The
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I'm Laith. I do crazy 3D computer animation stuff. Click here if you would like to gaze lovingly, glare hatefully, peer inquisitively, or otherwise "look" at my picture.
(link's not working, I'll get a new picture up at some point, I swear)
Once more unto the next profile! In with the fourth, out with the third!
10 Most Recent Quotes (newest to oldest, oldest get bumped to the bottom of the regular list past 10th):
faking an orgasm is so much easier than faking liking golf
—catloaf
i don't get people who don't fuck on the first date.
—mandee
also, ATTN LENA--you need to hurry up and get laid cuz if something horrible should happen and you die a virgin you will have to have sex with a terrorist in the afterlife.
—catloaf
What's more pathetic? Daydreaming about dick on the freeway? Or getting lost on your way to work?
—acm
[re: Ray Liotta in Unlawful Entry]
back in the day, i prolly woulda let him unlawfully enter ME
—catloaf
This guy is lame. He asked me to hang out with him and his friend at in-and-out at 11pm. Only two things can happen: gain weight from eating after 9pm or get raped in the parking lot.
—L_to_the_A is back!
I watched The Tudors. That took forever. Henry VIII, what a dick.
—chix0r
in college my best friend would drive high all the time and we would be sitting at a stop light forever because she'd forget to go on green. lol green
—mandee
in the privacy of your own home, you can fill your bathtub with sierra mist and drink it out with a straw.
—mandee
Maybe sky diving is one of those things where the cheapest price shouln't be the number one factor.
—bguirk
Full list of quotes, oldest (12/8/10) to newest:
here is a tip: don't talk to people who are near or at minimum wage.
—plurryho
I don't think Scott should be most successful in real life, I mean, the man doesn't have hair.
—Emma
Jess is one of the few TLCers that I talked with significantly outside of TLC, and I had these fantasies about us running off to Belize together and fucking in the sand next to Mayan ruins, then ritually sacrificing ourselves after a tropical jenkem bender.
—ZTgeist
we're all just one big pool of pathology, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
—plurryho
oh i figured airking was talking about his girlfriend because he wants her to dress up like hobbes and get freaky. and no that's not weird airking, get one of those tiger striped cat ear headbands for her to wear too. next stop: furrytown!
—stellagold
Just because we would cuddle with [Adam] at night does NOT make us gay.
—airking32
[re: wind storms = po'ed jesus]
you tell that lil' bitch to bring that shit. i ain't scurred.
—plurryho
[re: lena posting undie pics]
I demand credit for insulting it out of her.
—airking32
fight or fuck is the new fight or flight.
—plurryho
Imagine what we could have known about the pilgrims/Indians if technology and social networks were around in that time.
Clown Dancing: "Just got raped by a white man and they killed my husband. FML".
—Natalia Carolla
also today I was at Victoria's Secret and the black girl who works kept glancing over at me thinking I was gonna steal. Whatever bitch you're black; if you call the cops they'll probably arrest your ass.
—Natalia Carolla
[re: celeb death pool]
it DOES count if you kill the celebrity yourself
—jizzgrenade
as a black man who never talks to strangers the odds of me getting serial killed are about 0. serial killer victims are usually people quite different from me also. you'd be hard pressed to get to me care about serial killing at all or even watch one episode of dexter. i dont even eat cereal.
—he sounds like a delight
Don't assume slapping someone with a spermy dick is a bad thing. It's been nearly a year for me, and right now I'd like nothing more than a hard slap in the face with a spermy dick.
—acm
[re: wish for christmas]
I wish all the skanks with tattoos in modesto die, but that will never happen.
—Natalia Carolla
When cat owners say their houses don't smell like cat pee, it's like Ted Haggard saying he's not gay.
—ZTgeist
cat pee is my jenkem
—stellagold
i want 2 bang most of y'all. i wanna get all up in them guts.
—mandee
I'm genuinely touched. Seriously, stop touching me.
—bguirk
[re: DADT repeal]
congrats to teh gays. now you can parade around the barracks in hot pants and don't have to keep looking over your shoulder. now just the rest of the army has to, to make sure they aren't about to get buggered.
—stellagold
[re: stella = azn?]
tis the season to be jorry. fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.
—stellagold
however, we all found common ground in hating mitt romney because he's mormon. we agreed that mormons are servants of his infernal majesty, and will spend eternity in an easy bake oven.
—plurry
i enjoy douching my pie hole. i would hate for someone to stick their nose in my ass, and it be an unpleasant experience.
—plurry
all you seattle fuckers can blow me. I'm up there at least twice a year and no one takes me up on drink offers. I'm just going to slam heroin the next time I'm up there and I'll keep it to myself.
—bguirk
just rubbed the part of envelope you licked on my junk, so it's just like u gave me hed.
—plurry
Precisely one of the bigger reasons I don't bother with that timesuck. Timesuck's not a word? Well f*** you Firefox.
—anfernee
Just once, I'd like my dork to put a chick in the hospital.
—airking32
lol have you seen how badly i abuse the info i get on facebook? of course i've already sent [lena] another friend request, how the hell else am i going to see all the retarded shit she posts? it's like twitter, you think i follow spencer pratt, lindsay lohan and kanye west to keep in touch, or because they're good people? fuck no! it's entertainment.
—jizzgrenade
i want to use ur dick as a microphone to sing a stevie wonder medley. IF U AREN'T TURNED ON BY THAT U R WRONG!!!
—mandee
[re: lena = "straw that stirs the drink"]
Lately, she has been stirring that drink with a large outboard engine.
—airking32
[re: lena's vag]
Some girls have fat pussies, but others have a leen vagine!
—acm
I assume he looked up the exif metadata. Tells you info about an image like when it was taken and with what. Some cameras even attach gps info to image files. (it'll take me about two more day of driving to get to your house, btw).
—stellagold
yay jizz-nee-land!!
—Natalia Carolla
Lena posts a (half) nude, and Kevin "slips on ice" and fucks up his right hand.
—airking32
seriously--can we stop all the cock talk for like three days. I'm 12% gayer than when I started yesterday. I'm three show tunes away from blowing a guy.
—bguirk
When I meet Spencer Pratt in heaven I'm gonna ask him about LC's beef curtains, and then show him my vag.
—Natalia Carolla
[re: flood of "attn: laith"]
in the old testament, moses foretold of a great flood. who knew it would be out of lena's vagina.
—plurry
i support kanye's rant against gw. fuck gw. and half fuck obama too.
—he sounds like a delight
In a world where everyone has nudes of one another, modesty has better currency. Just think of all the talk my son's pepe wil inspire--it will frighten the ladies, but that hot goth chick will be into facing her fears and they'll start a pirate radio station together or something.
—bguirk
I usually change with the lights on, curtains open while my neighbors are playing basketball.
—Natalia Carolla
a long long time ago, after lamenting over the complete lack of women in the carpentry field, jesus made a very similar decision.
a scant 2000 years later, there are a handful of bull-dyke lesbians building houses in the city of Nazareth. what i'm trying to say is, don't hold your breath.
—jizzgrenade
so anyway chix0r what do you think of lena's vadge and being usurped as female to post with the least clothes?
—stellagold
and where *tears off jeans* might this *lubes up left hand* photo be *tightens belt around neck* posted?
—jizzgrenade
Reminds me of a few years back when they confiscated and destroyed all of our cats for cheesing. Made me sad to lose whiskers to the ATF's incinerator.
—Masteel
no I think of TLCers as the best kind of friends, ones you can turn on or off with the click of a button.
—stellagold
[re: "real fucking people"]
Especially in this [forum]'s case, it has been the cause of so many real people fucking.
—airking32
[re: australian movie tickets = $18]
isn't melbourne being hit hard by the floods? Maybe that theater is under water and you can just swim past the ticket ripping guy.
—anfernee
[re: big-ass stores]
ho HO!! MANDEE SHOPPES AT ASS STORES?!?! HOLD UP
—jizzgrenade
i know this is going to offend some of you, but i strongly feel that if you really really enjoy seeing two men in spandex go at it on stage, whether they're boxing, wrestling, buttfucking, or just fighting, you're either gay, have a brain tumor, or are partially retarded.
—jizzgrenade
If you heard only the audio of MMA announcers calling a fight, you'd think you were listening to the gay sex olympics.
—airking32
someone broke into my car and installed an 8-track player
—catloaf
kevin is clearly tired of the gay-sex trade going on in the hub. knock that shit off homos.
—bguirk
I could probably do pushups with two of [stefanie] on my back. At least one and a half. Laith, make that happen.
---
yeah, but could [your hero] do 10 push ups with a full bodied stef PLUS a bifurcated (hurry up Laith) stef-clone strapped to his back? Who's your idol now?
—bguirk
Why are you writing jack poetry?
Are you not a man?
Never cry over spilled semen,
Rejoice in the memory,
Of those magnificent ten seconds,
Where millions of your hypothetical offspring,
Gently fell asleep forever,
On the tender, young bosoms,
Of your sister's best friend.
—acm
i've found spiders to be very poor swimmers. i still let them try tho. i've also found them to be very poor whatever-you-call-it-when-you-can-keep-a-flipflop-from-flattening-your-nasty-asses.
—catloaf
[re: baby gifts]
a baby blanket. bitches love baby blankets.
—Tay
[re: baby gifts]
gift certificate for a tubal
—Dusty
Just realize that any information you share can and will be used against you in the TLC court of teh internets.
—stellagold
oh tell me, oh muse, of that hood of Helen.
not the hood on her head,
but the hood where that light of the blazing orb in Hyperion's chariot can not reach
—bguirk
And of course by "cup of coffee" I mean "titty-fucking session".
—airking32
rape lite. only half the shame and one third the guilt.
—catloaf
[re: "just can't bang someone I've never met"]
You could if your dick was like 25 miles long.
—airking32
[re: which model cars thieves steal]
they could use any car if they put grape soda in the front seat.
—plurryho
so maybe i should quit waiting for my husband to die of lung cancer and just get a divorce? is that what you're trying to tell me?
—catloaf
[re: "dragon tattoo on my cock"]
What a coincidence! I put a cock tattoo on my pet dragon!
—Dusty TheHick
My dog has shit in the house twice in 13 years. I shit in the house every day.
—bguirk
DON'T LET HATERS KEEP YOU OFF YOUR GRIND
KEEP YOUR FINGER ON THE SHIFT KEY AND YOU'LL BE FINE
KEEP SHIFTING UNTIL YOU GET THERE
WHEN YOU'RE DONE AND YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP
PUT YOUR FINGER ON THE SHIFT KEY
PUT YOUR FINGER ON THE SHIFT KEY (JUST SHIFT IT)
PUT YOUR FINGER ON THE SHIFT KEY
PUT YOUR FINGER ON THE SHIFT KEY (SHIFT IT REAL GOOD)
—ZTgeist
It's like when a band writes a song, and you're totally convinced that you know exactly what it's about and it's all deep and meaningful and profound to you... Then you listen to the band doing an interview and it turns out the song was just about a frustrating experience dialing a rotary phone.
—ZTgeist
damn, you've really put some thought into this. a faggot to me is just any person who deserves a barbed dildo inserted into their rectum for obnoxious behavior.
—plurryho
aww, not even a small chance of underworld precipitation my future?
—stellagold
[re: readin']
maybe if books were interspersed with LOLcats and noods. until they are, i'm sticking to the internets.
—stellagold
HOW AM I GONNA SEE MEATSPIN IF ALL I GOT IS A BOOK!?1
—plurryho
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER SO WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE CONVO?
FUCKING BITCH!
I'LL TURN YOUR WORLD INTO A SNOW GLOBE!
—jjbot
as much as i dislike pureed corpse, i can't resist anything that comes on a cracker.
—pookie
I'm just an old softy. but enough about my penis.
—bguirk
[re: dating someone w/smoke alarm chirp]
The first time I go over to her place, I'm bringing a 9-volt battery.
—ZTgeist
[re: mormon grandma sends relig. lit as present]
It's kind of sweet, but also a little rude when she knows we don't believe. It'd be like if I sent her The God Delusion for her birthday. Nobody would be like 'that's sweet she was trying to save your brain', that's for sure.
—Tay
i unfriend people for believing in astrology.
—plurryho
[re: what are goats good for]
well, they keep your grass short.
goat cheese
you can fuck them when you're lonely
sacrifice them to satan when you're done.
also, i'm fairly certain mexicans eat goats hooves and stuff.
—stefanie
at my advanced age I need a little more depravity to be turned on. could you spit on yourself or something?
—bguirk
i want to buy a bus in vegas, plan out a bus route, and hire prostitutes to blow the customers. get where you're going, come before you arrive! "the suck-u-bus"
—plurryho
i thought that whole scene of leia chained up to jabba was really hot when i was a kid. am i a lesbian?
—stellagold
♪♫♪when'd yer dad rape ya?♫♪♫
—catloaf
shocking, leens is into a wigger prettyboy with aggressive body mods and shit music.
—stellagold
i want to install myself as dictator of the world, build a massive oven, and dump all the religious people inside.
i would use the homes of the flame broiled to shelter homeless animals.
—plurryho
when there's drama going on, I'm usually like, scroll-scroll-scroll, oh wait did i just see my name?
—catloaf
After most Masteel posts, I hear the Leykis laugh in my head.
—airking32
BE IT KNOWN, THE OFFICIAL LIST OF FAGGOTS IS ALWAYS IN PENCIL AND THE LISTEES OWN THE ERASERS.
—ZTgeist
I even saw [a whale] wearing an anobody shirt.
—airking32
[re: "in" to trash black eyed peas]
I've been heaping trash on them since they came out. They are the musical equivalent of the holocaust.
—bguirk
oh, you crazy kids and your electronic negro music. rock is dead. please bury me with it.
—plurry
What about that Jew week? Hanukkah is it?
—Sheena
[re: grammys]
when i was young, jethro tull beat metallica for best "hard rock" album. i never looked back.
—plurry
1 day imma fuk ur son bguirk
—mandee
[re: "cootcoot is definitively not on the table"]
What about on the floor?
Or in the shower?
—airking32
i like flo when she shuts her fucking mouth.
—mandee
[re: st. louis]
the city seems about 90% black. they should rename it St. Lucius.
—plurry
i always assume generalized faggotry disorder until proven otherwise.
—plurry
you have lived and likely always will live in a microcosm of excrement.
—plurry
if you really want the look and feel of rape for your first time, masteel is your best bet.
—plurry
[re: rescuing dogs]
Oh yeah? Well one time I "rescued" a half eaten Dodger Dog at the baseball game from the trash can....so there. Add a little mustard and relish, polish it off, good as new.
—anfernee
kevin posted that pic and now my pussy so wet its foggin up my glasses.
—mandee
WATCH
UR
COKE
CHINAMAN
WILL
PUT
PEEPEE
IN
IT
CUZ
U
NO
HE
PLAY
JOKE
—mandee
[to lena]
*bear with me
although someone would probably be willing to bare with you too.
—stellagold
Hell personally sounds like a good time to me. I could get over the weather there if it means I could get wasted and have anal.
—Sheena
delicious. i feel like i've opened pandora's pussy with this thread
—lexieho
my cervix gets moist when i read kim possible fanfic erotica
—lexieho
maybe your IUD will be arrested for DUI.
—plurry
i'm getting the slightly itgw vibe.
—plurryho
Mandee went to a psych ward before it was cool I don't see guys bringing her presents and sucking her dick
mandee is the original. Better than your faves
—stefanie
[re: ZT = part jew]
into the oven with you!
—plurryho
why doesn't my anti-virus software keep out viral internet "celebrities"?
—plurryho
how do you even know if she is really taking her birth control anyway?
this is trashy as fuck.
you are a true republican hero.
—stefanie
When awag reaches some level of success, this girl will come back and claim that she had his baby. Hopefully I'll be working for star magazine by that time, and contribute to this story.
—leens
IN SOVIET TPAM, SKIPPY DAMN YOU
—plurry
war vets go broke, crazy, and homeless.
a talentless 13 year-old achieves stardom and banks $27,000 a week for a shitty youtube video.
everything happens for a reason.
—plurry
Remember when Drew having a TV show was big news? Remember Strictly Sex?
Now it's as common as Taco Bell adding a new item to their menu.
—anfernee
fuck knut.
—anfernee
[re: jizzy's absence]
much like an erection, he comes and goes.
—plurryho
i made charter communications suck my cock, swallow, and ask for another round this evening.
as a result, i will be paying $20 a month for the next 3 months for 18MB down/2MB up and $34.99 for the 21 ensuing months, and get a $35 credit.
keep escalating until you get what you deserve. that's how it's done.
the trick is to slap the billing rep in the face with your pole, and refuse the hand job from his lying, sloppy testicle gobbling supervisor. oh yes, you can deep throat, bitch. don't tell me you can't.
the account specialist is the mouth you want your dick in. they're very skilled in the art of oral blow sex, and capable of inducing multiple pops.
—plurryho
new age books don't count as reading, sorry.
—stellagold
That is good, but continuing the trend of one-upping, I switched around the bags and boxes of all our cereal.
Chaos ensued. Death toll not yet confirmed.
—anfernee
I'd let Dr. Drew's cock host a delightful celebration in my pussy. Then I'd hire some Mexicans to clean up the mess the next morning.
—acm
everything dave grohl touches turns to mediocre. he was great in nirvana because kurt wouldn't let him write any songs.
—plurry
[re: self-scarification]
dear plurry
it's for artistic reasons
sincerely lexie "i am taking my meds" ho
—lexieho
FROM NOW ON ALL FIGHTING HAS TO BE DONE IN LARGE, PINK, COMIC SANS MS TO MAKE SURE WE'RE ALL AWARE OF OUR DELICATE, ENGORGED, STUPID EGOS. XOXOXOXO
—ZTgeist
so cute! i wanna put you in a bowl, pour milk over your head, and eat you with a spoon.
—pookie
i once choked a girl during sex. she liked it alot. i just wanted her to be less loud.
—000
i'd have a much better orgasm if i could simultaneously shoot heroin, smoke crack, asphyxiate and cut myself, and have my prostate massaged while skydiving without a parachute.
and this is in no way pathology. it's merely a preference, just the way i enjoy getting off.
—plurry
what's wrong with a little tongue from mom? you're not uptight, are ya?
—plurry
no one has changed what they were doing because someone here told them it was unhealthy. don't worry the cutters are still cuttin and the hos are still hoin.
—stellagold
there is a button on my stove to set the clock labeled "clock". the background is black and the lettering is white.
i just colored in the "L" with a black sharpie.
now, my stove has a "cock" button. awesome.
[...]
who could possibly resist pushing a button labeled "cock"?
—plurryho
someone post a fun quiz about how many dicks we've sucked or something.
—stellagold
GOOD. I CAN FEEL YOUR FAGGOTRY. WITH EACH PARODY THREAD YOU MAKE YOURSELF MORE MY HOMOCOCK. I AM DEFENSELESS. TAKE YOUR COCK, CUM ON MY FACE, AND YOUR JOURNEY TOWARD THE HUGLAGHALGHALGHAL SIDE WILL BE COMPLETE.
—ZTgeist
Nah, foob wouldn't eat a shit sandwich. He doesn't like bread. *rimjob*
—Dusty TheHick
JUST BECAUSE YOUR SARCASTIC RESPONSES ARE IN ALL LOWER CASE DOESN'T MAKE THEM BETTER.
—ZTgeist
top yourself? is that a gay reference?
—Kevin-U-in-Depression
[re: sex w/music in bg]
i prefer sex sounds. if it's too quiet sometimes i'll play an imitation of them by a competent foley artist.
—stellagold
mmm more headless bodies to fap to.
—stellagold
i like to open all my windows and look at how nice it is out there. then i think about ants, flies, bees, wasps, mosquitoes, and spiders and decide to stay inside.
—plurry
[re: been doing bukakke lately?]
No more than usual-- oh...You were asking Alison.
—Dusty TheHick
I am typing via windows seven speech recognition. That's why my grammar is improved. It's not exactly flawless in fact I'm going to try to screw something up. This is a fun toy to play with. I'm talking with my mouth full full of food I should say this night in a San Bruno to was a ripoff and the deficit. A few times not speaking very rapidly.
Holy ship it obeyed me what I said
:
Hope all right now this is turning into comedy listen to my attempts at cursing or read it rather shoot Faulk Dick Morris may well again Dick bright diver more burrito
—000
so did most of the guys stop posting here cuz they now have no chance of scoring with lena the virgin?
—pookie
the person we'd really like to filter is 000, but we can't, so we're gang raping pookie. nice.
—plurry
ive been sex0ring virgins to counteract my hiv. so far it's working quite well.
—stellagold
Thank god someone FINALLY started another thread about smart phones. I've been dying to read more long-winded posts about this topic.
—airking32
[re: nose job]
Penis job first. I need to take a few inches off, it's so big I can't ride a bicycle comfortably.
—Masteel
God how stupid. If I died tomorrow I'd have a post of me vigorously defending an inanimate object as though I were jerking off the king of France. Retarted.
—Masteel
F all the first ladies and they b-shit. Laura Bush can shove her library books up her tight brown star.
—stellagold
Those newborns are so grouchy. I guess I would be grouchy too if I just came out of a vagina.
—Lena1985
[re: you're glowing]
omg do u think i'm pregnant?
[...]
brb peeing on a stick
—mandee
It's crazy knowing that there's a white person out there that I'm related to. If I ever run into [her] and tell her that we're blood, she'll be like "no we're not, bitch you're a spic".
—Lena1985
negroids? is that, like, black robots?
—catloaf
[re: freezing piss]
I'm never taking a drink with ice in it at your house. ever.
—bguirk
If you weren't so boring and unfunny, I wouldn't have to be such an asshole.
—airking32
[re: ss # for bank acct.]
they give bank accounts to Nazis these days?
—bguirk
i also confused masteel with margin walker and i got so excited about this post because it would make my future relationship with mw even more perfect but then i realized it was masteel the piss cube maker.
—stefanie
where i crew up, queens mostly, speaking english is like speaking latin anywhere else: only nerds and the aristocracy are fluent in it.
—he sounds like a delight
Pix pl......um yeah on second thought no. do not record this like ever.
—anfernee
[bguirk from 2007]
despite my hate of the geek squad, I love the uniform. Love the car. I might have them come out, kill a couple of them for the clothes and car, and then start a cross-country crime spree while wearing the uniform/driving said car killing two birds with one stone by destroying the brand while also having a great time. I promise not to do any raping. Then I can switch back to my normal identity and no one will be the wiser. You heard it here first.
—bguirk
Here's what I did:
*Flirted off and on with a cute guy who was totally my type. I told him sorry I was drunk, I asked him questions about his life, and somehow worked it into the conversation that I swallowed.
-acm
Good news: off of drugs
Bad news: only like life on drugs...
—Masteel
I learned from one of my ex GFs that my best friend (who she at one time dated) called his dick "Fred" and she called giving him a BJ "kissing Fred."
/shudder. That is something I never needed to know, yet it is now burned into my mind. If I ever get alzheimer's I will probably still remember that.
—Masteel
I love that the acm and OneNut go on a date saga is taking place in a thread called BAD DATES.
—airking32
re: Christina Hendricks, I would give up a pinky (toe or finger) to see those ridiculous cans of hers.
I would give up an entire LIMB for a titty-fucking session.
—airking32
[re: what should OneNutAaron wear on date]
A nice windbreaker (lol oxymorons) a houndstooth pork-pie hat, 3-D glasses, a tye dyed half shirt, parachute pants, socks with individual toes, some steel toed boots, and an ivory cane.
You're welcome.
—anfernee
[re: infections from certain cantaloupe shipment]
i KNEW not to trust the fruits in Colorado!
WHOA! HUGE SLAM ON ZT OUTTA NOWHERE!
—catloaf
safe word = "harder"
—Dusty TheHick
[re: names w/similar beginning letters]
little known fact: the only reason masteel was able to seduce lexie was because she thought he was me.
face it masteel, you've been cruising on my solid posts for years!
—Margin Walker
what i hear in my head:
"of course all the [golf] clubs are in the trunk. ALL THE ONES I DIDN'T KILL HER WITH, AMIRITE?!"
—catloaf
Ha! I really like the term cafeteria catholic. I'm going to coin the term buffet buddhist to describe some people I know.
—chekhonte
I remember people by their faces especially and I like to have a base shot. If I just have collection of pictures from artsy/odd angles, I have no mental picture of that person, and therefore, I basically have no idea who they are. For example, I operate under the assumption that leena's face is a vagina.
—foob2011
[re: "go fuck some whores asshole"]
It seems like they could just as easily make their point without specifying that the sex has to be anal.
—airking32
[re: brad pitt calling you fat = s. hawking calling you dumb]
stephen hawking told me that once. i hobbled that sumbitch. why you think he's in that chair?
—catloaf
[re: wasted art talent]
I figured you meant because he's painting landscapes instead of noods.
—stellagold
when we were little, my sister and i would ride a stationary bike really fast and use it to file down barbie's boobs.
—mandee
What I do is I just block EVERYbody from my twitter, by not having one.
—airking32
[chix0r's] programmer has done an incredible job making her seem human ;)
—catloaf
i didn't have a sister or brother. unless you count the ai in super nintendo games.
—he sounds like a delight
blax got the right to vote before women, therefore i resent them all!
—stellagold
Balding with tons of back hair. Bad times. He should shave that shit off and glue it to his head.
—stellagold
i kinda like really hairy legs on a guy, but i can live without it pretty much everywhere else. yes, i'm into the centaur look.
—catloaf
I once stopped to stare at the school/art supplies at the Grocery store, and to get really sentimental I ate some paste, but it was some kind of solvent based industrial adhesive, so I just puked over by the greeting cards.
I'm not allowed to shop there anymore.
—von zipper
a little [chest hair] is ok but i definitely don't want it so thick that when i rest my head on his chest it sinks in like some kinda memory foam mattress
—catloaf
I get around that problem by soaking my tampons in vodka. kills the bacteria and hey, MY PERIODS ROCK!
—catloaf
I was going to ask you how you were sure they were cock rings, but then I thought to myself...if anyone can recognize cock rings, it's Masteel.
—acm
I can smear anal mucus and poop on my dick too.
In fact, I'm going to go do that right now.
—ZT-In-You
my husband was hooked on coke, but then he switched to mountain dew :D
—pookie
I am officially tired of looking for a good man. I just want the right man to drop from the sky, befriend me, and permanently settle into my life/pussy.
—acm
that morning after dispenser is the greatest thing ever, not only because it prevents unwanted preggers, but it must completely piss off the right to no end. man, i want one of those in every fucking building in america, especially churches... catholic churches in particular.
—plurry
[re: bettering yourself, being happy]
Actually, you should shift your focus to battering yourself. That would make me happy.
—Mayonnaise
idk why someone needs to justify eating chicken wings, unless it was like during a funeral or something.
—mandee
Last week, niggers. This week, abortion.
—Coconut ZT
[chicken wings] just seem like so much work with so little payoff. you know, like dating.
—catloaf
I managed to wipe out the entire human race. The trickiest thing is making sure Madagascar is infected. Once I infected that country with my disease, I knew the whole planet was fucked.
—acm
IF GOD DIDN'T INTEND FOR US TO FUCK BIRDS, WOMEN WOULDN'T WEAR FEATHERED BOAS TO LOOK SEXY
—Coconut ZT
[re: medulla oblongata]
duuuude. that's my favorite Police album EVAR.
—catloaf
Rick Santorum can suck my dick.
—acm
what happened to chatroam, dog? chatroam nvr 4get ;___;
—mandee
when it's a healthy relationship, it builds slowly from "he's a nice guy" to "he makes my loins burn with desire." the bad guys make your loins burn from the std they gave you.
—pookie
you're not better off for not knowing about kony. it's good to educate yourself about that shit because it's pretty fucked up. but i mean, i care about others. i think that's a direct quote from mark twain or sumthin.
—mandee
The ultimate purpose of the Internet should be to take Japanese Wasabi Muhammad Nigger Jesus Rimjobs and put them in front of your grandmother until she laughs, cries, punches a wall or kills herself.
—Coconut ZT
The only guy I've ever given a rimjob to was the one that was the biggest asshole. So, there's that.
—jezebel
I've never been to fucking Austria.
—acm
I butterfly kissed a girl's butthole. I'd imagine cavewomen used to do this before mascara was commercially available.
—Coconut ZT
IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS IT A PUNISHMENT TO BE BANISHED FROM DONALD TRUMPS SIGHT?
OHH, OURS?
WHAT A CRAZY FUCKED UP UNIVERSE WE LIVE IN.
—Coconut ZT
last week he fired george takei. donald trump is probably the worst human being. like worse than kony.
—mandee
If you need to be under the influence of something get naked in public, masturbate and vandalize cars, you need to loosen up.
—Coconut ZT
i try to [impregnate myself] with used condoms on the street. i just luv babeeeez.
zt is gonna be a dadddddyyyyy!!!!! imma call u papa cumstain!!!!
you should be really mean to this kid because it will probably think it's so fucking cute and then it will be really bratty and be like i hate my father and then you can be like i got news for you your father hates you too.
omg i hope it's a boy so i can fuck it one day. jk i'll scissor a lil princess too.
what is happening to me
—mandee
I don't know where you guys were for the BJ vid. I have it saved on my computer. That's not creepy at all.
—chix0r
ha! that's like my mom, when i left home to move to kentucky. she was like, "well...don't go out there and get pregnant." I GUESS I SHOWED HER, HUH?
—catloaf
My former Persian dentist (who ended up getting sued for sexual harassment) told me that I could never be a businesswomen with my tooth being the way it is. He's Persian, so his opinion doesn't matter.
—L_to_the_A is back!
Gotta pee really bad too. Could you get the ice cube trays ready plz?
—Masteel
I let little strips of cold cut turkey dangle from my mouth and let my kitten take it so it feels like she's giving me furry kisses. If that's wrong I don't want to be right.
—stellagold
I'd be happy just cumming one bucket. I'm not greedy.
—acm
ham radio, morse code. i'm sure it's all been used for booty calls.
—stellagold
When I'm butthurt, I post in all caps. Or I leave for some period of time, and then come back and post in all caps. It seems to work well/poorly.
—Coconut ZT
Speaking of race, anyone remember Obama's former pastor? The one who was always saying racially fucked up things?
Did that fucker ever look in the mirror? I mean...did he ever LITERALLY look in the mirror? That fool is AT LEAST 1/4 white.
Embrace your inner honkie, Jeremiah...we all know he's there.
—acm
Unless [ONA]'s decided to man up and fuck acm I don't wanna hear from him.
—stellagold
trans people have legit hard lives. otherkins are like why doesn't anyone get that i'm a pokemon.
—mandee
[re: AC fan boards]
If Ace pissed on the street those fools would elbow past one another to lap up the puddle.
—bguirk
FYI: YOU NEED JAVASCRIPT ENABLED TO SUCK MY COCK.
—Coconut ZT
I'm so depressed right now that I can't even masturbate my way out of it. And I've tried.
—jezebel
Lots of Hispanic, Indian and Muslim people, though. Muslim isn't an ethnicity, but I don't bother trying to figure out what ethnicity they are under the scarves.
—chix0r
It's not that bad; I'm sure he'll get along just fine without the finger. Plus he's old, so he doesn't have that many years left to live without it, anyway.
—chix0r
I don't know what a girl wouldn't like about me constantly proposing to her. Maybe it's cause after I do, I grab their crotch and say lovingly, "I've gotta lock this down!"
—Masteel
One of the "people" is only about 3 years old. It's laughing and having some sort of good time out there. Kids are so obnoxious.
—chix0r
Drew's just accepting reality tv on reality tv's terms.
—stellagold
you just jelly. strawberry jelly. that's the most intense kind of jelly
—foob2011
Yeah, i dunno why we don't have pizza buffets up here in the PNW. I think it's just not economically viable to have them for the owners. Which would make sense why you guys in the south can turn a profit with it, you know with you guys havin' slavery and all that, you don't have to worry bout payin' your peeps -- oh wait, no, that's gone right? Then I don't know why you can afford the buffets. ::shrugs::
—Masteel
interesting that we can watch loveline on ustream free, but adam wants us to pay to see his. i'd almost pay NOT to see adam.
—000
Forget Tupac's hologram. I want a hologram of mike [catherwood]'s face in between my thighs.
—L_to_the_A is back!
i guess it rly was time to get ill.
—stellagold
I wish there was a site to review ex-girlfriends, because I would love to leave a comment one of their pages said "I had more fun when I fucked a Roomba."
—Coconut ZT
The show didn't need a female perspective for its entire existence. It doesn't need one now. Like Adam always said, the show doesn't need a woman because it has Drew.
—Mayonnaise
I stepped on that bitch last night and she told me I was five pounds thinner than last time. I just nodded and stepped off.
—acm
At this point, I think it's actually more newsworthy when a Kennedy doesn't die
—Mayonnaise
hey let's ask what a serially cheating politician thinks of the definition of sex
—he sounds like a delight
i'm kind of over [boston]. i want to move to california. adam i'm coming!
—he sounds like a delight
my suggestion is that they fire drew and mike and team-up [simone] with stryker, effectively creating the worst talk show in the history of broadcasting. christ, if you're gonna suck, might as well suck harder than anyone has ever sucked before.
—plurry
Jesus wants you to [feel guilty about being a slut] because he didn't get any babylonian pussy while he was here on earth. Fuck him! He died a virgin. I wonder if he rubbed one out before the Jews crucified him. I wish I had Mel Gibson's talent and make my own version of "Passion of the Christ"
—L_to_the_A is back!
[re: okcupid profiles]
these people seem like such winners! i can't believe they're still searching for love!
—catloaf
spermin' on the mount
—stellagold
