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anobody |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 8:29 AM I'd say it's at the very least possible. There's no question that the best sex is better than the best masturbation. The problem (for a guy; at least one who is not terribly passionate, such as myself, and I believe Adam as well) is that you can work out how you like to beat off, and (assuming nobody is around) you can do it whenever the mood strikes. I'm going to P. F. Chang's for lunch today. I've been there I don't know how many hundreds of times. Every single time I go (well, maybe only ~98% of the time), I order Chang's Spicy Chicken and Orange Peal Shrimp. I could go there once a week and eat the exact same dish for the rest of my life without feeling like I'm missing anything on the menu (again, there's that 2% of the time when I want the steamed salmon, but that's so rare, you can completely ignore it). The same is true of just about any place I eat. The same is true of sex. There's a whole menu full of options, but I'm boring. I could just about script everything, do that by the numbers a couple times a week when the mood strikes me for the rest of my life, and be very satisfied. Women, at least in my limited experience, don't really care for that. They like variety. They also want you to jump through a huge set of hoops just to get there - and sometimes they're just not interested no matter what you do. Unless you're a sociopathic a-hole, who is having sex with an ultra-submissive abuse victim who just freezes and lets you do what you will to her (and you're sick enough that you can actually enjoy that), sex can be a pain. Then there's the weird stuff you want to do that most women won't tolerate. Bizarrely I'm not talking about things like anal (which I've never tried and never had any interest in). In my case, I just mean staring at and fondling boobs for 2-3 hours at a time (and, no, that's not hyperbole). You can beat off just about any time you want. You can work out the beats and do exactly the same thing every time, if you want. You can skip all of the boilerplate you're not interested in. You don't have to worry about taking 3 hours or 3 seconds. That's not to say that sex isn't good or that things would be better just beating off. It's just that average - and even above-average sex doesn't stand up well at all. I'm sure there's some exaggeration for comic effect when Adam says that, but I'd bet there's a fair bit of truth behind it as well. TMI? —anobody |
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000 |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 8:40 AM his sexual specialty is recieving oral —000 |
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weather and traffic |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 9:22 AM Is it just me or does anyone else not really like oral that much? I'm like Dr. Drew-- I see it as filler till you get to the real thing (sex). Just seems boring and time consuming and I never finish w/ it. Just get straight to the nitty gritty! For me it's alright as foreplay or w/e but that's it. —weather and traffic |
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lexieho |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 9:38 AM ^ isn't that a sign to get a new bitch? —lexieho |
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anobody |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 9:48 AM Nah - it's just that some guys (myself, included) aren't as into it as others. The only way to really screw it up is if there's some weird energy and she has way too much drive to do it (which feels like a weird thing to say, but it's definitely true). Beyond that, it seems pretty much the same. I just realized who I'm talking to. That's not at all creepy. —anobody |
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pookie |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 10:17 AM
Edited Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 10:18 AM "Women, at least in my limited experience, don't really care for that. They like variety." - anobody I have no hoops installed anywhere in my house and I always order the same things at restaurants with the exception of occasionally ordering different appetizers. I remember Adam once saying that sex has never felt as good as he thought it should. Maybe his women have always had large vaginas. That can be a problem for a man of conservative stature such as Adam. Plus, being supremely lazy as Adam says he is, sex seems to him like a great deal of effort to achieve the desired result. Also being admittedly selfish, he would rather not have to do the extras to satisfy his partner. Hence, we arrive at the conclusion that Adam prefers to go it solo. —pookie |
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John Lennon |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 10:58 AM W&T, are you talking about giving or receiving oral? ORAL IS THE BEST! —John Lennon |
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TortillaFactory |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:14 AM The only way to really screw it up is if there's some weird energy and she has way too much drive to do it (which feels like a weird thing to say, but it's definitely true). I always knew I hated you. —TortillaFactory |
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lexieho |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:25 AM ORAL IS THE BEST!
—John Lennon
that is all.
—lexieho |
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ZT-In-Thought |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 12:06 PM Y'all are missing the point of what the Wheeze meant with he said "Sex is good, but it's not the real thing." That is in no way saying that sex is bad or unnecessary -- just that if I spent the next 60 years constantly having sex, it would amount to half of the number of times that I've beat off. Moreover, given that the former situation is unlikely, you have to acknowledge the awesome power of masturbation. Enlightened Masturbators (EMs) like Adam, The Wheeze, and myself understand that. The rest of you will have to do more masturbation practice before you understand it's true cosmic nature. —ZT-In-Thought |
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anobody |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 1:22 PM I have no hoops installed anywhere in my house and I always order the same things at restaurants with the exception of occasionally ordering different appetizers. I always knew I liked you :-) I always knew I hated you. Ah whatever. —anobody |
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catloaf |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 2:06 PM ORAL IS THE BEST! Meh, not really. Don't care for it much myself....and you all know what THAT means. MULTI-ORGASMIC! (I think we all just learned a little about catloaf.) —catloaf |
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chix0r |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 2:18 PM Somehow I thought we already knew that. I'm not that into receiving oral, but I'm not multi-orgasmic, either. It's a lose-lose situation. —chix0r |
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Mayonnaise |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 2:26 PM It's been so long since I've actually had sex that I'd have to consider masturbation the real thing. As for blowjobs, I could have only blowjobs the rest of my life and never long for anything else. No Striker, that was not an invitation. —Mayonnaise |
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Ed Thunderbear |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 2:45 PM EM. Sounds so much nicer than the usual labels I get, or give myself: Jackoff, Stroker, Wanker, Pud Whacker. And I don't care what I'm called, or what it's called, beating off rules. I don't have to do any dancing, listen to any crap, pay for an overpriced meal, pretend that I give a shit about some chick's cats, see some horrible chick flick - none of it. Just figure out when I want to get off, and go to it. Amuse myself with some hellacious gas during the jack, if I'm lucky. And I can have anyone, a different girl every time, all are present on the whack carousel called the spank bank. Oh, and ano - hit the Pei Wei, cheaper but same ownership as PF Changs. Pretty much the same menu, it's just no frills, and none of the attitude. —Ed Thunderbear |
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anobody |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:02 PM Thanks for the suggestion Chief, but I've been there a fair number of times and I actually don't like Pei Wei all that much. Not sure what it is, but their food (even the dishes that seem like they should be just about identical) doesn't taste as good to me as Chang's. Also, it is cheaper, *but* it's not so much cheaper that I don't feel like I'm getting screwed by losing out on the server and the theater of a restaurant (which I actually happen to enjoy) —anobody |
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ZT-In-Thought |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:17 PM And I don't care what I'm called, or what it's called, beating off rules. I don't have to do any dancing, listen to any crap, pay for an overpriced meal, pretend that I give a shit about some chick's cats, see some horrible chick flick - none of it. Just figure out when I want to get off, and go to it. Amuse myself with some hellacious gas during the jack, if I'm lucky. And I can have anyone, a different girl every time, all are present on the whack carousel called the spank bank. —Ed Thunderbear It does sound like you have achieved Masturbation Enlightenment. Thanks for the suggestion Chief, but I've been there a fair number of times and I actually don't like Pei Wei all that much. —anobody You have not.
—ZT-In-Thought |
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Ed Thunderbear |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:19 PM Interesting, just a matter of taste - I find the food better at Pei Wei - and I almost never have the time or patience to sit down and do the theater thing (as you refer to it) at a restaurant. I only get to do Pei Wei when I'm away from home. My city only has PF Changs, no Pei Wei yet, and none planned. Maybe it's because I only get to a PW when I travel, makes me like it more. I'm also thinking, maybe I have little patience for sitting down and doing the whole slow thing in a restaurant because I've got beating off to do. It's definitely a daily ritual. Sometimes twice. And the occasional hat trick. —Ed Thunderbear |
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Rufus T. Firefly |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:30 PM And I don't care what I'm called, or what it's called, beating off rules. I don't have to do any dancing, listen to any crap, pay for an overpriced meal, pretend that I give a shit about some chick's cats, see some horrible chick flick - none of it. Just figure out when I want to get off, and go to it. Amuse myself with some hellacious gas during the jack, if I'm lucky. And I can have anyone, a different girl every time, all are present on the whack carousel called the spank bank. The question doesn't concern what you have to go through to get the sex, it's about the physical act itself. Sex vs. masturbation. —Rufus T. Firefly |
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Rufus T. Firefly |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:31 PM I've also now learned about 17 times more than I ever, ever, ever wanted to know about anobody's sex life. —Rufus T. Firefly |
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Ed Thunderbear |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:33 PM Masturbation Enlightenment. Om. Thank you, ZT. Back atcha, takes one to recognize one. In addition to farting, I also should have mentioned napping. A jack and a nap, as Adam says. On weekends, I enjoy one of each, sometimes a couple of times a day. Weekdays, no nap, just a quick spank - Adam once called it a 'Smart Jackie'. And in keeping with the practical guidelines of feng shui, I try to stroke it facing North, so as to capture the energy of the chi wind from the South. —Ed Thunderbear |
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John Lennon |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:34 PM
Edited Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:35 PM When I beat off it's like Mortal Kombat, in the final moments I look down at my hand and say, "FINISH HIM", and then afterwards I sigh and say, "FLAWLESS VICTORY!" —John Lennon |
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Ed Thunderbear |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 3:42 PM Rufus - I understand your point, but for me, the 'run up' to get to the sex often isn't worth the effort, and takes away from the actual sex. Ditto for what follows sometimes. That's why I mentioned all that stuff. If it was the deal Bonerdouce mentions he has with his wife, which is he gets to drill her anytime he demands, including on his way out the front door, hittin' it and quittin' it, then I'd be down with that. That's what I have with beating off. But no dude I know has that with a woman. The Boner only got it because he cheated on her, and it was part of the make-up settlement, if we are to believe his story. And I'm not saying there can't be great sex with a woman. I've had some of it. I've also had some that I would have rather traded for beating off. And for me, convenience rules the day. —Ed Thunderbear |
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miyagi-sama |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 4:13 PM Wow I had no idea so many guys were like that. I always thought Ace was kidding but apparently not. The only time I would choose beating off over sex is if I had 100% confirmation that the chick slams IV drugs. Oral is great but doesn't do the job. I guess I'm like Dr Drew, I gotta get in I'm curious for you guys that prefer beating off, when you're having sex are you into, or are you just trying to bust a nut? —miyagi-sama |
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Ed Thunderbear |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 4:21 PM If I'm into it, and I've had that, for sure - I'm not just nutting. No, it's majestic, it's a symphony, it's something I'll remember forever. And that's useful for later masturbating, but oddly so is the not-so-great sex. But the great sex is wild, amazing, unbelievable, almost surreal. As an EM, I can tell when Adam talks about whacking it, porn, etc. that he's NOT kidding. He knows way too much not to have learned it through practice. It has that ring of self-discovered truth. Conversely, I know some guys who just aren't that into beating off, and consequently they don't really know much about it, and will go to a lot of trouble just to get with a woman. —Ed Thunderbear |
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anobody |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 5:01 PM You have not. You caught me, ZT! I was totally lying about having gone to Pei Wei for the bragging rights. If it was the deal Bonerdouce mentions he has with his wife, which is he gets to drill her anytime he demands, including on his way out the front door, hittin' it and quittin' it, then I'd be down with that. This is another place where we differ. Well... if you had that and she'd be into it, then I'd be with you. The problem is that, in reality, she'd be 'letting you' have sex with her - just kinda laying there, rolling her eyes, checking her nails, yawning, planning her day, whatever - and that really sucks. At least with masturbation, you can imagine she's into it. If you're gonna go Danny's way, you might as well just go all the way and get a Real Doll. I have no hoops installed anywhere in my house I've been thinking about that. It's been bugging me, actually. I can't help but wonder if I might not have been clear about what I meant by hoops. There must be certain things that you want - positions, amount and type of foreplay, frequency, duration, romantic candlelit dinners, something? Maybe you and your husband just have almost exactly the same rhythm and it's never been an issue? —anobody |
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pookie |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 5:20 PM So I guess it just cums down to different strokes for different folks, huh? —pookie |
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ZT-In-Thought |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 5:39 PM So I guess it just cums down to different strokes for different folks, huh? —pookie Rejection is protection. So, if you're penis getting rejected by someone, then masturbation is better.... and even.... wholesome. Now, since (passionate) men always want to have sex and most of the time we can't, then masturbation is better. Masturbation keeps your dick wholesome. You caught me, ZT! I was totally lying about having gone to Pei Wei for the bragging rights. —anobody Spoken like someone who doesn't not understand the Dharma of Beating Off. —ZT-In-Thought |
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bguirk |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 5:49 PM I'm not that into receiving oral, but I'm not multi-orgasmic, either. It's a lose-lose situation. The paint might not be dry yet. —bguirk |
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anobody |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 5:58 PM ... and the egg might be somewhat scrambled. —anobody |
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chix0r |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 6:09 PM I guess, but it's not like I came online late or anything. I've been masturbating since I was 11. —chix0r |
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anobody |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 6:23 PM That's at least 5-6 years younger than I was when I started. —anobody |
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Mayonnaise |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 6:45 PM I think I started at about late 11 or early 12. I've never looked back. —Mayonnaise |
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lexieho |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 6:52 PM i'm planning on starting next year. i'm nervous. —lexieho |
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acm323 |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 8:45 PM These days it takes me about 20 minutes to please myself. So, the chances of a man pleasing me? Not good. In the dozens of times we had sex, my exboyfriend only gave me 3 or 4 orgasms. I don't blame him. I blame my ridiculous vagina. :-( So do I prefter masturbation over sex? Yes and no. —acm323 |
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John Lennon |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 9:03 PM ^ That is one of the few things you've ever said that I find interesting. Do tell. —John Lennon |
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catloaf |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 9:38 PM it's not like I came online late or anything I got a reeeally late start. Didn't have my first orgasm until I got married, at 32, so I don't know if it was some psychological crap or what. Didn't start masturbating in earnest until I was 33. I've completely made up for lost time.... Thank you, Stephen Colbert. —catloaf |
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acm323 |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:14 PM ^ Wow! And I thought I was a late bloomer. I didn't start "earnestly" masturbating until I was about 21. I finally decided to start after being in my human sexuality class and hearing the teachers talk about it and then watching the sex ed videos. Ha ha ha! It was awesome. I was able to come in five minutes back then. Now it's twenty. Those were the days! —acm323 |
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smaller hands |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:31 PM I like oral way better than sex just because penetration hurts and the boy comes way too fast anyway.
FYI Guys: Plz follow the adam style of recieving. It's really fucking annoying when you're all grope-y. Seriously, just Relax.
Also, If you pretend to snore after you come it will make me giggle. Every single time. —smaller hands |
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John Lennon |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:41 PM
Edited Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:48 PM ^ You would love giving it to David Alan Grier, yes/yes? Who knew that sex ed was actually good for anything? I never learned anything worthwhile in that class, we just filled out worksheets about STDs and statistics on them (percentage of people who get them, etc.) It was pretty much worthless. No teaching how to put a condom on, or anything that you could actually apply to having sex, oh no, heaven forbid we'd actually learn something practical, then we might start going out and fucking like rabbits! Unfortunately every package of condoms doesn't include a girl to use each packet on, Lord knows I wish I lived in the kind of fantasyland that that type of logic comes from (condom knowledge = immediate fucking). Jesus Christ, would all these retards that are so gung-ho about abstinence go ask their parents why THEY weren't abstinent! Oh my God now I'm not going to be able to go to sleep, I am fired up everybody. All you pussy abstinence people, go SOAK YOUR HEADS! —John Lennon |
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rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:49 PM
Edited Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:58 PM Damn I wish I put more input into this earlier. Rubbing one off is mandatory but I'd love getting a bj if I had a choice.
Sometimes a really great bj or hand job is better then sex.
It's essentially a cock massage and when you bust in girls jaw and she's a trooper
and keeps going, loads better than pumping and sweating over her. It goes beyond being lazy, it's her satisfying me.
Kinda praying at my private alter and me blessing her forehead. —rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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catloaf |
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Monday, March 19, 2007 at 12:12 AM Kinda praying at my private alter and me blessing her forehead. Makes ya all tingly, amirite ladies?
—catloaf |
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TortillaFactory |
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Monday, March 19, 2007 at 1:05 AM Didn't have my first orgasm until I got married, at 32 I would have killed myself 800 times by then. That's not some kind of orgasmic euphemism, I literally would have committed suicide. —TortillaFactory |
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mandeemoo22 |
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Monday, March 19, 2007 at 1:41 AM i remember the first time i saw a weiner up close. it was terrifying. it was like oh my god that's a penis. —mandeemoo22 |
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rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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Monday, March 19, 2007 at 2:40 AM
Edited Monday, March 19, 2007 at 2:40 AM I lulz at that ^ First time I saw a virgine I thought "wow that's really hairy"
and when I put me finger in her i thought"Damn it's warm and gummy in here."
When I put my dick in I "Ahhhhh unnn *nutted*" —rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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Dark Laith |
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Monday, March 19, 2007 at 11:13 AM You can beat off just about any time you want. You can work out the beats —anobody So to speak... —Dark Laith |
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Dusty TheHick |
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Monday, March 19, 2007 at 9:07 PM rAnCIDsICk@!!!: I would like to sincerely thank you for omitting the part about the pube/fingernail this time. —Dusty TheHick |
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rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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Tuesday, March 20, 2007 at 12:23 AM
Edited Tuesday, March 20, 2007 at 12:25 AM I swear it was there for over a month.
Weeks later I'd catch myself in class sniffing my finger.
Searching for phantom aroma. —rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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smaller hands |
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Thursday, March 22, 2007 at 9:58 AM I know you've probably told this story a lot but please tell the pube fingernail story again. —smaller hands |
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Dusty TheHick |
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Thursday, March 22, 2007 at 8:53 PM Thaks a lot, Stef. Next, I suppose someone will start talking about smegma again. *barfs* —Dusty TheHick |
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rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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Thursday, March 22, 2007 at 11:50 PM
Edited Thursday, March 22, 2007 at 11:51 PM Well it's not really a story but
when I was 12 I lost my virginity to this telephone girlfriend.
We were "Dating" on the phone for over a year and we would see each other
every now and then and this time in particular we were over at my brothers
crib and were drinking wine all night, I was making the moves to lose my
virginity which I did, but of course when courting a virgin you spend ALOTTA TIME
finger banging, and in doing so one of her pubes manage to lodge itself and break
away underneath my finger nail where it caused great discomfort and swelling also excreting yellow puss due to a foreign body being in such a sensitive area. Her pube was stuck in my nail for about a month because I had to wait for the nail to push it out. —rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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acm323 |
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Thursday, March 22, 2007 at 11:57 PM That sounds fake. And disgusting. —acm323 |
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anobody |
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Saturday, March 24, 2007 at 8:02 AM Now I kinda wish I just knew about that as the 'pube fingernail story'. The details make it sound almost... mundane. —anobody |
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anobody |
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Saturday, March 24, 2007 at 9:30 PM Then try harder! Remember - you're a Melone! —anobody |
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rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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Saturday, March 24, 2007 at 11:13 PM In no way shape or form is that pube tale fake, I do
adhere to the laws of bogusity.
It's just one of the stories that will run synonmous
with losing my virginity.
I can also add the part that I blew my man puddy in less than 3 min.
I remember thinkin that sex was kinda supposed to be like a porno
for your first time, at least a 1 hour or so. —rAnCIDsICk@!!! |
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Dusty TheHick |
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Sunday, March 25, 2007 at 8:05 PM ^ I'd like to meet your sister. er-- I just realized what thread this is. It's unrelated to the topic...sorta. oops. —Dusty TheHick |
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jezebel |
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Sunday, March 25, 2007 at 8:08 PM Beating off is for gay people, and only gay people. So it has been decided. By me. —jezebel |
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plurry |
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Monday, March 26, 2007 at 7:48 AM I blew my man puddy in less than 3 min. dude, you blew puddy? 
—plurry |
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acm323 |
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Monday, March 26, 2007 at 8:37 PM Yeah. Puddy's kind of hot. —acm323 |
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jezebel |
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Monday, March 26, 2007 at 8:38 PM Remember Silly Putty? Sooo fun. —jezebel |
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