Monday, December 11, 2006 at 10:33 PM Edited Monday, December 11, 2006 at 10:36 PM
This thread serves to unique purposes. (1) If you commit suicide, post your suicide note here. (2) Otherwise, pretend you're about to commit suicide and post what you would write in your suicide note here.
Rules:
1.) It's can't be just because of Stryker. 2.) I will score each note using a variety of methodologies. That means points will only be awarded for working in homoerotic humor and/or lesbian bukkake. 3.) Awards will be awarded in a matter of a few days/years. 4.) There are no rules. 5.) If Silent Virgin locks this thread, we all really have to go through with it. 6.) Если ты читаете это, то ты поставляете сфинктеры.
Back the fuck up, I'm committing suicide. As I prepare to kill myself, I'm reminded of movie dialogue. I can't remember the verbatim but as it's translated from French it doesn't matter in the slightest. Bibiane, the main character from Maelström (I hate you Björk! I love you Björk!) is staying with her blonde nordic friend. She needs emotional support after her recent 'bortion. I'm all 'bout 'bortion but it's still a traumatic procedure. As it should be. Anyways, the blonde is an intellectual like Devin Townsend [fellow Canadian (yes male; yes comrade)] zig heil and they're talking about this author and his statement that "all human actions are manifestions against death" or something like that. And they're saying what a great sentence it is, et al. Then Bibiane asks how he died and the friend says "suicide". Now if you're still not convinced I should go the way of The Goodies, check this out: I am a 26 yr old male, born into a prestigious species and with a bone structure second to none. Yet, as of this second, I have only had 3 novels published, had zero success at the box office and have no political aspirations. Additionally I have never fondled silicone pumped breasts, knocked anyone's teeth out with my bare fist, nor even this is hilarious.
Seriously, what do I do? I do this. I am writing this master letter but it is not the only one. I am giving a hand written letter to each of the focus of one of my Rape Stories. I am hand delivering, to the door, for every girl that lives in this city. The rest will receive by postal service delivery. Within the letter will be a copy of the individual Rape Story inspired by the female in question, handwritten with painstaking perfection. Accompanying the story will be a letter explaining (with forlorn passion) my reasons for writing the story and for killing myself, and the ways in which her interaction with me has contributed to my death. I will not be bitter but I will be honest. I will also not be accusatory but I will be relentless. After all, if not now, when? The only exception to this will be my cousin, K*****. She has been the direct focus for several of my Rape Stories and the vague inspiration for several others again. I do not wish for her to read any of them. They are the cruelest and most disheartening things that most humans will ever have the chance to read. All of my energy was poured into them when they were being written and they represent my talent put to the most horrible and polished end. Instead of presenting her with the stories and an explanatory suicide note, I will catch a bus north to her home city. There I will find her house, through my aunt and her mother. I will visit her one afternoon. I won't wait for weather because I love rain and like sunshine. I will visit with her for a short while. I will have with me a love letter. Not a suicide note but a love letter. Depending on how the afternoon goes, I will leave the letter in her house for her to find, or I will take it with me. After I leave her I will walk to Burleigh Heads. I will find the part of the beach across from the childhood holiday home. Mahana. I will sit down on that epic beach and take it all in. I would prefer the oft mouthed warm bathtub; this ocean will give me the opposite. But it has to be here. And I will uncalmly and untidily slice my arms open from the elbow to the palm. Both my hands, shaking as always. Wet with more blood than the old days. It will hurt so much. I will regret it the whole time. I will watch everything around me. You have to see the beach there! The horizon is like the narrative of James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl. Full of hope and wonder, full of the touch of the universe. I'll die there, painfully and wretchedly. Then I'll never have to think again about why I can never be happy. Okay, that's my suicide note. It's pretty weak.
How to Share Your Obituary With Your Online Friends
"Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon." So mused radio announcer Chris Stevens, in a 1992 episode of Northern Exposure. And when that journey is over, you are probably going to want your online friends, who may live all over the world, to know why your postings have suddenly stopped. Steps
1. Identify the representative who will handle your affairs after your death. This could be a spouse, a son, a mother, an attorney, or even a neighbor. 2. Let your representative know that you are active online and that you want him to notify your online friends after you pass away. 3. Make a list of people with whom you correspond online. Go through your e-mail address book and think about who you would like to have notified after you pass on and how. Leave specific instructions for your representative, such as:
* How to log into your e-mail account * Send a specific message to certain people * Send a general message to everyone in the address book * Set up an automatic reply to anyone who writes to your e-mail address * Delete the account after a specified period of time has passed
4. Identify now any online communities of which you are an active member. Are you a regular contributor? Surely other users will appreciate being notified after your death. Maybe you are a read-only member. Nonetheless, you may still want to have the group notified after your death if you feel the group has helped you and you want to express your appreciation. 5. Write down full instructions as to how to access your communities. List the name of the group or service sponsoring the online community, the URL or website address or, if the group is accessed by posting an email, give the appropriate email address. 6. Ascertain how your representative will be able to log in to the community. Can he simply email an administrator? Will he have to create his own account and log on in order to send a message? Work this out now so that you can give full instructions which you know are going to work later, when your representative tries to notify the group. 7. Decide what you want your representative to tell the group. Perhaps you simply want your representative to make a simple statement indicating the date and place of your death. Or perhaps you want to prepare a paragraph now which can be uploaded to the group later. This may be particularly useful if you are currently planning for your death due to a terminal illness. Maybe you prefer to instruct your representative to simply upload your newspaper obituary. There are many ways to approach it. The point is to go ahead and plan now, before it becomes too late.
Tips
* Be sure to specify an alternate representative in case, for example, you chose your spouse and then your spouse predeceases you. * If you decide you need to give your own log-on information, then perhaps you could notify your representative that he should look in your safety deposit box after your death for full instructions. * Online notification is only one small part of the death and disability planning which you should take care of sooner than later. In most cases, it is probably a good idea to consult an attorney. Just don't forget about notifications to your online friends!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006 at 10:53 PM Edited Wednesday, December 13, 2006 at 10:54 PM
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
At long last, I am free from the confines of mind and body.
No one is to blame.
-Jim
=================================================
EDIT: Posting this made me feel kinda creepy, which is why I feel the need to mention that this was just a 'pretend' one, as per Zeet's original instructions.
Monday, December 18, 2006 at 12:10 AM Edited Monday, December 18, 2006 at 12:10 AM
Dear TLC,
I've been procrastinating for the last three hours... The thing I like most about all the blacks I've ever heard from Chris Rock to Alvin Ailey to Malcom X, is the serendipity in their oratory. Here are some quotes from two of those black men, Gary Busey, and a friend of mine who used to beat his girlfriends.
"Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today." - Malcolm X
"The most unique thing in the world is you. If you can take these steps and show us yourself through it, then that will be an extraordinary experience for the audience. Because you are unique, if you can tell us what is wonderful about you, or what is strange, or what is sad, or what is angry, then you will have done something extraordinary for the audience." - Alvin Ailey
"I think they're afraid of living, and the fear that lives in them is so much it defeats their purpose of living. They can't chase and catch their dreams, and when you don't chase and catch your dreams your imagination will live in empty spaces. And you'll be afraid of living you'll be afraid of whats coming up to you, you won't accept the good for whats its worth. You'll accept the bad because its familiar to you, and it will cause fear and all fear comes from hurt." -- Gary Busey, discussing why people commit suicide
"If you put pussy infront of my face, I am more sober than you on a different scale." - Pothead Domestic Violence Andrew
So, I guess that's why I only like pussy. I'll see you in Wauwatosa.
I need some Red Bull and Beethoven.
Deep down inside I am terrified that I have nothing to offer the world other than being a cog in a machine or a point on a normal curve. I was terrified of it when I was 17 too. Funny that it doesn't seem to be much of a motivation.
But, maybe the better side of "three sigma" is just over the hill in more ways than shown in a 2-d plot.
New Sensation is a song recorded by the band INXS, whose lead singer at the time, Michael Hutchence(sp?), who was Australian (as are you), died under mysterious circumstances, the most likely of which was suicide (the basic premise of this thread).
As far as where you went, I'm sure I don't know...but I did notice your absence here for the past few days (weeks?).
New Sensation is a song recorded by the band INXS, whose lead singer at the time, Michael Hutchence(sp?), who was Australian (as are you), died under mysterious circumstances
mysterious circumstances? or autoerotic asphixiation, amirite?? i thought I heard that a while back, I'm sure one of you people will use wikipedia to prove me wrong, but I'm a trooper, I say what I think before validating it with the internet!
Re: Autoerotic Asphyxiation I think its a cool way to go for the victim - I mean come on you are about to shoot a batch and you lose the whole plot shot your final load and go bye byes! (forever) The people that I feel sorry for are the poor partners or parents who have to find you with your last load all over you with that stupid I just shot my load smile on your face.
Sunday, December 24, 2006 at 11:15 AM Edited Sunday, December 24, 2006 at 11:20 AM
I think its a cool way to go for the victim - I mean come on you are about to shoot a batch and you lose the whole plot shot your final load and go bye byes! (forever)
I guess if you have to go, it's probably one of the more pleasant ways you could do it - certainly better than the horrible protracted deaths that 99% of us can expect - and infinitely better than the pussy "lets just pull the feeding tube and let her slowly starve / dehydrate to death because we're trying to pull a fast one on God and aren't man enough to just do the humane thing - give her a lethal injection and be done with it" that Schiavo got (not that she even knew what was going on, but still).
By the way I LOVE that I just found this pic of Adam helping out mpp
Hopefully this will deflate you somewhat - he said that he didn't really care much about it (other than wishing that grown adults could just be adults and not have to risk jail time). Apparently they kinda drafted him because he was rational about it on the air.
Busy suicide bombing some jay oh oh-s. Be back never. Fii sabi-lillah.
--Laith
P.S. Almost forgot, sys.out.println("hello");
Can I just say, at this late date, that this made me sadder than any fake suicide note should.
Don't do it Laith! Think of your TLC family! We love you! Well, except for maybe Legion, but his wife's teeth look like cave formations, so I wouldn't worry about him.
A suicide note is a message left by someone who later attempts or commits suicide. It is often mistakenly believed that all or most suicide victims leave suicide notes, but statistics show that the majority of suicide victims do not leave notes; in some countries, fewer than 10% of suicides are accompanied by suicide notes.
Obese men less likely to commit suicide, study finds
Researchers say higher amounts of insulin increase the levels of serotonin, a key brain chemical that regulates mood.
By Denise Gellene, L.A. Times Staff Writer - March 13, 2007
A new study has found that obese men have a much lower risk of suicide, a finding that scientists think may be related to their higher production of insulin and other hormones that affect mood.
The study, published today in the Archives of Internal Medicine, reported that obese men were 42% less likely to commit suicide than those at the lower end of the normal-weight range.
Lead author Kenneth J. Mukamal of Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston said he wasn't recommending that people overeat to stave off depression, noting that obesity carried numerous health risks, including diabetes and heart disease.
But the results, if replicated in a larger study, point to a new avenue for research into the role of hormones on mood, he said.
"I see this as a springboard for developing new and better ways to prevent suicide because, frankly, we don't have great ones now," Mukamal said.
He cautioned that the study was not applicable to women, in part because of hormone differences related to gender.
In addition, he said, the stigma of obesity falls more heavily on women, causing anxiety and other adverse effects on mood.
"Men can be jolly and fat," he said.
The research was based on the Health Professionals Follow-Up Study, a survey of 45,000 men — dentists, veterinarians, optometrists and others — that began in 1986.
The study examined the relationship between suicide and body mass index, a ratio of weight to height. For example, a man who is 6 feet tall and weighs 154 pounds has a body mass index, or BMI, of 21.
Researchers looked at men with BMIs ranging from below 20, which is considered underweight, to those above 30, which is considered obese.
The risk of suicide declined as BMI increased, suggesting that being fat exerted a protective effect against severe depression, the researchers said.
The study found that men with a BMI below 21 had a 39% greater risk of suicide than men in the low-normal range of 21 to 22.9.
The analysis was adjusted to take into account chronic diseases such as cancer and diabetes, and the use of antidepressants.
The researchers surmised that higher amounts of insulin in obese men increased their levels of serotonin, a key brain chemical that regulates mood. Most antidepressants act on serotonin.
The theory fit with other evidence on the relationship of insulin to mood. For example, the mood of Type 2 diabetics improves after receiving insulin. By contrast, postpartum depression in mothers of newborns is related to a drop in insulin.
Mukamal said obese men also produced larger amounts of leptin and sex hormones, which might serve to alleviate depression.
Dr. Julio Licinio, chairman of the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Miami School of Medicine, who was not connected with the research, said the findings fit with clinical experience that severely depressed people tended to lose weight, whereas mildly depressed people gained weight.
The study opens the possibility that obesity may be a response to depression, he said. Carbohydrate consumption is believed to boost serotonin levels, leading to an improved mood, he said.
"It could be they are eating to self-medicate depression, and as they do so they gain weight," Licinio said.
Although results of an autopsy on the late Richard Jeni will be announced in a couple weeks, the comedian's family is already convinced that he committed suicide.
Jeni was found in a West Hollywood home on Saturday, March 10, with a gunshot wound and died later that morning at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.
Jeni's family released the following statement to "Extra" about his death:
"Often times, when we are faced with a sudden and tragic loss, there is a natural curiosity –- a need to know what exactly happened.
"The family of Richard Jeni would like to put to rest any assumptions as to the cause of Richard's death. Despite the fact that the coroner's office has publicly stated that a suicide ruling will take two weeks, pending the results of an autopsy, Richard Jeni did take his own life.
"Rumors have been circulating as to the cause of his death and have included speculation of Richard being depressed over the state of his career or a physical ailment. His career was not even addressed by his specialists when they were trying to diagnose Richard's illness. In fact, he had just enjoyed one of his most financially rewarding years to date. He was consistently creating new material for his busy touring schedule, and during the last week of his life, he had meetings scheduled with Chris Albrecht, the president of HBO, to discuss future projects following his last HBO special. In actuality, the past few years had been more prolific than ever. As his agents can attest, prior to his illness, Richard only missed one engagement in over twenty years, and that was due to weather.
"The truth is: earlier this year Richard Jeni was diagnosed with severe clinical depression coupled with bouts of psychotic paranoia. One only needs to have a family member or friend with a mental illness to understand that there is nothing rational, predictable, or fair about these diseases. Mental illness is as serious as any physical affliction and can be just as devastating.
"He was not down or blue, he was ill. If you knew Richard, you could understand, this was as much a shock to those close to him, as it is to his fans and colleagues. Perhaps Richard's passing will encourage people to have sympathy, compassion and understanding for those who are afflicted with mental illness. As we are all trying to make sense of this, take time to remember the joy and laughter Richard brought to the countless people he touched during his much too short life."
"Mr. Brad Delp. J'ai une ame solitaire. I am a lonely soul."
I think if I ever decide to kill myself, my suicide note would just be blank. But I doubt that would happen because I think life is already short enough.
is the tv series worth watching? My friend made the mistake of watching the movie first because on the first episode it starts with "Previously, on Twin Peak...." and so he thought the movie was before the tv series but it turned out that it was referring to the pilot episode.
everyone thinks that i'm going to kill myself. there is a psychiatric emergency room that already has my name and is ready for someone to call. my mom keeps trying to come stay with me and its getting on my nerves. and now i'm stuck here watching high school musical and i really do want to kill myself.
everyone thinks that i'm going to kill myself. there is a psychiatric emergency room that already has my name and is ready for someone to call. my mom keeps trying to come stay with me and its getting on my nerves. and now i'm stuck here watching high school musical and i really do want to kill myself. —mandeemoo22
because my medication stopped working and now i'm really uber depressed and anxious and paranoid and my therapist made find a psychiatrist so i can change the medication. so i did that and she was all freaked out and has set me up with this whole treatment team and i didn't want to tell my mom all of the reasons why but then i had to because its hard to justify her paying for all of this stuff. so then my mom went all crazy and notified the school about this and now in addition to all of the other stuff, i also have to see someone at school. so my life is pretty much made up of psychiatrists these days.
I deal with my crippling depression by watching my favorite episode of Remington Steele where Pierce Brosnan steals a bus and has to babysit some rich guy's kids and calls a woman "Barbs."
Aw, c'mon, post it. Then we can all pick her apart like vultures....or whatever those birds are that pick stuff apart... I dunno, this is my lame attempt at making you feel better.
Whatever it is that is making you feel this way, trust me, it will pass. That's the beauty of life. It's fluid, ever-changing. Just because you feel this way right now, it doesn't mean that it will last forever. It sucks for a while and then it passes. I'm pretty old now and I've been through a LOT of crap in my life. The bad stuff never lasts. Some things you can change yourself, some things require outside help, and some things just go away by themselves. Either way, it doesn't last. That's why it's important to avoid making permanent decisions (like suicide) based on a temporary situation. I'm gonna have to ask you to trust me on this one. Just find something non-destructive to help you ride out the situation until it passes and the suckitude will pass by more quickly.
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement pookie.
I know it sounds cliche, but I'm on an "emotional rollercoaster" right now. Feeling good about things on second, full of rage the next, and then sad and scared.
