Monday, August 4, 2003 at 9:17 PM As I promised, here's the first of what's probably gonna be many transcripts of Adam Corolla rants that I plan to post here. If I see it gets a good reception, I'll add in more. I'm gonna start with a few short ones -- there's quite a few lengthy ones here -- throughout the week, and then a weekly thing. Anyway, here we go. In this one, Adam was talking about houses and how big they should be. Note: I'm sorry this is in all caps, but that's how I wrote them and that's how I copy' em, I ain't gonna type that shit again so if it hurts your eyes, turn on the lights and stick a Phillips screwdriver in' em (it works for me every time). Enjoy. I SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY AT SANTA BARBARA AT IVAN RIGHTMAN'S PALATIO STATE. OPRAH BOUGHT A PLACE DOWN THE STREET, OR AROUND THE CORNER, MANY ACRES. OPRAH'S PLACE COST HER $51 MILLION, 51, AND THIS PLACE IS BETTER. WELL, I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW MUCH BETTER BECAUSE MY MIND SHUTS OFF AT ABOUT $450 GRAND, I CAN'T CONCEIVE OF HOUSES BEING MORE THAN, UH, $700,000. IS IT WORTH THE EXTRA EFFORT. YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA ASK YOURSELF, DO YOU NEED AN AMPHITHEATRE ON YOUR PROPERTY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? DO YOU WANT TO OPEN A DOOR AND LOOK OUT AND NOT SEE ANYTHING BUT WHAT IS YOURS, KING OF ALL YOUR SURVEYING? AND THEN THE OCEAN. THIS IS ABOUT 30 OR 40 ACRES. THINK ABOUT WHAT AN ACRE GOES FOR UP ON THAT HILL SIDE. HOLY CHRIST, I MEAN, THERE'S NICE HOUSES, THERE'S MANSIONS, AND THEN THERE'S THIS, THERE'S THIS, USING A GOLF CART TO GET AROUND THE GROUNDS, PEOPLE WORK IN A P -- NOT PONDS, LAKES. I MEAN, IT'S JUST CRAZY, CRAZY. I GOT BACK TO MY HOUSE, I TOOK A DUMP ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR. I SAID, "YOU MAKE ME SICK HOUSE, YOU CALL YOURSELF A HOUSE?" THIS IS SQUALLER I'M LIVING IN. REALLY, I WAS DRIVING BACK AND I WAS THINKING HOW MISERABLE AM I GONNA BE WHEN GET BACK TO MY CRAPPY HOUSE, AND I LIVE IN A NICE HOUSE. IT'S NOT EVEN A HOUSE, I LIVE IN A GARDENING SHED NOW, AND YOU PEOPLE LIVE IN A BOX THAT MATCHES ARE KEPT IN. REALLY, I WAS MISERABLE WHEN I GOT HOME. I WAS WATERING MY LAWN, I WAS CRYING, I WAS WATERING IT WITH TEARS, AND URINE.
—Highway 66 |
