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Christianguy77 |
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Tuesday, March 9, 2004 at 11:36 PM Hi, I'm Cory. I"m 20 years old from Washington State. I have a tendency to expect qualities of past girlfriends to show up in the next girlfriends. As a result, I chase them away because I don't trust them and expect to be cheated on just as I had been in the past. I also have a problem with not being myself when I first meet girls because I don't have the confidence that they'll like me. Seeing as how I haven't had many girlfriends, how could I fix these problems? Cory —Christianguy77 |
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NJC |
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004 at 6:57 AM If you find out, let me know!
I sometimes feel that way too and its bad times. I mean I guess the answer is just to have more confidence and to not assume the girl isn't trustworthy. But how to actually do that, I haven't figured that out yet. —NJC |
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steve |
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004 at 11:34 AM The problem lies in the observer and not the object observed -- meaning, you're unconsciously attracted to girls who cheat. This is the guy-version of the girl who calls the show and says, "All of my boyfriends tend to be abusive." Her problem is not that she miraculously manages to stumble onto these abusive guys -- Her problem is that she unconsciously seeks out abusive guys. (Which is usually because her father was an abusive prick.) You've gotta take a look at yourself and figure out why you're only attracted to cheating girls. Are you a 'fixer'? Do you like to take in chaotic girls and try to nurse them back to health? Or, is it your insecurity that drives them away? It's possible that you don't feel like you deserve these girls and hence, make a point to chase them off. The fact that you find yourself in this vicious circle seems to suggest the latter -- You don't feel like you're good enough to date these girls and so you do everything within your power to ensure that they don't have to "endure a relationship with you". You've gotta stop externalizing your self-esteem -- i.e.: basing it on things like "people like me" or "I have money or a good job" or "I look good". Self-worth has to come from you and only you -- and amazingly enough, once you start liking yourself, so will everyone else. Once you feel worthy of a healthy relationship, you'll miraculously have one. —steve |
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Mierk |
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004 at 10:27 PM Wow, that sounds pretty much 100% like me. I've been thinking about this lately, how this is the male version of the girl who only picks abusive guys, like Steve said. I'm not sure whether it's a family background thing like it seems to be for girls who pick the wrong guys, or whether it's more of a personality thing, or more likely some combination of both. I sure wish I could figure it out and fix it for myself, that's for sure. :/ —Mierk |
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ZT |
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Thursday, March 11, 2004 at 1:50 AM Well, when you're desperate, you always end up with or "pick" semi-screwed up girls. The thing to do is improve your hand. Try to take as many opportunities as you can to be in social situations, and learn from how other people behave in them. Start doing something interesting in your life, that doesn't directly involve computers or sci-fi. Make some money. Buy some niggers. Chicks will dig you. —ZT |
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Mierk |
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Thursday, March 11, 2004 at 10:25 PM You almost had me until the end. Dumbass. Sorry, I find no humor whatsoever in using that word, and it has nothing to do with being PC or not. —Mierk |
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Azzgunther |
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Thursday, March 11, 2004 at 11:44 PM Great advice from a few of you. I ALSO have been feeling the way Cory does, and am the same age. My solution (which I'm currently trying to apply) is to get out more than I had been, as ZT said. Even if it's uncomfortable at first, you DO get used to it and then you magically start thinking of things to say. Just chill and listen and add what little you can for a few months, meet new girls, and then it'll just happen without you planning it out. Making plans, as Carolla says, is the first step to disaster. Just let things happen, and be somewhere where they can happen. —Azzgunther |
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