foob2011
+
Friday, January 7, 2005 at 7:44 PM
I am starting a masturbation journal here. Everyone is welcome to make entries. I have already made two, but in a different thread.
START YOUR ENGINES...err GENETALIA!!!!
—foob2011
gouranga3221
+
Friday, January 7, 2005 at 7:49 PM
Friday, Jan 7th, 8:50 pm.
—gouranga3221
ZT
+
Friday, January 7, 2005 at 10:03 PM
10:54pm
—ZT
nvgoddess
+
Friday, January 7, 2005 at 10:05 PM
Friday, January 7
—nvgoddess
CauseTheEffects
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 12:26 AM
12:14 A.M. Saturday, January 08, 2005
—CauseTheEffects
TortillaFactory
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 12:36 AM
Aw, heck with it.
Archival post...
Thursday, January 6th
—TortillaFactory
Misdirectomy
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 12:40 AM
Saturday, Jan 8, 12:40AM
Read TortillaFactory's post.
—Misdirectomy
clodhopper
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 12:50 AM
Saturday, December 8th, 2005 - 02:49 CST
Stood in bathroom and beat off wildly to headshot of self wearing sunglasses in to bathroom sink.
Elapsed time: 1 minutes and 13 seconds.
—clodhopper
Ernasty
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 7:35 AM
haha, yeah that miko lee one is awesome, guess i should contribute
10:05 EST
—Ernasty
Forest Spirit
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Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 10:10 AMEdited Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 10:12 AM
10:00pm
5 minutes, Ernasty? I envy you. *grumbles*
—Forest Spirit
Dark Laith
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 12:11 PM
Saturday, January 8
—Dark Laith
HazeTrooper
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 4:46 PMEdited Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 4:47 PM
>>Friday, January 7
Oh wait...;-) I guess it's not masturbation if you're being HELPED, right? ;-)
—nvgoddess
That's the horniest post I've ever seen that doesn't contain profanity...
—HazeTrooper
foob2011
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 4:48 PMEdited Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 4:56 PM
PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
January, 8 7:48pm
just masturbated to nvgoddesses post...
—foob2011
goodtimes3
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 5:24 PMEdited Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 5:25 PM
8:24
—goodtimes3
maxPOWER
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 6:20 PM
i didnt learn how or realise everyone does it til i was 18
—maxPOWER
gouranga3221
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 7:17 PM
Sat, Jan 8th
—gouranga3221
clodhopper
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 8:34 PM
Saturday, December 8th, 2005 - 22:16 CST
Viewed roughing the passer penalty on New York Jets which allowed San Diego Chargers a new set of downs and to tie the game during their Wild Card playoff matchup.
Elapsed time: From touchdown to overtime coin flip.
—clodhopper
GooseAss
+
Saturday, January 8, 2005 at 9:46 PM
jan 9, 2005. 12:45 AM.
although tired and not really in the mood, forced myself to rub one out, just so i don't get into a slump.
realized i could name 75% of the internet porn sluts by looking at a thumbnail of their vagina or breasts.
—GooseAss
nvgoddess
+
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 at 8:33 PM
I had to revive this thread because it's so damn much fun. And, well, I had so damn much fun.
—nvgoddess
ZT
+
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 at 9:11 PM
10:15pm
Masturbated to nvgoddess reviving this thread.
—ZT
savethebabies
+
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 at 9:32 PM
I will pray hard that God Almighty, the God of Abraham and Isaac, forgive all you fornicators...
—savethebabies
Dark Laith
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 at 9:51 PM
Then I'll masturbate even harder while pointing at the sky and laughing.
—Dark Laith
ZT
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 at 9:54 PMEdited Wednesday, January 26, 2005 at 9:55 PM
10:59pm
Masturbated to Dark Laith pointing to the sky and laughing while masturbating.
—ZT
savethebabies
+
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 at 10:45 PM
Just remember while you're tugging your meat or spanking the monkey, that God is Watching! And he loves you despite of your weakness of the flesh.
—savethebabies
ZT
+
Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 6:54 PM
Started: 7:42pm
—ZT
steve
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Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 7:46 PM
You said "cum-SHOOTS " when I was expecting to hear "cum-SHOTS " -- It made it sound like you were saying it with a Scottish accent -- Like, "Aye captain, we're rrrready for the cum-shoot now!"
—steve
Dusty TheHick
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Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 8:15 PMEdited Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 8:16 PM
beat off 3 times today. about average
—Farty Face
Ok...How many times has Jizzy Face farted today?
—Dusty TheHick
ZT
+
Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 9:20 PM
My best friend in 1st grade was named Jizzy Face. He was cambodian.
—ZT
steve
+
Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 10:49 PM
See Dusty? Jizzy Face was the DJ . And you thought he was the rapper.
—steve
Dark Laith
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Friday, January 28, 2005 at 1:10 PMEdited Friday, January 28, 2005 at 1:11 PM
Oh, well I'm certain none of THOSE women were EVER abused in childhood.
Heh, but I still like the idea of a Muslim guy freaking out because he thought some woman smeared her menstrual blood on him.
—Dark Laith
ArtEllis
+
Friday, January 28, 2005 at 5:57 PM
you people have no idea how lucky you are. It always takes me at least 20 minutes. It works good for sex, but when you just want to knock out a quick one, it's a pain.
—ArtEllis
Wugie
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Friday, January 28, 2005 at 7:55 PM
Here is my one post saying I beat off about 1 to 2 times a day. Even when getting regular sex.
—Wugie
ZT
+
Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 11:51 AM
Interrogation can be like a violent crime... and then you cum.
—ZT
Wugie
+
Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 8:46 PM
Dude, what the hell is "regular sex?"
—Dusty TheHick
It means on a regular basis. You've never heard it used like that before?
—Wugie
masonjar_condition
+
Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 9:37 PM
"Jesus drinks because I beat off"... a motivational story as narrated by Ace Rockola.
... I bet it would sell more copies than Drews book. lol.
—masonjar_condition
steve
+
Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 10:41 PM
Subtitle: "The Aceman Cometh"
—steve
no! cannot have!
+
Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 12:10 PM
Sunday, January 30th
—no! cannot have!
Darkfloyd
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Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 2:25 PMEdited Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 2:26 PM
1/30/05
Pretty funny for awhile, then I couldnt hold in it anymore.
Elapsed time: 20 mins
—Darkfloyd
Juanus
+
Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 3:28 PM
Download "One Night in Chyna" and lets see how far you get.
—Juanus
Shaggy2Dope
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Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 3:30 PMEdited Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 3:31 PM
Chyna...is...a...MAN! SHHHHHHOCKING!
—Shaggy2Dope
clodhopper
+
Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 3:35 PM
DO NOT remind me of her massive phallic-like clitoris. My God. Who's laughing now? Chyna and X-Pac or WWE?
—clodhopper
Wugie
+
Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 4:39 PM
HAHAHHA OH SHIT I saw that too
—Wugie
steve
+
Wednesday, February 2, 2005 at 5:29 PM
"Was I masturbating to the japanese girl, or the dogs? You are part of the mystery."
Aw, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard this line.
I'd have one dollar.
—steve
Juanus
+
Wednesday, February 2, 2005 at 6:00 PM
http://media.hugi.is/hahradi/fyndnar/poodlefitness.mov
hold on... SHUT IT OFF!!! SHUT IT OFF!!
—Juanus
TortillaFactory
+
Friday, February 4, 2005 at 5:14 PM
2/04/05
Realized I was home alone.
Method: Garfield vibrating massager
Catalyst: Jude Law/Rachel Weisz sex scene from Enemy at the Gates .
Orgasms: 2
Quality (1-10): 8.5
—TortillaFactory
nvgoddess
+
Friday, February 4, 2005 at 5:22 PM
Dude! You have a Garfield vibe? AWESOME.
—nvgoddess
goodtimes3
+
Friday, February 4, 2005 at 6:06 PM
9,06 2/4/05
just read nvgodess's and Tf's posts.
this is monthly...
—goodtimes3
Dusty TheHick
+
Friday, February 4, 2005 at 6:20 PM
Wow! Talk about a gal who sweats the details!!!
(They make a "Garfield" vibrating massager?)
—Dusty TheHick
nvgoddess
+
Friday, February 4, 2005 at 6:23 PM
I know, I'm totally jealous - but kind of freaked out. I dont' know if a cartoon cat would...er...put me "over the edge."
—nvgoddess
steve
+
Friday, February 4, 2005 at 9:58 PM
Y'know, the Garfield vibrating massager is pretty good, but the Garfield life-like vagina is really out of this world.
—steve
Dusty TheHick
+
Friday, February 4, 2005 at 11:49 PM
Aw, fertheosakes, steve...Thanx for the damn mental pic. Now I'll never look at the funny papers the same again!
—Dusty TheHick
Dusty TheHick
+
Friday, February 4, 2005 at 11:50 PM
Y'know, steve...I was thinking. Maybe this joke at Theo's expense is only serving to inflate his colossal (and unjustified) ego even further.
—Dusty TheHick
oh-for
+
Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 4:52 AMEdited Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 4:52 AM
you girls are starting to get to me. 8.5? awesome. very good times. although I kind of expected an interactual
picture. maybe next time liz? we've got to get jess a digital camera :)
—oh-for
maxPOWER
+
Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 8:49 AM
my extreme laziness clashes with my desire to beat off constantly
—maxPOWER
Dark Laith
+
Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 11:00 AM
Agggh! All this Garfield-as-a-sex-toy-talk has just ruined years of my childhood memories. >_<
—Dark Laith
steve
+
Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 3:13 PM
^Years or sexy childhood memories, Laith? *raises eyebrows*
—steve
steve
+
Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 5:40 PM
I'll take that as a 'yes'. *rimshot*
—steve
Fiska
+
Thursday, March 16, 2006 at 11:16 PM
...So what's with the random revival of year-old threads?
—Fiska
Kevin U.
+
Thursday, March 16, 2006 at 11:40 PM
It's ZT's way of waxing nostalgically without actually typing anything.
—Kevin U.
TortillaFactory
+
Friday, March 17, 2006 at 12:58 AM
Ha.
And I still have the Garfield, too.
LAST NIGHT and THIS EVENINGSecretary .
....brb.
—TortillaFactory
HocusPocus
+
Friday, March 17, 2006 at 1:22 AM
I masturbated to Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter yesterday.
—HocusPocus
attack crows
+
Friday, March 17, 2006 at 4:17 AM
no! cannot have!
+
Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 12:10 PM
Sunday, January 30th
—attack crows
Brian's Penis
+
Friday, March 17, 2006 at 8:09 PM
Friday March 17th @ 9:12pm
Thought about God killing kittens. Got off. Twice.
23 Strokes? JACK THAT DORK!
—Brian's Penis
VersusGod
+
Friday, March 17, 2006 at 9:21 PM
Warmed up while reading this thread,
Elapsed time: Damn, got some nut-butter on my chronograph stop/reset button.
—VersusGod
ZT-In-Heat
+
Friday, May 5, 2006 at 6:54 PM
It's been about a week for me -- finals stress.
And no, none of you have decent taste in women or porno enough to make me want to masturbate to your horrible pr0n posted on TLC.
Though greymatters has come close.
—ZT-In-Heat
Chrispy
+
Friday, May 5, 2006 at 9:24 PM
4:32
—Chrispy
smaller hands
+
Friday, May 5, 2006 at 11:41 PM
April 25th
—smaller hands
greymatters
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 10:36 AM
Though greymatters has come close.
You can't bait me into posting suggestive photos to elicit sexual pangs from your naughty bits down south. I will not be manipulated, no way, no how. I turn my back on you.
—greymatters
anobody
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 11:15 AM
Since I know you just do that for me, Grey - I want you to know that I like your first back best.
—anobody
mandeemoo22
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 11:21 AM
1:37pm
—mandeemoo22
anobody
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 11:44 AM
mmmmmmmm..... Fudge Stripes
—anobody
ZT-In-Heat
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 4:03 PM
You can't bait me into posting suggestive photos to elicit sexual pangs from your naughty bits down south. I will not be manipulated, no way, no how. I turn my back on you.
Hey, wait! All those chicks have arms.
—ZT-In-Heat
goodtimes10
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 4:08 PM
air - playground love, my bloody valentine - when you sleep, belle & sebastian - like dylan in the movies, yo la tengo - you can have it all
Good taste in music. Yo La Tengo rocks.
—goodtimes10
Ac3_R0ck0lla
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 7:19 PM
damn i beat it like 5 times today then had sex with my beezie another 3 times all in all i say a little light !
—Ac3_R0ck0lla
smaller hands
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 7:54 PMEdited Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 7:55 PM
Oh, well in that case...I believe he's lying.
Also, sex doesn't count as masturbation. What an idiot!
—smaller hands
anobody
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 7:57 PM
Yeah - he probably just had sex eight times and was trying to pawn five of them off as masturbation.
The fuckin liar!
—anobody
Ac3_R0ck0lla
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 8:11 PM
lol yeah i was kidding i only beat it like once a day haha i was bored and wanted to post sorry I NEED MY BIG BLACK COCK AGAIN !
—Ac3_R0ck0lla
anobody
+
Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 8:17 PM
OK - lemme pull it out for ya -
—anobody
