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Sunday, May 1, 2005

10:05 pm:

Anderson arrived at work with an abrasion on his forehead and a cut on the bridge of his nose. Obviously, I'm consumed with curiosity. But here's the thing about the mysterious Anderson: you can't show any direct interest in his life or anything he does. You have to feign disinterest, at least at first. Like, if he showed up to work with a cat stapled to his neck, I'd have to pretend not to notice, or at least pretend not to care. Then, about 90 minutes into the show, casually ask (without looking at him), "So... a cat, huh?"

10:44 pm:

Some interesting calls tonight, but the big winner may be sitting on hold: a 16 year old girl who turned her dad into the cops for having kiddie porn on his computer! Fascinating.

11:04 pm:

A girl caller says she "cums" but can't "orgasm." Can we get an official decree as to the words "cum" and "orgasm?" And climax? Aren't they all the same thing? If something comes out, it's "ejaculating." "Cum" (n) is the actual semen. These things bother me.

11:05 pm:

God, I hope my mother doesn't know about this blog.

11:33 pm:

Who knew there were females under the age of 45 named Carol?

11:47 pm:

Long story short: Anderson's injuries are due (in part) to a bar, a dog, and an open door. Case solved.

11:48 pm:

Poor Melissa, on hold for 115 minutes. I hope they get to Steve-- he can't get it up when he's trying to cheat on his girlfriend.

Monday, May 2, 2005

10:43 pm:

You'll notice that the first entry tonight comes 43 minutes into the show. That's because Drew and Adam (mainly Drew) have been mowing down the callers fast and furiously tonight. I get the feeling that if it were up to Drew, they'd take about 3 callers per minute. Keep in mind that we've been running with one phone screener (who's usually drunk) for over a year now. Conversely, when Adam's in the studio and Drew's on the road, we average about 3 callers an hour. It's like a leisurely stroll versus a mad dash.

10:57 pm:

I'm not entirely sure what constitutes a "finger-poppin' call." There seems to be a thin (and ever-shifting) line between finger-poppin' calls and "jack-off calls." It's weird; one night I'll get a request for more crazy, goofy calls, then the next night they kvetch about all our jack off callers. I dunno.

11:23 pm:

Mercifully, nobody has called asking for the number to Drew's show. There's nothing worse on an especially busy night than to have to repeat a phone number ad nauseum. In case you want it, the number is 213-833-6469.

11:27 pm:

What is it about Corn Nuts that makes them smell unnaturally bad? Like, for their size and composition, you'd never guess they smelled so awful. They can be smelled across the room! Why is that the case when, say, walnuts have almost no odor? One of nature's true mysteries.

11:49 pm:

You rarely see girls with large breasts playing college-level competitive sports. Sadly.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

10:05 pm:

A female caller (with a very distinctive name) asked to go on under a different name. The name she chose? If you didn't guess "Sarah," well... you don't listen to Loveline.

10:30 pm:

DREW: [on-air] I'm hoping for some different calls.

In what other business-- nay, industry-- does this happen? Imagine you're in a board meeting, and one of the execs asks your boss which of your proposals they will be discussing next. He says, "I don't know, I'm hoping for some different proposals." With you sitting right there! How insanely out-of-left-field would that seem? Bizarrely passive-aggressive.

11:04 pm:

Red letter day in Loveline history: Drew and Adam asked for a male caller! This is literally the first time I've been asked to get a male caller-- compared with dozens of times I've been asked (told) "No more guys tonight!" This is usually uttered 10 minutes into the show, by the way.

11:49 pm:

Sorry again for the low number of updates... busy night. Drew likes 'em fast & furious. Good callers here at the end of the show though. I'll write more on a slower night.

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

10:14 pm:

Ugh. Rough start to the show. We come out of the gate 25 seconds late (which apparently is a lot in radio), then Adam inadvertently hangs up on 2 callers. Yeesh.

10:25 pm:

I don't know what's weirder: A girl who eats dirt or the fact that Drew was totally nonplussed about it. He didn't even skip a beat! She might as well have been complaining about a runny nose. Bizarre.

11:17 pm:

Turns out that Adam's hang-ups weren't accidental after all. They didn't like a couple calls, so they hung up on them. To illustrate my point, let me throw out a real-world example:

Employee: Hey boss, did you get those reports I submitted to you? I noticed they weren't on your desk any more.

Boss: Yeah, I tossed them out.

Employee: Oh. Were you going to tell me, or just let me figure it out on my own?

Boss: Nah, I didn't see fit to mention it to you.

Employee: Any suggestions on how to improve them next time? You know, so you won't toss them out surreptitiously?

Boss: Not really, no.

11:48 pm:

Only three entries tonight. Bad times.

Thursday, May 5, 2005

10:02 pm:

Happy Cinco de Mayo! How am I celebrating? Sitting here, staring at Anderson's sour puss. ¡Ay!

10:36 pm:

Does Adam really think Hugh Grant is "one of today's heart throbs?" Sean Penn?! What planet is he living on? How about C. Thomas Howell? Tim Robbins? Jean Reno?

11:03 pm:

The best thing about Thursday nights at Loveline? HBO's "Real Sex" at 11 pm! Woo! Boobs for an hour! Actually, it's kind of a bait-and-switch; there are just as many dicks as tits on that show. Like girls even watch it. And why do they play the same god damn episodes every two weeks?! The fact that I'm watching "Real Sex 28" would imply that there are (at least) 28 episodes in the series, but all I ever see is Puppetry of the Penis and food fetishes. Oh, and FAT, OLD, WRINKLED PEOPLE AT SEX CAMP. I'm no longer excited about "Real Sex."

11:06 pm:

There's a girl on hold named Chauncey. I feel bad for guys named Chauncey. Tough break, sweetheart.

11:46 pm:

I hate when a really good call comes through right before the end of the show. They usually never get to it. For example, there's an escort on hold right now... interesting stuff! Hope they take it.

11:49 pm:

We have one girl on the air named Summer and another on hold named Autumn! These things amuse me.

Sunday, May 8, 2005

10:22 pm:

Laughed out loud at Adam's "I've got a life to lead!" comment. Good times.

10:33 pm:

Admittedly, I don't know too much about Taking Back Sunday, but their fans-- or at least the ones who call in-- have the most inane questions. I just rejected a guy (!) who wanted to know why one of the band members cut his hair. Seriously.

11:11 pm:

Make that two callers who want to know about the guy cutting his hair. Apparently this is big news in TBS Land. My curiosity is piqued. One more call about this and I might have to consider putting it on. And yes, I know it would elicit a "WHOOOOO CARES?!" drop from Anderson.

11:34 pm:

There aren't a lot of TV shows that you can really enjoy sans sound. Right now, Anderson and I are treating ourselves to HBO's "Autopsy." LOTS of lingering shots of bloody/eyeless faces. Other great soundless shows include MXC, Max X, Real Sex (sometimes-- see last Thursday's entry), and The Simpsons (but only because Anderson and I usually know all the plots/lines anyway).

11:51 pm:

Poor Chris takes a lot of abuse on this show, so let me just say this: I worked with the guy briefly a couple years back, and he's a genuinely nice fella. Good people.

Monday, May 9, 2005

10:01 pm:

We have a female caller (named Angel-- good times already) who had a routine "Am I pregnant?" question. But then a baby started screaming in the background. Who's that? "My kid." Where's the dad? "I don't know." Where's the dad of this new kid? "In jail." Is he your boyfriend? "Nope, my f--- buddy." AWESOME.

10:39 pm:

It's interesting how our calls (the subjects) sometimes reflect what's in the cultural ether. Drew's favorite example is the series of callers asking about "milking the prostate" after "Road Trip" came out. I'm starting to notice an increase in the number of callers asking about interventions-- brought on, I'd imagine, by the "Intervention" TV show. I'll be interested to see if this trend continues.

11:24 pm:

I can't believe Drew and Adam were actually arguing over whether to take Angel's call or not! First of all, Adam arguing for anything having to do with the content of the show is shocking in itself. But this is a slam-dunk call! Interesting, slightly bizarre, oblivious... I dunno.

11:25 pm:

Producer Ann just declared a moratorium on pregnancy calls. Her exact (and only) words were "No more pregnancy calls." End of conversation.

11:52 pm:

Rough night, but Kayla here made it all worth it. Comically stupid. "I did real well on my GEDs, so I'm going to college!" Splendid!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

9:52 pm:

Good lineup of calls so far tonight! I should knock on wood... we have a girl who's anus itches from having sex "in the butt" with her boyfriend; a girl with a sharp pain in her clit; a military jarhead who's pissed at Drew's (funny) comment about military recruiting last night (he's too stupid to realize he's calling 24 hours after the show aired... his comment to me was "Drew just pissed a lot of people off"... I contend Drew made just as many people laugh their asses off-- including me); a bisexual 17 year old; and of course, a girl with D-cups. Let's hope they all make it.

10:23 pm:

With this show, nothing goes as planned. The D-cup girl never answered, and Drew and Adam rejected the bi chick before the show ever started.

11:03 pm:

I like the child abuse analogy. Here's a comparison nobody ever makes: You'd be insane to leave your kid with an abused, alcoholic babysitter, but as soon as that same babysitter wants to have a kid, people freak out if you suggest they not get pregnant. Why is one a common sense thing while the other is a civil liberties issue?

11:48 pm:

Nice shout-out for TLC. Well played.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

10:24 pm:

Not much to say so far. Decent callers. Oh-- it's Anderson's birthday! Sadly, he showed up to work sober (as far as I can tell). That's actually good news for me, personally-- Anderson can be quite abusive when he's wasted.

10:52 pm:

Drew and Adam have developed this bizarre passive-aggressive habit of simply hanging up on the calls they dislike-- without warning. But from our end, it looks exactly the same as if the callers themselves just hang up or get disconnected-- which happens a lot. So without any communication between us, there's no way to tell if D&A are the ones doing this. So when the caller calls back and says (legitimately confused), "I just got disconnected," of course I'm going to put them back up-- for all I know, it could have been their phone! So now there's this freakish passive-aggressive cycle being perpetuated where D&A hang up on the callers (but don't say anything about it) and I put them back up (thinking they innocently got disconnected). 90% of the problem, of course, is being in different studios. It's amazing how much more easily coworkers can communicate when they work in the same building.

11:39 pm:

I wasn't aware that Adam had tried meth, let alone more than once. Interesting.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

10:07 pm:

This might be a short entry tonight; Anderson is training a temporary replacement for when he goes on vacation, and the new guy is actually physically blocking my path to the computer I normally type on. I say "type on" and not "use" because ALL I CAN DO ON IT IS TYPE INTO A WORD PROCESSING SOFTWARE. They disable the internet after hours. Reason #1,058 that this building is a totally worthless shithole. So: no computer access + new guy in my way + having to wake up tomorrow (Friday the 13th) at 6:30 am = bad, bad times.

10:55 pm:

Ugh. Not a good way to close out the week. I'll apologize in advance for the lack of this entry's quality/frequency.

11:37 pm:

I don't know if these boxers are decent guests, or if it just seems that way because there's two of them. By the way, I legitimately did not know that we had two guests until 37 minutes into the show.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

10:29 pm:

Bryan's Blog will return in it's normal form tomorrow night-- Anderson's still training his new guy. As far as tonight's show goes, take the confusion you heard on the air for the first 20 minutes and triple it, and you've got an idea of what's going on over here. Mass hysteria. Anderson calling New York AND the Westwood One engineer (who is at home-- nobody is actually here on site to help their nationally-syndicated radio show, mind you), Drew calling us ("Can you hear me?"), Producer Ann calling us ("What happened?"), etc. Pure chaos.

10:34 pm:

Everything seems to have returned to normal. I apologize for the frequency/quality of these entries tonight, but the difference between three feet (my normal typing machine) and the next room (the one I'm on now) is pretty significant. But I'm not upset. Why? Because I saw Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith today! Woo! It was pretty good. Far and away the best of the prequels. Admittedly, that's not saying much, but still. Lots of good, sustained battle sequences. And the light saber battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan was all it was cracked up to be. Epic. Yeah, I'm a dork. What of it?

Monday, May 16, 2005

No blog tonight... The new guy hijacked the typing machine I normally use and I couldn't get to the other computer to make any entries. Which sucks, because there were some interesting calls tonight. You should have heard me laugh out loud when the girl told me about her mom listening to the tales of her sexcapades while she was on the phone with us 2 years ago.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

10:18 pm:

Yeah! The Blog is back. It's funny-- I took a call last night from a girl who said, "By the way, I like your blog." I didn't have the heart to tell her there would be no blog last night. But the typing machine is wide open, so I'll try to file some entries throughout tonight's show.

10:21 pm:

Crazy start to tonight's show, mostly concerning audio problems. You know it's bad when you're getting messages on your cell phone from your friends saying, "Something's wrong with your show, dude."

10:30 pm:

Re: Adam's decision to dump Journey as the band he tells people is his favorite: That's a smart move anyway, buddy.

10:43 pm:

The name Greta strikes me as a name that could be either super hot or hideously ugly. No middle ground there. The hot version is an exotic German tennis player; the ugly version is a college student from Minnesota (sorry, Greta).

11:12 pm:

My hunch is that a lot more girls fantasize about girls when they're masturbating than will admit it. Especially when they're drunk.

11:30 pm:

My "Sarah is the most popular fake name amongst the Loveline callers" theory is gaining steam. After a girl caller told me her name, she said, "Wait! Can I please use a fake name instead?" Sure. The name she chose? "Oh, I dunno... Sarah."

11:45 pm:

Tonight's band has kind of a cool, funky sound-- not something I'd normally associate with a band out of Liverpool. I like the bumper we use of them.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

9:59 pm:

I was so excited for today's show... until I saw it was Wednesday. Damn. I thought (hoped?) it was Thursday.

10:01 pm:

Tonight's band, Alkaline Trio, has that sort of "Who?" factor about them-- except when you run across the randomly HUGE Alkaline Trio fan who FREAKS OUT when they hear the band's coming on the show.

10:03 pm:

Funny story: A guy called in before the show started with a painfully obvious fake call. He claimed his girlfriend wanted a golden shower. The reason? "She said her dad did it to her, and now she wants it from me." A good way to bust fake callers is to ask the most simple, plain question and let them try to fill in the blanks. Someone who's telling the truth (or a very well-executed fake call) will have vivid details, whereas the fake caller will usually flame out pretty quickly. So I simply asked this guy "And..?" His response: "And, she... had an asshole the size of a mason jar!" He said this... TO ME. The call screener. Needless to say, I laughed heartily and genuinely.

10:13 pm:

For what it's worth, I didn't believe Amber either when she called in. I think it's her cadence. But I couldn't bust her, and it is an interesting subject, if true.

10:32 pm:

I know girls who say they don't mind (or even like) bigger guys, but my theory is that when it comes to guys, personality trumps all. More specifically, charisma. If you're a charismatic guy with a sharp personality, you can pull chicks just fine. I had a buddy in college who was (at one point) dating three girls at once (unbeknownst to them). This was not a traditionally good-looking guy. In fact, he wasn't a non-traditionally good looking guy. Kinda doughy, with an annoying midwestern accent. But he was Mr. Personality-- very outgoing and charming, and he pulled chicks accordingly.

11:15 pm:

We're getting an interesting variety of calls tonight. Lots of subjects/problems we haven't touched on in a while. Torn anuses, yellow eyes, and surgically widened urethras are all on hold at the moment.

11:46 pm:

There's a cool show on A&E right now on the making of the original Star Wars trilogy. I'm finding it fascinating without sound, and I think I'm going to need to catch it during my two free hours a day. Also, a thought: George Lucas must be an unheralded hero in the dwarf community. He's like the Don King of little people. Who else has done more for midgets than him? P.T. Barnum? Please. Between the jawas, ewoks, and droids, he probably singlehandedly doubled the number of employed little people in Hollywood in a six-year span.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

10:03 pm:

There were a couple of very hostile callers prior to the show, one of whom kept calling and insisting I take his call about him being bipolar. I finally explained that we needed more upbeat calls, to which he replied, "WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!", and then hung up. He called back moments later and said, "So you need, what, upbeat calls? What's that?" I told him funny, entertaining calls. "Oh, I got tons of those. I'll call you back." And hung up again. What a way to start a Thursday night.

10:21 pm:

An interesting development-- I'm losing my voice. Quite rapidly, actually. Not a good thing for a call screener. Let's see how this plays out.

11:12 pm:

So, on the Loveline page on KROQ.com, there's a little (outdated) blurb that says something to the effect of "Sex. Drugs. Canker Sores. If you can catch it, we can talk about it." I read it again just yesterday and thought to myself, "When's the last time we took a call about canker sores? And in what circumstance would we ever take one?" Well, lo and behold, we get our first canker sore call tonight in god-knows-how-long. What's better, she's 16 and blowing a 19 year old guy. Hopefully they'll take it.

11:29 pm:

Here's a weird phenomenon I've picked up on in the time I've been here: When I ask callers where they're from, some will reply with just the city (usually a large metropolis or a city in southern California) or the city and state together. Sometimes a caller will give me just some random-ass city-- as if I know where their podunk town is. And a good 90% of them are from Washington. I'm not kidding. Either people from Washington think that everyone is familiar with every godawful town in the state, or they're idiots who think the show is broadcast out of Seattle.

11:44 pm:

Sweet irony: We, a radio show, can't play a song from our guest band because of anti-piracy technology used and developed by and for... radio stations. Nice work, geniuses.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

10:09 pm:

Tonight seems to be the Revenge of the Bogus Callers. Numerous giggling girls with muffled laughter in the background already. However, one bogus caller was so awesomely bad, I had to put him through. First of all, he lied about his age-- which always vexed me, by the way. Why lie about your age? It doesn't make any sense, unless it's crucial to your story. Otherwise, you're just confusing yourself more. Anyway, this kid claimed he ran (literally) into a pole and cracked one of his testicles. "So I went to my gynecologist," he says, "and he ran all the, uh... standard tests." I laughed and asked him who he went to see, thinking he had gotten confused in all the excitement. "My gynecologist," he repeated. Now here's my thinking: even though he's clearly lying-- in fact, because he's clearly lying-- D&A will actually get a kick out of his stupidity. And yes, I realize D&A will reject this kind of call 99 times out of 100. But I'm feeling lucky.

10:16 pm:

D&A still haven't taken him yet. I'm starting to lose faith. FWIW, here's my description of the call that's on the screen: "Making up an absurd lie; it's so bad, it's funny... give it a shot?" We'll see.

10:53 pm:

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NO! NO! NO! NO! GOD DAMN IT!! Stupid fucking Steven said "the doctor told me..." SON OF A BITCH!! The ENTIRE JOKE WAS PREDICATED ON HIM SAYING "GYNOCOLOGIST!" Not only did he not get busted as bogus, he got the satisfaction of getting one over on Adam and Drew. And WHAT IS UP WITH THEM? How could they not pick up on the fact that it was bogus?? I even typed it onto the screen. Furthermore, I entered "Ask him what kind of doctor he went to!!!" ON THE SCREEN AS THEY WERE TALKING TO HIM. I cannot win. I CAN NOT WIN.

11:03 pm:

I'm so consumed with rage right now, I can't begin to express it in words. It's bad enough that the joke didn't work; the worst part is that a jack-off lying a-hole like Steven gets to brag to his acne-ridden friends that he got a fake call on Loveline. The thought makes me ill.

11:42 pm:

To add insult to (comic) injury, I'm being harassed by a caller who couldn't get his call on the air. He claimed his penis was bleeding, I told him to see his doctor. He called back and said (something to the effect of), "A-HA! I called with a medical emergency, and you told me to see my doctor instead of taking my call. I'm reporting you to the California Board of Something-or-Other, and you could lose your show and your job..." etc. He also dropped in that I was a horrible person for only taking girls' calls. He called back again later, claiming that he was recording all of our conversations. "Please challenge me on this!" he cried. "PLEASE!" On a serious note, I know this probably seems like a fantastic job-- and it is, for the most part-- but dealing with people like this is a fate no person should be saddled with. Seriously, can you imagine how much caller ID would help me at a job like this?

11:46 pm:

One final note: I'm just now catching up on the weekend message board activity after a weekend in Mexico. Yes, I meant that 90% of the callers who reference their random towns are from Washington-- not 90% of our general caller pool. Thanks for pointing that out. In true blogger style, I write on the fly-- very little editing. Sorry for the confusion.

Monday, May 23, 2005

10:03 pm:

Anderson's back! Be on the lookout for increased drops, excessive anger, disrespectful attitude toward our hosts... everything you've come to expect from the Liberace of the Potentiometers.

10:35 pm:

Anderson is clearly rusty after a week of sun, beer, and heroin in Puerto Vallarta. Again, in order to get the full story of Anderson's vacation, I need to play it cool and pretend like I don't care. Then I have to casually drop into the conversation, "So... Mexico, huh?"

10:42 pm:

Add poker to the list of programs that you can watch and enjoy without sound. Actually, any sporting event is fairly obvious, but poker seems even better without the inane droning of the "announcers" in the background. Did you know that these guys often lay down their voice-overs after the tournament is over? Talk about a layup of a gig.

11:41 pm:

Liz's husband is a chef. There's actually a difference between a chef and a cook. They are actually quite different, in terms of the restaurant world.

11:49 pm:

Apparently there will be a new addition to the Loveline family tomorrow. Anderson tells me a new screener will be here for training. I'm praying this works out. How nice would it be to not have to get down on my knees and beg Anderson to cover for me when I need a night off? More details to follow.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

10:03 pm:

For the record, I've never taken a call on furries.

11:55 pm:

No entries tonight... I was helping train the newest member of the Loveline family, Patricia the call screener. Plus, Jr (6.02 X 10 23rd) Producer Lauren was in studio, and it might have looked... odd... if I was rolling my chair over to my typing machine every 15 minutes. I'll be back tomorrow (hopefully) with a heaping helping of blog. 'Til then...

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

10:26 pm:

I have a feeling the entries will be few and far between for a couple days here as I help train Patricia. She's good people and will hopefully make a solid addition to the team. As for "training my replacement" (as some of the forum posters have suggested), believe me, I've been expecting the axe to fall for months now. You guys should start a pool on when I'll get canned. Each person takes a week.

10:29 pm:

I just realized: between 8:55 am and 12:15 am, all I'll have done is worked, eaten, and driven around Los Angeles. Unbelievable.

10:33 pm:

LOL-- Patricia asked me for a "tour" of Westwood One earlier. I laughed as I showed her one crappy room after another. "Here's one shitty recording studio... here's another... this is a storage closet, I guess... yeah, I suppose they do need all those spare light bulbs..."

11:37 pm:

I don't know if any of you read Bill Simmons's columns on ESPN.com's Page 2, but he apparently loves "The Contender." Just one more reason I feel like I'm missing out on something by not watching that show. Not that I have any time to watch any TV ever, but still. I don't know too many people who watch it, but those who do LOVE it.

11:45 pm:

I literally forgot that we had a guest tonight until Adam mentioned it coming out of the break.

11:50 pm:

Decent show tonight. I was pleased with the calls.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

10:07 pm:

Aahhhh, Thursday. Already looking forward to the holiday weekend. But first things first: the continuing education of new call screener Patricia. She's a quick learner and eager to work hard. It's funny-- she mentioned today was her third day. I glanced at the (Radio Girls) calendar on the wall and realized I started here 3 years ago this month. Wow.

10:31 pm:

Another reason for my lack of productivity in terms of blog entries has to do with logistics: I can't physically get my chair around to the typing machine any more. This is an interesting problem, but one that I'm determined to find a solution to.

10:52 pm:

I like our guest (what little of him I've heard so far). Seems articulate and engaged-- two excellent qualities for a Loveline guest.

11:53 pm:

That's the week. Expect more blog entries as things calm down over here. In the meantime, have a safe holiday weekend.

Monday, May 30, 2005

10:17 pm:

Don't know if they'll get to this tonight, but apparently Adam finished his house (finally) and had a housewarming party this weekend. Does this mean the end of Ace's MRAC and the "TURN IT OFF!!" routine? We'll see.

10:42 pm:

LOL... our new screener just asked me, "Does Adam always go off on tangents like this?" I literally laughed out loud.

10:50 pm:

For the record, I only took Noelle's call because I knew Adam's reaction to her nonsensical answer would be funny-- and it was. The downside is that now ALL we're getting is girls calling in saying "I know stuff about World War Two!" and "I have the answer why girls don't know anything about World War Two"-- as if THE answer actually exists, by the way. How about this for a good question: why don't our female callers know when the joke is over?? Anyway, I'm paying the price now for what was a pretty funny call. Oh well-- small price to pay.

11:32 pm:

Adam's newly-minted lateness record has a shelf life of about 2 days, I'm afraid.

11:40 pm:

By the way, what does it say about the male callers who keep calling us and asking to talk to Adam about WWII planes? Not only can they not tell when the joke's over, they can't tell who the joke's about.

11:55 pm:

Big day tomorrow-- for me, anyway. New Oasis album hits the shelves. I'll be at Tower Records tomorrow morning to pick it up on the way to work. And yes, I'm a dork.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

10:12 pm:

We're still getting calls from girls (and guys) who want to name some WWII-era planes. Just when you think our callers can't surprise us any more...

10:27 pm:

A disturbing revelation uncovered last weekend: My dad loves Huell Howser. He finds him wildly entertaining. "He's just so... happy all the time!"

11:14 pm:

"Rocky III" just ended on TNT. A fine film to watch without the sound. A few observations about the "Rocky" series:

Rocky Balboa was apparently a 5'7" heavyweight champion.
LOVE the awkwardly-gay man-hug on the beach between Carl Weathers and Sly Stallone.
Speaking of which, Weathers-- an NFL player for the Oakland Raiders in the '70s-- was clearly dogging it so Stallone could beat him in that beach race. Painful to watch.
Little-known fact: Dolph Lundgren (Ivan Drago from "Rocky IV") was a Fulbright Scholar in college!

11:38 pm:

And speaking of gay, Anderson and I are both wearing pedometers these days. Whereas this is my first day wearing one, Anderson's apparently been wearing his for months. I'm up to about 6500 steps today. If the internet worked on my typing machine, I'd look up the average number of steps for a 26 year old American male.

11:51 pm:

Whoa... Mr. T (aka Clubber Lang) is a guest on "The Simpsons." Eerie.

11:52 pm:

In case you were wondering, the new Oasis album is fantastic. I recommend you all buy it or download it. Legally.

10:05 pm:	Anderson arrived at work with an abrasion on his forehead and a cut on the bridge of his nose. Obviously, I'm consumed with curiosity. But here's the thing about the mysterious Anderson: you can't show any direct interest in his life or anything he does. You have to feign disinterest, at least at first. Like, if he showed up to work with a cat stapled to his neck, I'd have to pretend not to notice, or at least pretend not to care. Then, about 90 minutes into the show, casually ask (without looking at him), "So... a cat, huh?"
10:44 pm:	Some interesting calls tonight, but the big winner may be sitting on hold: a 16 year old girl who turned her dad into the cops for having kiddie porn on his computer! Fascinating.
11:04 pm:	A girl caller says she "cums" but can't "orgasm." Can we get an official decree as to the words "cum" and "orgasm?" And climax? Aren't they all the same thing? If something comes out, it's "ejaculating." "Cum" (n) is the actual semen. These things bother me.
11:05 pm:	God, I hope my mother doesn't know about this blog.
11:33 pm:	Who knew there were females under the age of 45 named Carol?
11:47 pm:	Long story short: Anderson's injuries are due (in part) to a bar, a dog, and an open door. Case solved.
11:48 pm:	Poor Melissa, on hold for 115 minutes. I hope they get to Steve-- he can't get it up when he's trying to cheat on his girlfriend.

10:43 pm:	You'll notice that the first entry tonight comes 43 minutes into the show. That's because Drew and Adam (mainly Drew) have been mowing down the callers fast and furiously tonight. I get the feeling that if it were up to Drew, they'd take about 3 callers per minute. Keep in mind that we've been running with one phone screener (who's usually drunk) for over a year now. Conversely, when Adam's in the studio and Drew's on the road, we average about 3 callers an hour. It's like a leisurely stroll versus a mad dash.
10:57 pm:	I'm not entirely sure what constitutes a "finger-poppin' call." There seems to be a thin (and ever-shifting) line between finger-poppin' calls and "jack-off calls." It's weird; one night I'll get a request for more crazy, goofy calls, then the next night they kvetch about all our jack off callers. I dunno.
11:23 pm:	Mercifully, nobody has called asking for the number to Drew's show. There's nothing worse on an especially busy night than to have to repeat a phone number ad nauseum. In case you want it, the number is 213-833-6469.
11:27 pm:	What is it about Corn Nuts that makes them smell unnaturally bad? Like, for their size and composition, you'd never guess they smelled so awful. They can be smelled across the room! Why is that the case when, say, walnuts have almost no odor? One of nature's true mysteries.
11:49 pm:	You rarely see girls with large breasts playing college-level competitive sports. Sadly.

10:05 pm:	A female caller (with a very distinctive name) asked to go on under a different name. The name she chose? If you didn't guess "Sarah," well... you don't listen to Loveline.
10:30 pm:	DREW: [on-air] I'm hoping for some different calls. In what other business-- nay, industry-- does this happen? Imagine you're in a board meeting, and one of the execs asks your boss which of your proposals they will be discussing next. He says, "I don't know, I'm hoping for some different proposals." With you sitting right there! How insanely out-of-left-field would that seem? Bizarrely passive-aggressive.
11:04 pm:	Red letter day in Loveline history: Drew and Adam asked for a male caller! This is literally the first time I've been asked to get a male caller-- compared with dozens of times I've been asked (told) "No more guys tonight!" This is usually uttered 10 minutes into the show, by the way.
11:49 pm:	Sorry again for the low number of updates... busy night. Drew likes 'em fast & furious. Good callers here at the end of the show though. I'll write more on a slower night.

10:14 pm:	Ugh. Rough start to the show. We come out of the gate 25 seconds late (which apparently is a lot in radio), then Adam inadvertently hangs up on 2 callers. Yeesh.
10:25 pm:	I don't know what's weirder: A girl who eats dirt or the fact that Drew was totally nonplussed about it. He didn't even skip a beat! She might as well have been complaining about a runny nose. Bizarre.
11:17 pm:	Turns out that Adam's hang-ups weren't accidental after all. They didn't like a couple calls, so they hung up on them. To illustrate my point, let me throw out a real-world example: Employee: Hey boss, did you get those reports I submitted to you? I noticed they weren't on your desk any more. Boss: Yeah, I tossed them out. Employee: Oh. Were you going to tell me, or just let me figure it out on my own? Boss: Nah, I didn't see fit to mention it to you. Employee: Any suggestions on how to improve them next time? You know, so you won't toss them out surreptitiously? Boss: Not really, no.
11:48 pm:	Only three entries tonight. Bad times.

10:02 pm:	Happy Cinco de Mayo! How am I celebrating? Sitting here, staring at Anderson's sour puss. ¡Ay!
10:36 pm:	Does Adam really think Hugh Grant is "one of today's heart throbs?" Sean Penn?! What planet is he living on? How about C. Thomas Howell? Tim Robbins? Jean Reno?
11:03 pm:	The best thing about Thursday nights at Loveline? HBO's "Real Sex" at 11 pm! Woo! Boobs for an hour! Actually, it's kind of a bait-and-switch; there are just as many dicks as tits on that show. Like girls even watch it. And why do they play the same god damn episodes every two weeks?! The fact that I'm watching "Real Sex 28" would imply that there are (at least) 28 episodes in the series, but all I ever see is Puppetry of the Penis and food fetishes. Oh, and FAT, OLD, WRINKLED PEOPLE AT SEX CAMP. I'm no longer excited about "Real Sex."
11:06 pm:	There's a girl on hold named Chauncey. I feel bad for guys named Chauncey. Tough break, sweetheart.
11:46 pm:	I hate when a really good call comes through right before the end of the show. They usually never get to it. For example, there's an escort on hold right now... interesting stuff! Hope they take it.
11:49 pm:	We have one girl on the air named Summer and another on hold named Autumn! These things amuse me.

10:22 pm:	Laughed out loud at Adam's "I've got a life to lead!" comment. Good times.
10:33 pm:	Admittedly, I don't know too much about Taking Back Sunday, but their fans-- or at least the ones who call in-- have the most inane questions. I just rejected a guy (!) who wanted to know why one of the band members cut his hair. Seriously.
11:11 pm:	Make that two callers who want to know about the guy cutting his hair. Apparently this is big news in TBS Land. My curiosity is piqued. One more call about this and I might have to consider putting it on. And yes, I know it would elicit a "WHOOOOO CARES?!" drop from Anderson.
11:34 pm:	There aren't a lot of TV shows that you can really enjoy sans sound. Right now, Anderson and I are treating ourselves to HBO's "Autopsy." LOTS of lingering shots of bloody/eyeless faces. Other great soundless shows include MXC, Max X, Real Sex (sometimes-- see last Thursday's entry), and The Simpsons (but only because Anderson and I usually know all the plots/lines anyway).
11:51 pm:	Poor Chris takes a lot of abuse on this show, so let me just say this: I worked with the guy briefly a couple years back, and he's a genuinely nice fella. Good people.

10:01 pm:	We have a female caller (named Angel-- good times already) who had a routine "Am I pregnant?" question. But then a baby started screaming in the background. Who's that? "My kid." Where's the dad? "I don't know." Where's the dad of this new kid? "In jail." Is he your boyfriend? "Nope, my f--- buddy." AWESOME.
10:39 pm:	It's interesting how our calls (the subjects) sometimes reflect what's in the cultural ether. Drew's favorite example is the series of callers asking about "milking the prostate" after "Road Trip" came out. I'm starting to notice an increase in the number of callers asking about interventions-- brought on, I'd imagine, by the "Intervention" TV show. I'll be interested to see if this trend continues.
11:24 pm:	I can't believe Drew and Adam were actually arguing over whether to take Angel's call or not! First of all, Adam arguing for anything having to do with the content of the show is shocking in itself. But this is a slam-dunk call! Interesting, slightly bizarre, oblivious... I dunno.
11:25 pm:	Producer Ann just declared a moratorium on pregnancy calls. Her exact (and only) words were "No more pregnancy calls." End of conversation.
11:52 pm:	Rough night, but Kayla here made it all worth it. Comically stupid. "I did real well on my GEDs, so I'm going to college!" Splendid!

9:52 pm:	Good lineup of calls so far tonight! I should knock on wood... we have a girl who's anus itches from having sex "in the butt" with her boyfriend; a girl with a sharp pain in her clit; a military jarhead who's pissed at Drew's (funny) comment about military recruiting last night (he's too stupid to realize he's calling 24 hours after the show aired... his comment to me was "Drew just pissed a lot of people off"... I contend Drew made just as many people laugh their asses off-- including me); a bisexual 17 year old; and of course, a girl with D-cups. Let's hope they all make it.
10:23 pm:	With this show, nothing goes as planned. The D-cup girl never answered, and Drew and Adam rejected the bi chick before the show ever started.
11:03 pm:	I like the child abuse analogy. Here's a comparison nobody ever makes: You'd be insane to leave your kid with an abused, alcoholic babysitter, but as soon as that same babysitter wants to have a kid, people freak out if you suggest they not get pregnant. Why is one a common sense thing while the other is a civil liberties issue?
11:48 pm:	Nice shout-out for TLC. Well played.

10:24 pm:	Not much to say so far. Decent callers. Oh-- it's Anderson's birthday! Sadly, he showed up to work sober (as far as I can tell). That's actually good news for me, personally-- Anderson can be quite abusive when he's wasted.
10:52 pm:	Drew and Adam have developed this bizarre passive-aggressive habit of simply hanging up on the calls they dislike-- without warning. But from our end, it looks exactly the same as if the callers themselves just hang up or get disconnected-- which happens a lot. So without any communication between us, there's no way to tell if D&A are the ones doing this. So when the caller calls back and says (legitimately confused), "I just got disconnected," of course I'm going to put them back up-- for all I know, it could have been their phone! So now there's this freakish passive-aggressive cycle being perpetuated where D&A hang up on the callers (but don't say anything about it) and I put them back up (thinking they innocently got disconnected). 90% of the problem, of course, is being in different studios. It's amazing how much more easily coworkers can communicate when they work in the same building.
11:39 pm:	I wasn't aware that Adam had tried meth, let alone more than once. Interesting.

10:07 pm:	This might be a short entry tonight; Anderson is training a temporary replacement for when he goes on vacation, and the new guy is actually physically blocking my path to the computer I normally type on. I say "type on" and not "use" because ALL I CAN DO ON IT IS TYPE INTO A WORD PROCESSING SOFTWARE. They disable the internet after hours. Reason #1,058 that this building is a totally worthless shithole. So: no computer access + new guy in my way + having to wake up tomorrow (Friday the 13th) at 6:30 am = bad, bad times.
10:55 pm:	Ugh. Not a good way to close out the week. I'll apologize in advance for the lack of this entry's quality/frequency.
11:37 pm:	I don't know if these boxers are decent guests, or if it just seems that way because there's two of them. By the way, I legitimately did not know that we had two guests until 37 minutes into the show.

10:18 pm:	Yeah! The Blog is back. It's funny-- I took a call last night from a girl who said, "By the way, I like your blog." I didn't have the heart to tell her there would be no blog last night. But the typing machine is wide open, so I'll try to file some entries throughout tonight's show.
10:21 pm:	Crazy start to tonight's show, mostly concerning audio problems. You know it's bad when you're getting messages on your cell phone from your friends saying, "Something's wrong with your show, dude."
10:30 pm:	Re: Adam's decision to dump Journey as the band he tells people is his favorite: That's a smart move anyway, buddy.
10:43 pm:	The name Greta strikes me as a name that could be either super hot or hideously ugly. No middle ground there. The hot version is an exotic German tennis player; the ugly version is a college student from Minnesota (sorry, Greta).
11:12 pm:	My hunch is that a lot more girls fantasize about girls when they're masturbating than will admit it. Especially when they're drunk.
11:30 pm:	My "Sarah is the most popular fake name amongst the Loveline callers" theory is gaining steam. After a girl caller told me her name, she said, "Wait! Can I please use a fake name instead?" Sure. The name she chose? "Oh, I dunno... Sarah."
11:45 pm:	Tonight's band has kind of a cool, funky sound-- not something I'd normally associate with a band out of Liverpool. I like the bumper we use of them.

9:59 pm:	I was so excited for today's show... until I saw it was Wednesday. Damn. I thought (hoped?) it was Thursday.
10:01 pm:	Tonight's band, Alkaline Trio, has that sort of "Who?" factor about them-- except when you run across the randomly HUGE Alkaline Trio fan who FREAKS OUT when they hear the band's coming on the show.
10:03 pm:	Funny story: A guy called in before the show started with a painfully obvious fake call. He claimed his girlfriend wanted a golden shower. The reason? "She said her dad did it to her, and now she wants it from me." A good way to bust fake callers is to ask the most simple, plain question and let them try to fill in the blanks. Someone who's telling the truth (or a very well-executed fake call) will have vivid details, whereas the fake caller will usually flame out pretty quickly. So I simply asked this guy "And..?" His response: "And, she... had an asshole the size of a mason jar!" He said this... TO ME. The call screener. Needless to say, I laughed heartily and genuinely.
10:13 pm:	For what it's worth, I didn't believe Amber either when she called in. I think it's her cadence. But I couldn't bust her, and it is an interesting subject, if true.
10:32 pm:	I know girls who say they don't mind (or even like) bigger guys, but my theory is that when it comes to guys, personality trumps all. More specifically, charisma. If you're a charismatic guy with a sharp personality, you can pull chicks just fine. I had a buddy in college who was (at one point) dating three girls at once (unbeknownst to them). This was not a traditionally good-looking guy. In fact, he wasn't a non-traditionally good looking guy. Kinda doughy, with an annoying midwestern accent. But he was Mr. Personality-- very outgoing and charming, and he pulled chicks accordingly.
11:15 pm:	We're getting an interesting variety of calls tonight. Lots of subjects/problems we haven't touched on in a while. Torn anuses, yellow eyes, and surgically widened urethras are all on hold at the moment.
11:46 pm:	There's a cool show on A&E right now on the making of the original Star Wars trilogy. I'm finding it fascinating without sound, and I think I'm going to need to catch it during my two free hours a day. Also, a thought: George Lucas must be an unheralded hero in the dwarf community. He's like the Don King of little people. Who else has done more for midgets than him? P.T. Barnum? Please. Between the jawas, ewoks, and droids, he probably singlehandedly doubled the number of employed little people in Hollywood in a six-year span.

10:03 pm:	There were a couple of very hostile callers prior to the show, one of whom kept calling and insisting I take his call about him being bipolar. I finally explained that we needed more upbeat calls, to which he replied, "WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!", and then hung up. He called back moments later and said, "So you need, what, upbeat calls? What's that?" I told him funny, entertaining calls. "Oh, I got tons of those. I'll call you back." And hung up again. What a way to start a Thursday night.
10:21 pm:	An interesting development-- I'm losing my voice. Quite rapidly, actually. Not a good thing for a call screener. Let's see how this plays out.
11:12 pm:	So, on the Loveline page on KROQ.com, there's a little (outdated) blurb that says something to the effect of "Sex. Drugs. Canker Sores. If you can catch it, we can talk about it." I read it again just yesterday and thought to myself, "When's the last time we took a call about canker sores? And in what circumstance would we ever take one?" Well, lo and behold, we get our first canker sore call tonight in god-knows-how-long. What's better, she's 16 and blowing a 19 year old guy. Hopefully they'll take it.
11:29 pm:	Here's a weird phenomenon I've picked up on in the time I've been here: When I ask callers where they're from, some will reply with just the city (usually a large metropolis or a city in southern California) or the city and state together. Sometimes a caller will give me just some random-ass city-- as if I know where their podunk town is. And a good 90% of them are from Washington. I'm not kidding. Either people from Washington think that everyone is familiar with every godawful town in the state, or they're idiots who think the show is broadcast out of Seattle.
11:44 pm:	Sweet irony: We, a radio show, can't play a song from our guest band because of anti-piracy technology used and developed by and for... radio stations. Nice work, geniuses.

10:09 pm:	Tonight seems to be the Revenge of the Bogus Callers. Numerous giggling girls with muffled laughter in the background already. However, one bogus caller was so awesomely bad, I had to put him through. First of all, he lied about his age-- which always vexed me, by the way. Why lie about your age? It doesn't make any sense, unless it's crucial to your story. Otherwise, you're just confusing yourself more. Anyway, this kid claimed he ran (literally) into a pole and cracked one of his testicles. "So I went to my gynecologist," he says, "and he ran all the, uh... standard tests." I laughed and asked him who he went to see, thinking he had gotten confused in all the excitement. "My gynecologist," he repeated. Now here's my thinking: even though he's clearly lying-- in fact, because he's clearly lying-- D&A will actually get a kick out of his stupidity. And yes, I realize D&A will reject this kind of call 99 times out of 100. But I'm feeling lucky.
10:16 pm:	D&A still haven't taken him yet. I'm starting to lose faith. FWIW, here's my description of the call that's on the screen: "Making up an absurd lie; it's so bad, it's funny... give it a shot?" We'll see.
10:53 pm:	NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NO! NO! NO! NO! GOD DAMN IT!! Stupid fucking Steven said "the doctor told me..." SON OF A BITCH!! The ENTIRE JOKE WAS PREDICATED ON HIM SAYING "GYNOCOLOGIST!" Not only did he not get busted as bogus, he got the satisfaction of getting one over on Adam and Drew. And WHAT IS UP WITH THEM? How could they not pick up on the fact that it was bogus?? I even typed it onto the screen. Furthermore, I entered "Ask him what kind of doctor he went to!!!" ON THE SCREEN AS THEY WERE TALKING TO HIM. I cannot win. I CAN NOT WIN.
11:03 pm:	I'm so consumed with rage right now, I can't begin to express it in words. It's bad enough that the joke didn't work; the worst part is that a jack-off lying a-hole like Steven gets to brag to his acne-ridden friends that he got a fake call on Loveline. The thought makes me ill.
11:42 pm:	To add insult to (comic) injury, I'm being harassed by a caller who couldn't get his call on the air. He claimed his penis was bleeding, I told him to see his doctor. He called back and said (something to the effect of), "A-HA! I called with a medical emergency, and you told me to see my doctor instead of taking my call. I'm reporting you to the California Board of Something-or-Other, and you could lose your show and your job..." etc. He also dropped in that I was a horrible person for only taking girls' calls. He called back again later, claiming that he was recording all of our conversations. "Please challenge me on this!" he cried. "PLEASE!" On a serious note, I know this probably seems like a fantastic job-- and it is, for the most part-- but dealing with people like this is a fate no person should be saddled with. Seriously, can you imagine how much caller ID would help me at a job like this?
11:46 pm:	One final note: I'm just now catching up on the weekend message board activity after a weekend in Mexico. Yes, I meant that 90% of the callers who reference their random towns are from Washington-- not 90% of our general caller pool. Thanks for pointing that out. In true blogger style, I write on the fly-- very little editing. Sorry for the confusion.

10:03 pm:	Anderson's back! Be on the lookout for increased drops, excessive anger, disrespectful attitude toward our hosts... everything you've come to expect from the Liberace of the Potentiometers.
10:35 pm:	Anderson is clearly rusty after a week of sun, beer, and heroin in Puerto Vallarta. Again, in order to get the full story of Anderson's vacation, I need to play it cool and pretend like I don't care. Then I have to casually drop into the conversation, "So... Mexico, huh?"
10:42 pm:	Add poker to the list of programs that you can watch and enjoy without sound. Actually, any sporting event is fairly obvious, but poker seems even better without the inane droning of the "announcers" in the background. Did you know that these guys often lay down their voice-overs after the tournament is over? Talk about a layup of a gig.
11:41 pm:	Liz's husband is a chef. There's actually a difference between a chef and a cook. They are actually quite different, in terms of the restaurant world.
11:49 pm:	Apparently there will be a new addition to the Loveline family tomorrow. Anderson tells me a new screener will be here for training. I'm praying this works out. How nice would it be to not have to get down on my knees and beg Anderson to cover for me when I need a night off? More details to follow.

10:03 pm:	For the record, I've never taken a call on furries.
11:55 pm:	No entries tonight... I was helping train the newest member of the Loveline family, Patricia the call screener. Plus, Jr (6.02 X 10 23rd) Producer Lauren was in studio, and it might have looked... odd... if I was rolling my chair over to my typing machine every 15 minutes. I'll be back tomorrow (hopefully) with a heaping helping of blog. 'Til then...

10:26 pm:	I have a feeling the entries will be few and far between for a couple days here as I help train Patricia. She's good people and will hopefully make a solid addition to the team. As for "training my replacement" (as some of the forum posters have suggested), believe me, I've been expecting the axe to fall for months now. You guys should start a pool on when I'll get canned. Each person takes a week.
10:29 pm:	I just realized: between 8:55 am and 12:15 am, all I'll have done is worked, eaten, and driven around Los Angeles. Unbelievable.
10:33 pm:	LOL-- Patricia asked me for a "tour" of Westwood One earlier. I laughed as I showed her one crappy room after another. "Here's one shitty recording studio... here's another... this is a storage closet, I guess... yeah, I suppose they do need all those spare light bulbs..."
11:37 pm:	I don't know if any of you read Bill Simmons's columns on ESPN.com's Page 2, but he apparently loves "The Contender." Just one more reason I feel like I'm missing out on something by not watching that show. Not that I have any time to watch any TV ever, but still. I don't know too many people who watch it, but those who do LOVE it.
11:45 pm:	I literally forgot that we had a guest tonight until Adam mentioned it coming out of the break.
11:50 pm:	Decent show tonight. I was pleased with the calls.

10:07 pm:	Aahhhh, Thursday. Already looking forward to the holiday weekend. But first things first: the continuing education of new call screener Patricia. She's a quick learner and eager to work hard. It's funny-- she mentioned today was her third day. I glanced at the (Radio Girls) calendar on the wall and realized I started here 3 years ago this month. Wow.
10:31 pm:	Another reason for my lack of productivity in terms of blog entries has to do with logistics: I can't physically get my chair around to the typing machine any more. This is an interesting problem, but one that I'm determined to find a solution to.
10:52 pm:	I like our guest (what little of him I've heard so far). Seems articulate and engaged-- two excellent qualities for a Loveline guest.
11:53 pm:	That's the week. Expect more blog entries as things calm down over here. In the meantime, have a safe holiday weekend.

10:17 pm:	Don't know if they'll get to this tonight, but apparently Adam finished his house (finally) and had a housewarming party this weekend. Does this mean the end of Ace's MRAC and the "TURN IT OFF!!" routine? We'll see.
10:42 pm:	LOL... our new screener just asked me, "Does Adam always go off on tangents like this?" I literally laughed out loud.
10:50 pm:	For the record, I only took Noelle's call because I knew Adam's reaction to her nonsensical answer would be funny-- and it was. The downside is that now ALL we're getting is girls calling in saying "I know stuff about World War Two!" and "I have the answer why girls don't know anything about World War Two"-- as if THE answer actually exists, by the way. How about this for a good question: why don't our female callers know when the joke is over?? Anyway, I'm paying the price now for what was a pretty funny call. Oh well-- small price to pay.
11:32 pm:	Adam's newly-minted lateness record has a shelf life of about 2 days, I'm afraid.
11:40 pm:	By the way, what does it say about the male callers who keep calling us and asking to talk to Adam about WWII planes? Not only can they not tell when the joke's over, they can't tell who the joke's about.
11:55 pm:	Big day tomorrow-- for me, anyway. New Oasis album hits the shelves. I'll be at Tower Records tomorrow morning to pick it up on the way to work. And yes, I'm a dork.

10:12 pm:	We're still getting calls from girls (and guys) who want to name some WWII-era planes. Just when you think our callers can't surprise us any more...
10:27 pm:	A disturbing revelation uncovered last weekend: My dad loves Huell Howser. He finds him wildly entertaining. "He's just so... happy all the time!"
11:14 pm:	"Rocky III" just ended on TNT. A fine film to watch without the sound. A few observations about the "Rocky" series: Rocky Balboa was apparently a 5'7" heavyweight champion. LOVE the awkwardly-gay man-hug on the beach between Carl Weathers and Sly Stallone. Speaking of which, Weathers-- an NFL player for the Oakland Raiders in the '70s-- was clearly dogging it so Stallone could beat him in that beach race. Painful to watch. Little-known fact: Dolph Lundgren (Ivan Drago from "Rocky IV") was a Fulbright Scholar in college!
11:38 pm:	And speaking of gay, Anderson and I are both wearing pedometers these days. Whereas this is my first day wearing one, Anderson's apparently been wearing his for months. I'm up to about 6500 steps today. If the internet worked on my typing machine, I'd look up the average number of steps for a 26 year old American male.
11:51 pm:	Whoa... Mr. T (aka Clubber Lang) is a guest on "The Simpsons." Eerie.
11:52 pm:	In case you were wondering, the new Oasis album is fantastic. I recommend you all buy it or download it. Legally.