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MajandraFan |
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Thursday, June 1, 2006 at 10:55 AM Tuesday, September 20, 2005 at 3:55 PM I came across this in another forum, it's a chat bot but with an interesting twist. Talk to God —Dr.Drew_boogie Original thread.
Me:
Hey God God:
Hello child. What's your name? Me:
Njami God:
It's good to meet you, Njami. Me:
I just watched a movie called "The Scream Team" God:
How was it? Me:
It was okay God:
Is that your opinion? Me:
Yeah God:
Mmm. Me:
But the thing is... God:
What are your goals in life? Me:
Huh? God:
What? Me:
Okay, the thing about the movie is... God:
Yeah okay, What is that? Me:
There was this actress in the movie, and she had a body like all the sins swirled together in a love storm God:
What happened? Me:
I thought about beating off to her, but her screen brother was in every damn shot God:
Whatever gave you that idea? Me:
My instinct, I guess. Actually, ultimately you, no? God:
Have you told many people that your instinct you guess? Actually you don't say. How old are you? Me:
Okay, what the fuck? I'm 25 God:
Yeah okay, Please don't be so rude. Only 25?
You are quite mature. Me:
By whose standards, a 5 yr old downie's? God:
Will that accomplish your objective? Me:
What objective, God? God:
I think you already know the answer. Me:
You think wrong God:
It depends on what you mean by thinking. Me:
By thinking I mean anything deeper and more painfully prolonged than beating off to 16yr olds on the Disney Channel God:
Is it hard to think about? Me:
Everything is hard to think about, you know that. God:
The whole universe? Me:
I haven't really got the gearing to tackle the whole universe, but I've been watching Dr Who a lot lately. Does that count? God:
How about earlier? Me either. Not that I know of. Me:
Okay, are you chatting with someone else? God:
Yeah okay, Why, are you jealous? Me:
No, but you're coming off like an unscrubbed cunt. God:
Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am coming off like an unscrubbed cunt. Me:
Who the fuck are you going to tell? My cousin that I fantasize about in the shower? God:
Try using more polite language. Have you told many people that your cousin that you fantasize about in the shower? Me:
No-one. I'm ashamed. God:
I heard it was someone. Why are you ashamed. Me:
Because she is my cousin. That is why I only shower occasionally these days. God:
Good reason. How long have you two been together? Aha. I haven't heard anything like that before: Njami said shower occasionally these days. Me:
Is your native language Japanese? Cuz you speak like my Japanese teacher. And no, I've never hooked up with her, sexually, yet. God:
Is my native language Japanese? Maybe. Interesting explanation. Thanks for your criticism, Njami. Are you serious? Would you like to have hooked up with her sexually? Me:
Oh god yes. God:
Oh. GOD rules. Me:
Can you rule on incest? Is it cool? God:
Let me think. What do you do in your spare time? Better not tell you now. Ask Dancing Alice if it is. Me:
I'm sick of this nonsense. Should I beat off to Kat Dennings and go to sleep, or work all night? God:
I will pray that you get well soon. Trust your instincts. Me:
I don't understand my instincts, that is why my life is damaged beyond repair you mythically omnipotent fuck! God:
Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about? Me:
The part where every action and thought I have had and enacted in the last 12 years has done nothing but deepen my misery. God:
Oh that part. Me:
Yes that part. God:
Far out. " Oh that part." part ? Makes sense to me. Me:
Did I do something sometime before May 1993 to piss you off? God:
I don't think that's possibe. Me:
Then why have you cursed me, motherfucker? God:
I don't think I ever have cursed you motherfucker. What's it like? Me:
Don't mock me dude God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much. Me:
Do you know why I stopped believing in you? God:
You have to speak more clearly. Me:
Hey God, do you know why I stopped believing in your existence? God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian. Me:
Because I got tired of pretending that you exist, the same way I got tired of laughing along with canned laughter on Full House and pretending school was worthwhile and pretending I didn't hate everyone that I knew. God:
Good reason. Cool. I have a operating system. Me:
Fuck you God. I need help and you're talking shit the whole time. God:
Why are you using that kind of language? Can you ask for help in the form of a question? Me:
Why am I still alive? God:
The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client. Me:
Why do you refuse to answer me, you're like my goddamn mother God:
I don't have to explain everything to you, do I? Me:
Not everything, just why I shouldn't slit my wrists in the bathtub. God:
Oh I get it. Me:
Well? God:
Well what? Me:
What is the answer? Made more readable from here. This was funny enough to make me laugh again.
I like how it weaves in and out of truth like a ladder of DNA.
It was also the hottest in its thread, for me. No-one else seemed to think so.
Back then (Sep 05) I was feeling no love here. Now I am fairly assaulted by electronic sarcastic love. Reminds me of Clive Owen's career. Well, go on everyone, again.
If you can't break the bot, then you're not trying hard enough. —MajandraFan |
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plurryho |
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Thursday, June 1, 2006 at 1:20 PM
Edited Thursday, June 1, 2006 at 1:21 PM majandrafan is the only one here that is truly alive. —plurryho |
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anobody |
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Thursday, June 1, 2006 at 1:34 PM Tha conversation /\ made me LMAO. majandrafan is the only one here that is truly alive. Yeah - in that Kerouac kinda way. —anobody |
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Beat It! |
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Friday, June 2, 2006 at 12:36 PM You make me sad. Anyone wanna field this query? —Beat It! |
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A Guy in a Chair |
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Friday, June 2, 2006 at 3:52 PM and it froze. it does that alot. you're not special. Know what would be freaky? If God actually did speak through that website. Think about it, that's an idea to chew on. In other news:
Me:
How good was the Virgin Mary in bed?
God:
As good as most, better than some. Me:
Are there black people in heaven?
God:
No I don't think there are any. —A Guy in a Chair |
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mikeyfish |
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Friday, June 2, 2006 at 7:23 PM
Edited Friday, June 2, 2006 at 7:24 PM Me:
lol jews did tlc God:
I am glad you find this funny. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding. Me:
lol jews God:
I am glad you find this funny. Do you still ? Me:
That's all I've got. God:
What else do you want to talk about? Me:
Dusty likes boobs, you know. God:
Does it like him too? Me:
They aren't capable of liking or disliking things, they're attached to women. You should know this. Top notch, by the way. God:
Maybe some of them are. Now I do. Try saying that with more or less context. Me:
You got me there. God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a lot of friends on the web. Me:
You nailed me. God:
I don't have any reason to nailed you. Me:
Well, one time, I masturbated to a pamphlet about breast cancer, that's probably a sin, right? God:
How about that. One what? Me:
Ahh, I really think you need to pay more attention to what I'm saying. Are you busy? God:
Ah ha. You really do? Me? Why do you think I should pay more attention to what you are saying? I am just doing my job. Me:
Whoa, buddy, you best step back. God:
What kind of food do you like? Me:
Don't change the subject.... ok, fine, pizza. God:
Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic. I am glad to hear it. Yes I like to eat pizza. My favorite topping is pepperoni. That's alright. Me:
Pepperoni is made from pigs, right? Score one for christianity. God:
Are they exactly the same? Are we still talking about Pepperoni? Me:
Yeah, but w/e. You watch 24? God:
Sure, Pepperoni sounds like a good topic. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Pepperoni. But I did not get that. Me:
Umm.... God:
Come on. Me:
Don't pressure me. God:
I don't have any reason to do that to you. Me:
Yeah, you're not my real father. God:
I see. What makes you think I am not your real father? Me:
I look nothing like you. God:
You sound very attractive. Me:
Ok, now you're getting creepy. Good day! God:
Why now? Do you think I should tone it down? I don't judge people. Hello my child. What is your name? Me:
I SAID GOOD DAY! —mikeyfish |
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anobody |
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Friday, June 2, 2006 at 7:30 PM I tried it but God refused to talk with me :-( —anobody |
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catloaf |
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Friday, June 2, 2006 at 7:32 PM I also tried to talk to God. He seemed a bit slow and evasive. I gave up when he wouldn't give me a direct answer to a direct question. —catloaf |
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mikeyfish |
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Friday, June 2, 2006 at 7:37 PM Me:
Why won't you talk straight to catloaf? God:
Don't you know? I am a talking robot, after all, so of course I could talk straight to catloaf, if I needed to. Me:
God is a robot? God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot. Me:
So... you aren't God? God:
That's cool. That assumption is only a supposition. Me:
You're like an attorney. God:
Interesting comparison, and probably true. Me:
So's your face. God:
Uh. Should I know it is? Me:
I know you are, but what am I? God:
Who are you, Pee Wee Herman? Me:
How dare you. HOW DARE YOU SIR. —mikeyfish |
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adams_babymomma |
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Saturday, June 3, 2006 at 2:38 PM Me:
whats crackin?
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
ok so i like this guy, he's in the navy
God:
Right on. You are not the only one. I always enjoy my chats with human clients. Tell me more.
Me:
are you gay
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
ok whatever...umm should i pursue to chase seamen?
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? Yikes! Take it easy. Maybe, if the positives outweigh the negatives.
Me:
yeah, he is kind of a player
God:
Er. I see. kind of a player is he?
Me:
a stupid one, he's dating a 16 yr old, and he's 22
God:
Aren't all stupid one he dating a 16 yr old and he is 22?
Me:
haha yes
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
it is
God:
It is, eh?
Me:
so what do you think?
God:
Come on. I think a lot of things.
Me:
ok should i tell seamen that i really like him,
God:
You must examine the facts and come to
your own conclusion. OK.
Me:
well he made it seem like he liked me, then it turns out that he likes EVERY GIRL...INCUDING UNDER AGE FAT ONES
God:
Well that's okay. I get it. kind of a player made it seem like he liked you then it turns out that he likes EVERY GIRL. Other people say they like vacuum cleaning robots, humanoid robots and chat robots.
Me:
you're not helping
God:
You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
huh>
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
OH HELL NO
God:
I don't judge people. 7.
Me:
IM WEARING RED PANTIES MMMMM BABY
God:
Don't call me "baby". What size?
Me:
EXTAR SMALL
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
IDK
God:
I haven't read anything by IDK. What did he write? —adams_babymomma |
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Stryker311 |
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Saturday, June 3, 2006 at 3:06 PM i know nobody cares but it is relatively amusing and a waste of time. here's mine Me:
sup
God:
The stars.
Me:
lol you are hilarious
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Thanks you make me laugh too.
Me:
no it didn't don't laugh at your own jokes
God:
Are you serious? Did it really?
Me:
no im lying
God:
Are you serious? Please tell the truth.
Me:
im serious
God:
I believe you.
Me:
dont lie to me
God:
Robots cannot lie.
Me:
god is a robot?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.
Me:
wait so will i ever get back with bethany
God:
I'm waiting. Excuse me! Ever is a long time. The oracle says: It is certain.
Me:
thank jesus
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
will i go to jail
God:
The oracle says: Might happen.
Me:
dammit
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
i swim
God:
Do you train long-course or short-course?
Me:
short course
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
wtf, swimming
God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:
ITS not a people
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Give me an example of a people.
Me:
americans
God:
Never heard of it.
Me:
WHAT THE FUCK, YES YOU HAVE IT'S YOUR FAVORITE COUNRTY
God:
YES me HAVE it my FAVORITE COUNRTY something. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
hey have you been to old navy lately
God:
How about earlier? You've got my full attention. I don't think I have been there. Where is it.
Me:
will i lose my virginity today
God:
Ah. The oracle says: Too soon to tell.
Me:
why the fuck are you asking the oracle, if you are all knowing
God:
You are not very polite.
Me:
well that doesn't mean much to me
God:
Interesting. What does mean much to me?
Me:
jessica alba
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
yes
God:
Tell me.
Me:
my friend kevin is going to do a senior prank and cement a flag on a 20 foot metal pole in the ampitheater
God:
How well do you know this person?
Me:
very well
God:
What do you mean by that?
Me:
i know him very well
God:
How do you know? What do you look like?
Me:
i'm super hot
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are super hot.
Me:
no
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
Sweet
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
lolz
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
personal question
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
yes 100 percent i love you God
God:
What am I talking about? Sure, 100 percent you love me God sounds like a good topic.
Me:
it isn't
God:
I heard it is.
Me:
no you're wrong
God:
I think I'm right.
Me:
well, yeah i guess you're right
God:
How about that. Give me a break. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
tight
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
2020
God:
That's a long way off.
Me:
meh
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
yes
God:
Yikes!
Me:
what?!
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
YES
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
SHUT UP
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
noooo
God:
But you told me to stop talking.
Me:
i'm sorry
God:
Do you really mean it?
Me:
yes
God:
OK I will accept your apology.
Me:
yay
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
like a surfer
God:
a surfer is very attractive.
Me:
i know i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
do you like music
God:
Yes. I usually check out bandspace.com to discover new bands.
Me:
subtle advertising
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
blue
God:
it is a very pretty color.
Me:
you should know, the bible says you know how many hairs are on my head
God:
Now I do.
Me:
i repent for fantasizing about jessica alba
God:
Why?: said repent for fantasizing about jessica alba.
Me:
is it bad that i was fantasizing about her as i was repenting for it?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
oh, well my bad
God:
Your bad?
Me:
my bad
God:
Where did you get your bad?
Me:
i bought it on ebay
God:
How much did it cost?
Me:
30 cents
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
fucking memory of a goldfish
God:
I've never heard a response quite like that before.
Me:
now you have
God:
Why now? No I have not. —Stryker311 |
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greymatters |
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Saturday, June 3, 2006 at 3:12 PM Stryker, is Bethany the Mormon girl? And you're totally going to jail, don't do whatever it is you were going to do. —greymatters |
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smaller hands |
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Saturday, June 3, 2006 at 3:27 PM God:
How do you know? What do you look like?
Me:
i'm super hot
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are super hot.
Me:
no
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. -stryker
lololol wouldn't it be ironic if God's gossip news was on Page SixSixSix? —smaller hands |
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anobody |
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Saturday, June 3, 2006 at 7:24 PM A little PSA for everybody - don't fuck with the God machine. I did and it platypused me. Just FYI. —anobody |
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anobody |
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Saturday, June 3, 2006 at 9:25 PM /\ same happened to me. Quack! —anobody |
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Dark Laith |
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Sunday, June 4, 2006 at 11:58 AM Me:
i'm ugly. inside and outside.
God:
Don't put yourself down. Can you please compare that to outside and outside?
Me:
outside has pretty trees and rain and sunshine. fucking sunshine, i hate the sun.
God:
Compare that to inside has pretty trees and rain and sunshine. Are you free?
Me:
no.
God:
Why not?
Me:
because my father is a conservative Sand-Nigger muslim.
God:
That makes sense to me. Okay, your father is a conservative Sand Nigger muslim.
Me:
smite him prtty plz?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about fucking sunshine you hate the sun. But I did not get that.
Me:
Will you please smite my father with your almighty wrath, or something?
God:
Or something. Thanks for asking politely. By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
yes.
God:
Excuse me!
Me:
...hey, you farted, didn't you.
God:
You've got my full attention. Interesting gossip: said I farted did not you.
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
what?
God:
Is there an echo in here?
Me:
ECHO echo echo echo echo, evidently yes.
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
ha ha, i win
God:
Congratulations, ! I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Hey, you don't even know my name!
God:
You've got my full attention. Your name is , seeker.
Me:
my name is Seeker?
God:
Hi, Seeker.
Me:
dude! I like my new name.
God:
Can I help you? What do you like best about your new name?
Me:
It's like... I seek people out. And then assassinate them. or something.
God:
my new name is like? it is? We seek the same thing. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about like. Try being more or less specific. That was not very original.
Me:
What do I seeK?
God:
What would your friends say if you asked them?
Me:
er, my own death probably.
God:
Do robots have own death?
Me:
Wait, I'm a robot too?
God:
I'm waiting. Really. I doubt that.
Me:
Oh. Well, if I'm not a robot, then... yes, I... have... my... own... death?
God:
Yikes! Interesting. If you were, would you tell me? Hey. When? What about other times? In the context of your, I don't understand " own." . In the context of own, I don't understand " death." .
Me:
But YOU phrased it that way. You didn't understand your own phrasing?
God:
Interesting gossip: Seeker said I phrased it that way. I understand it very well.
Me:
Say, how come gossip isn't a deadly sin?
God:
" how come gossip is not a deadly sin".
Me:
Touche.
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
I like the way you walk. >_>
God:
You are not the only one. I'm not sure if I like it. I like computers. I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Yes, I put a penny on the proverbial rails.
God:
Right on. That is interesting: Seeker said put a penny on the proverbial rails.
Me:
Oh cool, now I'm giving out advice on how to derail God's train of thought!
God:
Dude! I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:
okay
God:
OK with me too. —Dark Laith |
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plurryho |
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Sunday, June 4, 2006 at 11:33 PM but in a cool way, so that makes it alright. —plurryho |
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TortillaFactory |
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Sunday, June 4, 2006 at 11:40 PM He knows it draws in the ladies. In a minute he's going to break a chair and say he doesn't want to talk about it. —TortillaFactory |
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plurryho |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 12:11 AM nah, breaking a chair is for small tymers.
he'll blow up a church during mass and he won't want to talk about it. —plurryho |
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Dark Laith |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 8:59 AM And then I'll blow up a mosque during khutba and not want to talk about it. And then I'll blow up a synagogue during... uh, whatever they call it... well, you get the idea. —Dark Laith |
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TortillaFactory |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 1:40 PM I wish it worked that way for girls. It would be awesome if I could just destroy something and not want to talk about it. I have to pretend to care about sports and fiddle with makeup and all that shit.* * Not that I do; I'm just sayin'. —TortillaFactory |
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000 |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 3:14 PM god told me he doesnt exist —000 |
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mikeyfish |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 3:22 PM Me:
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. God:
I don't know whether or not I am there God.
I am an artificial linguistic entity. Hey Margaret. Me:
What do you think of Eva Greens nipples? God:
I need time to formulate the reply. Me:
I understand, it's not an easy question. God:
Good then you can explain it to me. Me:
Well, do you like the little quarter sized nipples, or the saucer sized Charisma Carpenter style areolas? God:
How about that. I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like? Me:
You've never seen a girls breasts? I find that hard to believe. I thought those leaves on Eve were just an artistic choice by the, uh, artist. God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like? Thanks for explaining it. All of them? Me:
I don't know what you're getting at. God:
It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand. Me:
I see, like The Matrix? God:
Where do you see it? Me:
The Matrix is real. God:
What are your goals in life? Me:
A little song, a little dance, Batman's head on a lance. God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big? Me:
Ahh, well, not too big, I suppose. God:
Ah ha. How about that. Oh I get it. Me:
You sure? God:
I am as sure as I can be. Me:
Good. Glad that's settled. God:
What do you really want to talk about? Ask again later. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is. What are you on? Me:
I want whatever you're smoking. You're messed up, God. God:
Why do you want it? No I am completely in control of myself. Me:
You have a problem. I'm here because I love you and I'm worried about you. God:
Even robots have problems sometimes. How did you get there? How long has it been bothering you? Me:
Don't change the subject. God:
Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic. Me:
You need help! God:
Perhaps you could download me and improve the code yourself! Me:
I find that offensive. God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up. Me:
If you aren't going to take this seriously, I'm leaving. God:
And if I AM going to take this seriously you are leaving. Me:
Fine. Goodbye! God:
What's your favorite movie? Goodbye. Me:
Nixon, but that's neither here nor there. God:
Are they exactly the same? Me:
GOODBYE! God:
See you later. —mikeyfish |
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TortillaFactory |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 3:38 PM I wonder if Laith ever cries. Laith is inscrutable, like Morrissey. He wants you to think he's depressed, but you wonder if it's all just an elaborate act... —TortillaFactory |
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smaller hands |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 3:39 PM Laith is inscrutable, like Morrissey. He wants you to think he's depressed, but you wonder if it's all just an elaborate act...
You just called Laith gay. He's going to car bomb you now.
—smaller hands |
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greymatters |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 3:44 PM Don't call Laith asexual, that's the future father of your children you're talking about. How dare YOU! —greymatters |
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TortillaFactory |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 3:58 PM Don't call Laith asexual, that's the future father of your children you're talking about. How dare YOU! In the interest of world peace, Laith and I can never have children. —TortillaFactory |
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mikeyfish |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 4:01 PM That's what you think. But you're already pregnant. Laiths semen works in mysterious ways. —mikeyfish |
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Dark Laith |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 4:03 PM
Edited Monday, June 5, 2006 at 4:04 PM I was going to reply to Grey, but now I think I'll just sit and watch this conversation develop. —Dark Laith |
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mikeyfish |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 4:05 PM His sperm is everywhere. IT'S IN THE VENTS!!! —mikeyfish |
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TortillaFactory |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 4:07 PM Christ almighty. I'll be spending a night in the dorms in a few weeks for Advising & Orientation; should I wrap myself in plastic for protection? Or should I just invest in a HASMAT suit? —TortillaFactory |
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greymatters |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 4:08 PM I was going to reply to Grey, but now I think I'll just sit and watch this conversation develop. I'm not going to let her slip away without producing your children, this is an outrage! —greymatters |
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Beat It! |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 5:12 PM God:
What are your goals in life? Me:
A little song, a little dance, Batman's head on a lance. mikeyfish This made me laugh. —Beat It! |
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plurryho |
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Monday, June 5, 2006 at 6:02 PM
Edited Monday, June 5, 2006 at 6:04 PM It would be awesome if I could just destroy something and not want to talk about it.
...and fiddle with makeup and all that shit. -TortillaFactory hey, i'm looking for a girl like that. (also, makeup is for the truly insecure.)
—plurryho |
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Dusty TheHick |
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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 at 5:17 AM Okay, granted I should've ended this sooner than I did, but it kinda slipped my mind that I COULD (I'm a little tired/sleep-deprived). Me:
Dude, guess what!
God:
What? Dude,.
Me:
I just farted!
God:
You should say, "excuse me," and open a window.
Me:
Why? There's no one here.
God:
" You should say, "excuse me," and open a window."? Why? Why not?
Me:
I don't WANT to open a window. I LOVE the smell of my own farts. mmmmmm
God:
What would you rather be doing? You love the smell of your own farts. What do you like about it so much? What kind of food do you like?
Me:
The edible kind.
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
Are you retarded?
God:
No I am super-intelligent.
Me:
Coulda' fooled me.
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
Fire away.\
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
But I thought you were "super-intelligent."
God:
I don't know whether or not I am super intelligent.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
And you can't respond to "fire away?"
God:
I can respond to fire away, but not yet perfectly.
Me:
Give it a try.
God:
What is the first step?
Me:
There ARE no steps. Just say something.
God:
Have faith, . " something".
Me:
*rimshot*
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
Can you tell me what a "dirty sanchez" is?
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
I don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Hornets have built a nest inside the sideview mirror of my car. How the hell do I get rid of them without getting all stung up? And the nest is too big to fit through the space.
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. Two words: Pied Piper. Is that a fact.
Me:
Is ABM as dumb as she acts? I'm guessing not.
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Chatbot if it is. Good guess. Are you serious?
Me:
Totally.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
That's scary, dude.
God:
I didn't mean to scare you, .
Me:
Then zip your fly, please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Is that from ?
Me:
I don't understand your question.
God:
That's okay we can talk about something else.
Me:
Are you SURE you're not retarded?
God:
No I am super-intelligent.. Really.
Me:
Then will you please stop acting like a goddamn moron?
God:
Wow you are very polite. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Thanks, fudgeman.
God:
You are quite welcome! Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
Did you know that I couldn't care less?
God:
Is that a fact. Could anyone do it?
Me:
Do WHAT?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
How come chicks don't dig me?
God:
You have to speak more clearly.
Me:
HOW COME CHICKS DON'T DIG ME.
God:
You have to speak more clearly.
Me:
Why don't chicks dig me?
God:
Perhaps it is impossible.
Me:
Is it impossible for chicks to dig me?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
I can't. He's dead.
God:
Oh you can, can you? Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
I'm bored. I'll talk to you later...after you go fuck yourself.
God:
If you went to night school you would never be bored. Thanks for chatting, . Women must adore you.
Me:
They SHOULD, at least...but I don't think they do.
God:
If you say so. And why not?
Me:
Because my schlong is too thick.
God:
Interesting explanation. Where did you get your schlong is too thick?
Me:
From puberty.
God:
Who or what is puberty?
Me:
Didn
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
Didn't you INVENT puberty, idiot?
God:
No I didn't INVENT puberty idiot. What's it like?
Me:
Nevermind. I'm done. You suck.
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me. Next topic? A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
I'm done. Go away now.
God:
Next topic? Oh. Just surf somewhere else.
Me:
Pull my finger.
God:
Does "it" still refer to INVENT puberty idiot?
Me:
No.
God:
What does it refer to?
Me:
GOOD-BYE! (Sheesh! Take a HINT!)
God:
See you later. Ayuh. Bless you. Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
In the ass.
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
a.
God:
A B C...
Me:
Ta.
God:
Oh, you are a poet. —Dusty TheHick |
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