Sunday, August 7, 2005 at 7:16 PM
Edited Sunday, August 7, 2005 at 7:16 PM Just a familiar rant eloquently transcribed due to Adam's obvious love of the printed word. I typed it up cause typing is part of what I do and like anything, the more practice you get, the better you get at it. And the better you are, the more scrilla you make. And the more scrilla ya make, the more bitches ya bag. And the more bitches ya bag, the more..no wait, that the conclusion. QED! I don’t even know where to begin with L.A.. If you’re thinking about visiting here, don’t bother. Let me save you the trouble.
More than any other city in the world, Los Angeles is filled with overzealous cops writing chicken-shit tickets-and that fucks everything up. You know what happens if you call 911 here? You’re told the police are too busy. Too busy! Gang members ransacked your house? Expect an eight-hour wait for someone to show up. Why? Not enough manpower, they’ll say. Bullshit, they’ve got oodles of manpower-I see them hiding in driveways every morning stopping secretaries for coasting through four-way stops.
I go a ticket the other day for not having a front license plate on my car. First of all, that isn’t even illegal in half of the country. Second of all, it’s not like I was pulled over for an open container or because I had a hobo stuck to my front bumper. I was pulled over solely for not having a front license plate. I almost feel bad for the cop who gave me the ticket. Are you telling me that this is what he signed up for when he joined the police academy? This was his dream when he was watching T.J. Hooker as a kid and practicing shoulder rolls on his friend’s lawn- writing chicken-shit tickets for having no front license plate? No way, he dreamed of chasing perps down alleyways and yelling, “No time for backup!” before rappelling into dark warehouses.
Now, the police are too lazy to even write tickets! The only reason they want a plate on your front bumper is so the cameras on every light can snap a photo of it if your front bumper goes through an intersection one-tenth of a fucking hummingbird’s heartbeat late. Then a ticket shows up in the mail with your picture on it!
This is why traffic is such a nightmare out here. These idiot legislators say we need more public transportation and freeways to fix the problem. Bullshit. When it comes to driving, L.A. is a police state and people are scared shitless to move. Everyone is afraid to drive and you can never get anywhere.
Here’s a novel idea-stop shaking down taxpayers and apply some of that manpower to the real criminals. Or, bring back the goddamn Policeman’s Ball! Isn’t that how those guys used to make money? Yeah, sell some tickets, we’ll give you a couple of bucks and you’ll leave us alone when we drive our cars.
—Ovid |
