIFE'S BLOODSHED.
NO, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT STRYKER. IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, YOU SHOULD HAVE LURKED MOAR. I SUGGEST YOU LURK NOW LEST YOU MISS OUT ON OTHER INSIDE JOKES. MY DINNER IS READY. GUESS I'LL STOP TYPING.

—plurry

TO BE CONTINUED...