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Monday, April 18, 2005

9:49 pm:

A caller asks to be put on hold so he can listen to the show. "I'm at work!" he says. We occasionally get callers asking to be put on hold so they can listen to the show, either because they're at work or because the show doesn't air in their area. On one hand, I admire their dedication to the show. On the other hand, I am filled with contempt at their inability to locate an online stream of the show or download episodes to a portable device and listen at their leisure. The caveat here is when their absolute favorite actor/band/etc is on and they absolutely have to listen tonight. However, unless this guy is a huge Rachel Harris fan, I'll continue to be contemptful.

9:54 pm:

Names of girls on hold include Cherish & Randy. Good times. Adam's theory about girls with guys' names being hot is dead-on, by the way. I'd say it has an 80% accuracy rate, minimum. I wonder if Randy's hot.

EDIT: Just looked, and Randy's 17. I no longer care if she's hot.

10:01 pm:

Rachel Harris, on the other hand, is smoking hot. The glasses thing works for, like, 1 out of 10 girls who wear them, and really works for about 1 out of 30. Rachel represents THE ONE.

10:27 pm:

Two more names of girls on hold: Nalu (her stripper alias) and Athena-- Greek goddess of... something. Damn. I used to be smart. I swear.

10:45 pm:

The best part about the housing discrimination PSA? It's the same guy doing all the ethnic accents.

11:48 pm:

First update since 10:45. Either nothing happened in the last hour, or this show isn't best-of material. I'm going with the latter.

11:51 pm:

Longest call still on hold: 25 year old guy who "likes to drink 8-10 beers on his days off." His wife is displeased. 123 minutes on hold. Bad times. Also on hold: a sex-deprived 24 year old housewife (in Phoenix... just 7 hours away!) and a 15 y/o kid who wants to pierce his penis.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

9:43 pm:

Time screening calls: 13 minutes. Calls currently on hold: 0. I'm considering taking a call from a 15 year old from Orange County who wants to safely enlarge his 3 inch penis. For the record, no 15 year old from O.C. who's ever called our show has been telling the truth. It's going to be a long night.

9:57 pm:

Ding! We have a winner: A 22 year old girl who wants to know if her painful poops are related to anal sex. Coupled with a 19 year old girl who uses a strap-on with her boyfriend, things are looking up in the caller department.

10:13 pm:

Erika Christianson is hot.

10:16 pm:

Adam (to Drew, re: an inattentive caller): "They want us to take callers, but you see what happens? One second, we're laughing it up, and now this."

Earth to Adam: THAT'S YOUR JOB! THEY PAY YOU A MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR TO TALK TO RETARDED STONERS. YOU CAN AFFORD TO PRETEND TO BE LAUGHING IT UP.

10:23 pm:

Girls who use strap-ons are not hot.

10:43 pm:

Caller Jordan (who has herpes) wants to know if she can blow her boyfriend (who also has herpes) after she got her wisdom teeth removed. When I got my wisdom teeth removed, all I did was eat orange sherbert and bleed.

11:01 pm:

The return of "Adam's Song!" AKA "Bleed American" by Jimmy Eat World. Incidentally, when I used to file request reports at KROQ, I would abbreviate Jimmy Eat World with "JEW." I wonder how Adam would react when he learned his song is performed by a band with the industry acronym of JEW.

11:06 pm:

If Erika Christianson offered to use a strap-on with me, would it be hot?

11:12 pm:

Adam's asides on mistaken words got me thinking-- we all have those phrases or sayings that we get wrong for waaay to long in our lives. I thought "for all intents and purposes" was "for all intensive purposes" until I was, like, 22. And yes, I was an English major.

11:38 pm:

Alexis, the accidental meth user, was on hold for 103 minutes before they took her call. I'm absolutely convinced that Drew picks one caller at the beginning of the night that he's going to intentionally haze by keeping them on hold for well over an hour and a half.

11:49 pm:

An unexpected drought leaves us with just one caller on hold going into the last segment. Luckily, Lisa, the would-be hooker, saves the day. This is pretty much the only time we'll let a 31 year old on the air, by the way.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

10:01 pm:

So apparently our guest tonight is... someone. From some show. Somewhere. Do you ever get the feeling that our kids are going to make fun of us for treating reality show contestants like celebrities?

"Who's that, daddy?"

"Her? She was famous back when daddy was younger."

"For what?"

"Well, she was on a 'reality show.' She won."

"So... she was on a TV show-- as herself-- and won... for being herself?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

10:23 pm:

I just had an insane laughing fit over Adam's "Does she sleep with her mouth open?" comment. Brilliant.

10:37 pm:

I rejected a "Germany or Florida" last week that I still wish I'd put on the air. Here's the transcript of the call:

Caller: I've got a great Germany or Florida for you.

Me: OK, let's hear it.

Caller: The Holocaust.

Me: [silence, waiting for more]

Caller: [silence, happily finished]

Me: [bemused laughter] "Sorry, can't do that one."

Although I may have gotten fired for putting that on the air, I still think about how funny it would have been, if only for a moment.

11:36 pm:

Tonight's longest call on hold: Joe from Denver. 106 minutes and counting. I'll never understand the thinking there. If you're going to get to it eventually, why not take the call right away? And THEN they have the gall to complain that the callers aren't alert and peppy when they go to them! THEY'RE DROWSY BECAUSE YOU'VE KEPT THEM ON HOLD FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF!

11:40 pm:

I just realized-- it's 4/20! Happy Pot Day, stoners! Among the best misconceptions I've heard about the origin/implications of "4/20": the police code for possession (nope), the day of the Waco siege (not true), the Oklahoma City bombing (wrong). Keep working on those half-baked (heh) theories though!

11:44 pm:

I just realized-- it's Hitler's birthday! Happy Hate Day, Neo Nazis!

11:52 pm:

Joe from Denver hung up after 2 hours on hold. Like any sensible person would.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

9:52 pm:

There's a caller on hold who claims to be a pathological liar. My question is:Should I believe her?

The good news is that she has a baby voice too. It's always nice to get a caller with multiple issues. Kind of like getting fouled when making a lay-up.

10:14 pm:

Adam: "Ah yes, Bryan-- the enemy of the big boob calls."

*sigh*

Why would I not want to take big boob calls? How do I benefit from that? What's in it for me? More abuse? I would like nothing more than to get ALL big boob calls! Big boob calls galore!

Oh, and one more thing:

Adam: "Who's screening calls tonight?"

WHO THE EFF DO YOU THINK?! THE SAME GUY WHO'S BEEN SCREENING CALLS FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS!

10:27 pm:

Actual transcript of my conversation with a caller:

Caller: I have giant boobs.

Me: Oh, thank Christ. How giant?

Caller: 32-G.

Me: G?!

Caller: Yep.

Me: 'G'-whiz!

Heh. [Pats self on back]

10:30 pm:

Adam: "You can't stop me from hating Bryan."

Ouch. Don't worry, though; he's just kidding. I think.

10:47 pm:

No additional big boob calls at the moment, but this shakeup seems to have alleviated the logjam of bland callers-- we have a girl asking about anal bleaching and a guy whose girlfriend has put on 60 pounds since they started dating.

11:00 pm:

"Loveline:Fastest-growing outlaw radio in North Americaaaaaaaaaaa!!"

For what it's worth, I like the Metallica bumper better than the JEW bumper.

11:29 pm:

Nancy, the pathological liar, has been on hold for 98 minutes. Still perplexed over the strategy here. Thoughts?

11:54 pm:

Getting a breast reduction "down" to a C-cup is kind of like going 2-for-5 at the plate and seeing your batting average go down. Life's good.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

10:01 pm:

Tonight's guest: Seth MacFarlane. As phone screener, this presents a good news/bad news situation for me. Good in the sense that I like Seth and he's a great guest; bad because all the "Family Guy" sploozers flood the lines with their absurdly inane and obscure questions about the show. I've already heard one too many "Is Stewie gay?" calls.

10:05 pm:

More good news: the big boob calls have spilled over into tonight's show. The bad news: the caller (who has DD's) is 13.

10:31 pm:

Tonight's entire blog could be "Rejected calls for Seth." Latest entry: Some girl wanted to ask Seth about some voice-overs he did for some commentary track on some obscure Family Guy DVD. In the words of Huell Howser, "Ooohhh, BOY. Now THIS is WONDERFUL."

11:05 pm:

LOVE the extended sax solo in the middle of the "Family Guy" theme song. And what the hell were the actors doing onstage during the 45-second instrumental? Dancing? Changing costumes? I need to know these things.

11:07 pm:

Funny coincidence: My ex-girlfriend's dad is a musician who played on several songs in the '70s, including "A Fifth of Beethoven" from the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack with... Walter Murphy. I met Walter a few years ago at his house in LA. He showed me his professional in-home studio and told me about this cartoon he had just started working on. The cartoon? "South Park." Just kidding. It was "Family Guy."

11:09 pm:

I most certainly did NOT use the word "E-soteric." I said "obscure" or something more derisive.

11:31 pm:

"How to Be a Voice-Over Actress 101," Lesson 1: NEVER refer to California as "Cali."

11:45 pm:

There's one every night: The caller with the "GoF" was on hold for 118 minutes.

Monday, April 25, 2005

10:07 pm:

What I want to know is: Which Simpsons characters did Alex Borstien read for when she auditioned? This is interesting stuff!

10:08 pm:

Horrible callers so far. It was a struggle to get a decent lineup ready to go. We'll see how this pans out.

10:17 pm:

Sam (or Jim, or whatever) represents everything I hate about Loveline callers-- nay, humanity.

I can't believe they're keeping him on hold, by the way. I want to hang up on this douche bag SO BADLY. If Sam "accidentally" drops off... you'll know why.

10:53 pm:

If there's any justice in this world, Sam will be tonight's caller who stays on hold for 120 minutes.

11:08 pm:

I could not hate Sam more. My contempt for him grows with each awful impression.

11:32 pm:

Sorry this blog is so short, but I haven't been able to get ahead on the calls tonight. Horrible calls. Example: the last guy who called wanted to ask Drew about his chronic knee infection. "Ohhh, BOY."

11:51 pm:

Ugh. Rough night. This last caller is the cream of the crop-- thank god she called, actually. Adam didn't go for my anal "breaching" follow-up. For what it's worth, I thought it would be funny to put someone on who had the wrong information. Guess not!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

10:12 pm:

Nothing interesting happening with the show at the moment, so let me address one thing: the "Radio Girls" calendar from SV's behind-the-scenes photo gallery. We need a calendar in our studio, and ever since Adam and Drew hightailed it out of here and into KROQ, we (Anderson and I) have become... less of a priority, let's say. So Westwood One-- to absolutely nobody's surprise-- doesn't buy a calendar for our studio (the Chargers calendar you see if from 2004). So I was shopping at the 99-cent store (which I do often) in February when I saw their rack (heh) of 99-cent calendars. I was about to buy "Adorable Kittens" or "Pacific Sunsets" when "Radio Girls" jumped out at me. Each month features a sexed-up female DJ from across the country. Seemed like a natural fit.

10:49 pm:

The callers I'm rejecting tonight are just boring-- not even interesting. A guy just called asking for alternatives to Sudafed because he has allergies. Kill me now.

11:16 pm:

Chances that anyone will ever hear of this band again? Let's put it this way: I'll take the under.

11:18 pm:

OOOHHHH! THE Nervous Return! Of course!

11:20 pm:

Anyone else remember how drunk Adam was the night he uttered "I know what the ladies like-- they like giving me oral"? I think that was after one of Jimmy Kimmel Live's practice shows. AWESOME drop, by the way. Still one of my favorites.

11:36 pm:

Sarah is the most common fake name amongst the Loveline callers. You can just tell when a girl is lying about her name too. 90% of the time, they haven't thought ahead to give a fake name in order to avoid public ridicule. So when I say, "What's your name?" they respond with, "Uhhh... Sarah." Riiiight.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

9:59 pm:

Drew's on the road tonight. This should be interesting. We're already having technical issues with the Zephyr. Seems like there are technical problems about 100% of the time when one of them is on the road, give or take 0%.

10:00 pm:

Drew's in Chicago, yet Loveline is not. Sweet irony.

10:14 pm:

Adam's in charge of the call board tonight. Whereas Drew applies a proprietary scientific formula (known only to him) to determine the call order, Adam does it more or less at random-- with the obvious exception of big boob calls taking precedence.

10:47 pm:

This reminds me of the last time we spent an entire segment on a song: "Lucretia MacEvil" by Blood, Sweat & Tears.

11:04 pm:

Drew: "What's that show where they... what is it... 'PUNK' you..?"

Oh. My. God.

11:47 pm:

Ace's Mexican Ranchero Accordion Countdown has definitely run its course. Time to put a bullet in that one. Whatever happened to gambling on callers? I remember them doing that before I even worked here. At least Germany or Florida changes each time with each new story.

11:50 pm:

The caller with C-cups has been on hold for 35 minutes. If Adam doesn't go to it before the show ends, I never want to hear him bitching about me not taking enough big boob calls.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

9:52 pm:

Actual conversation with a Loveline caller:

Me: Where are you calling from?

Mook: Benicia, California.

Me: Where is that?

Mook: California?

Me: No, you mook, I know where California is. Where's Benicia?

Mook: Uuuhhhh... it's, uh... in California?

Me: *click*

10:12 pm:

A caller called and complained because I wouldn't take his call about smoking. "It's interesting!" he insisted. True, but there's a lot more that goes into assembling a good lineup of calls. For instance, we don't like to have too many of one gender on the board-- this time, guys. As anyone who listens to this show knows, Adam and Drew hate our male callers. So, what may be a mildly amusing story gets flushed for reasons that aren't readily apparent.

10:43 pm:

Interesting story about Adam's fight. I can honestly say something I haven't said about this show in years: I have not heard this story before.

11:31 pm:

I kinda feel like I should be watching "The Contender." Carolla loves it, and Bill Simmons (ESPN.com) raves about it all the time. But with reality shows, you have to catch the first episode of the series or else forget it. You can't jump in during the middle of the season. And forget about watching the big finale if you haven't been watching the show up to that point.

11:54 pm:

Sorry for the low number of entries tonight; they ended up going through a lot more callers than usual. The guest was the best boxer we've had (which isn't saying much, but still...).

9:49 pm:	A caller asks to be put on hold so he can listen to the show. "I'm at work!" he says. We occasionally get callers asking to be put on hold so they can listen to the show, either because they're at work or because the show doesn't air in their area. On one hand, I admire their dedication to the show. On the other hand, I am filled with contempt at their inability to locate an online stream of the show or download episodes to a portable device and listen at their leisure. The caveat here is when their absolute favorite actor/band/etc is on and they absolutely have to listen tonight. However, unless this guy is a huge Rachel Harris fan, I'll continue to be contemptful.
9:54 pm:	Names of girls on hold include Cherish & Randy. Good times. Adam's theory about girls with guys' names being hot is dead-on, by the way. I'd say it has an 80% accuracy rate, minimum. I wonder if Randy's hot. EDIT: Just looked, and Randy's 17. I no longer care if she's hot.
10:01 pm:	Rachel Harris, on the other hand, is smoking hot. The glasses thing works for, like, 1 out of 10 girls who wear them, and really works for about 1 out of 30. Rachel represents THE ONE.
10:27 pm:	Two more names of girls on hold: Nalu (her stripper alias) and Athena-- Greek goddess of... something. Damn. I used to be smart. I swear.
10:45 pm:	The best part about the housing discrimination PSA? It's the same guy doing all the ethnic accents.
11:48 pm:	First update since 10:45. Either nothing happened in the last hour, or this show isn't best-of material. I'm going with the latter.
11:51 pm:	Longest call still on hold: 25 year old guy who "likes to drink 8-10 beers on his days off." His wife is displeased. 123 minutes on hold. Bad times. Also on hold: a sex-deprived 24 year old housewife (in Phoenix... just 7 hours away!) and a 15 y/o kid who wants to pierce his penis.

9:43 pm:	Time screening calls: 13 minutes. Calls currently on hold: 0. I'm considering taking a call from a 15 year old from Orange County who wants to safely enlarge his 3 inch penis. For the record, no 15 year old from O.C. who's ever called our show has been telling the truth. It's going to be a long night.
9:57 pm:	Ding! We have a winner: A 22 year old girl who wants to know if her painful poops are related to anal sex. Coupled with a 19 year old girl who uses a strap-on with her boyfriend, things are looking up in the caller department.
10:13 pm:	Erika Christianson is hot.
10:16 pm:	Adam (to Drew, re: an inattentive caller): "They want us to take callers, but you see what happens? One second, we're laughing it up, and now this." Earth to Adam: THAT'S YOUR JOB! THEY PAY YOU A MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR TO TALK TO RETARDED STONERS. YOU CAN AFFORD TO PRETEND TO BE LAUGHING IT UP.
10:23 pm:	Girls who use strap-ons are not hot.
10:43 pm:	Caller Jordan (who has herpes) wants to know if she can blow her boyfriend (who also has herpes) after she got her wisdom teeth removed. When I got my wisdom teeth removed, all I did was eat orange sherbert and bleed.
11:01 pm:	The return of "Adam's Song!" AKA "Bleed American" by Jimmy Eat World. Incidentally, when I used to file request reports at KROQ, I would abbreviate Jimmy Eat World with "JEW." I wonder how Adam would react when he learned his song is performed by a band with the industry acronym of JEW.
11:06 pm:	If Erika Christianson offered to use a strap-on with me, would it be hot?
11:12 pm:	Adam's asides on mistaken words got me thinking-- we all have those phrases or sayings that we get wrong for waaay to long in our lives. I thought "for all intents and purposes" was "for all intensive purposes" until I was, like, 22. And yes, I was an English major.
11:38 pm:	Alexis, the accidental meth user, was on hold for 103 minutes before they took her call. I'm absolutely convinced that Drew picks one caller at the beginning of the night that he's going to intentionally haze by keeping them on hold for well over an hour and a half.
11:49 pm:	An unexpected drought leaves us with just one caller on hold going into the last segment. Luckily, Lisa, the would-be hooker, saves the day. This is pretty much the only time we'll let a 31 year old on the air, by the way.

10:01 pm:	So apparently our guest tonight is... someone. From some show. Somewhere. Do you ever get the feeling that our kids are going to make fun of us for treating reality show contestants like celebrities? "Who's that, daddy?" "Her? She was famous back when daddy was younger." "For what?" "Well, she was on a 'reality show.' She won." "So... she was on a TV show-- as herself-- and won... for being herself?" "Yeah, pretty much."
10:23 pm:	I just had an insane laughing fit over Adam's "Does she sleep with her mouth open?" comment. Brilliant.
10:37 pm:	I rejected a "Germany or Florida" last week that I still wish I'd put on the air. Here's the transcript of the call: Caller: I've got a great Germany or Florida for you. Me: OK, let's hear it. Caller: The Holocaust. Me: [silence, waiting for more] Caller: [silence, happily finished] Me: [bemused laughter] "Sorry, can't do that one." Although I may have gotten fired for putting that on the air, I still think about how funny it would have been, if only for a moment.
11:36 pm:	Tonight's longest call on hold: Joe from Denver. 106 minutes and counting. I'll never understand the thinking there. If you're going to get to it eventually, why not take the call right away? And THEN they have the gall to complain that the callers aren't alert and peppy when they go to them! THEY'RE DROWSY BECAUSE YOU'VE KEPT THEM ON HOLD FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF!
11:40 pm:	I just realized-- it's 4/20! Happy Pot Day, stoners! Among the best misconceptions I've heard about the origin/implications of "4/20": the police code for possession (nope), the day of the Waco siege (not true), the Oklahoma City bombing (wrong). Keep working on those half-baked (heh) theories though!
11:44 pm:	I just realized-- it's Hitler's birthday! Happy Hate Day, Neo Nazis!
11:52 pm:	Joe from Denver hung up after 2 hours on hold. Like any sensible person would.

9:52 pm:	There's a caller on hold who claims to be a pathological liar. My question is:Should I believe her? The good news is that she has a baby voice too. It's always nice to get a caller with multiple issues. Kind of like getting fouled when making a lay-up.
10:14 pm:	Adam: "Ah yes, Bryan-- the enemy of the big boob calls." sigh Why would I not want to take big boob calls? How do I benefit from that? What's in it for me? More abuse? I would like nothing more than to get ALL big boob calls! Big boob calls galore! Oh, and one more thing: Adam: "Who's screening calls tonight?" WHO THE EFF DO YOU THINK?! THE SAME GUY WHO'S BEEN SCREENING CALLS FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS!
10:27 pm:	Actual transcript of my conversation with a caller: Caller: I have giant boobs. Me: Oh, thank Christ. How giant? Caller: 32-G. Me: G?! Caller: Yep. Me: 'G'-whiz! Heh. [Pats self on back]
10:30 pm:	Adam: "You can't stop me from hating Bryan." Ouch. Don't worry, though; he's just kidding. I think.
10:47 pm:	No additional big boob calls at the moment, but this shakeup seems to have alleviated the logjam of bland callers-- we have a girl asking about anal bleaching and a guy whose girlfriend has put on 60 pounds since they started dating.
11:00 pm:	"Loveline:Fastest-growing outlaw radio in North Americaaaaaaaaaaa!!" For what it's worth, I like the Metallica bumper better than the JEW bumper.
11:29 pm:	Nancy, the pathological liar, has been on hold for 98 minutes. Still perplexed over the strategy here. Thoughts?
11:54 pm:	Getting a breast reduction "down" to a C-cup is kind of like going 2-for-5 at the plate and seeing your batting average go down. Life's good.

10:01 pm:	Tonight's guest: Seth MacFarlane. As phone screener, this presents a good news/bad news situation for me. Good in the sense that I like Seth and he's a great guest; bad because all the "Family Guy" sploozers flood the lines with their absurdly inane and obscure questions about the show. I've already heard one too many "Is Stewie gay?" calls.
10:05 pm:	More good news: the big boob calls have spilled over into tonight's show. The bad news: the caller (who has DD's) is 13.
10:31 pm:	Tonight's entire blog could be "Rejected calls for Seth." Latest entry: Some girl wanted to ask Seth about some voice-overs he did for some commentary track on some obscure Family Guy DVD. In the words of Huell Howser, "Ooohhh, BOY. Now THIS is WONDERFUL."
11:05 pm:	LOVE the extended sax solo in the middle of the "Family Guy" theme song. And what the hell were the actors doing onstage during the 45-second instrumental? Dancing? Changing costumes? I need to know these things.
11:07 pm:	Funny coincidence: My ex-girlfriend's dad is a musician who played on several songs in the '70s, including "A Fifth of Beethoven" from the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack with... Walter Murphy. I met Walter a few years ago at his house in LA. He showed me his professional in-home studio and told me about this cartoon he had just started working on. The cartoon? "South Park." Just kidding. It was "Family Guy."
11:09 pm:	I most certainly did NOT use the word "E-soteric." I said "obscure" or something more derisive.
11:31 pm:	"How to Be a Voice-Over Actress 101," Lesson 1: NEVER refer to California as "Cali."
11:45 pm:	There's one every night: The caller with the "GoF" was on hold for 118 minutes.

10:07 pm:	What I want to know is: Which Simpsons characters did Alex Borstien read for when she auditioned? This is interesting stuff!
10:08 pm:	Horrible callers so far. It was a struggle to get a decent lineup ready to go. We'll see how this pans out.
10:17 pm:	Sam (or Jim, or whatever) represents everything I hate about Loveline callers-- nay, humanity. I can't believe they're keeping him on hold, by the way. I want to hang up on this douche bag SO BADLY. If Sam "accidentally" drops off... you'll know why.
10:53 pm:	If there's any justice in this world, Sam will be tonight's caller who stays on hold for 120 minutes.
11:08 pm:	I could not hate Sam more. My contempt for him grows with each awful impression.
11:32 pm:	Sorry this blog is so short, but I haven't been able to get ahead on the calls tonight. Horrible calls. Example: the last guy who called wanted to ask Drew about his chronic knee infection. "Ohhh, BOY."
11:51 pm:	Ugh. Rough night. This last caller is the cream of the crop-- thank god she called, actually. Adam didn't go for my anal "breaching" follow-up. For what it's worth, I thought it would be funny to put someone on who had the wrong information. Guess not!

10:12 pm:	Nothing interesting happening with the show at the moment, so let me address one thing: the "Radio Girls" calendar from SV's behind-the-scenes photo gallery. We need a calendar in our studio, and ever since Adam and Drew hightailed it out of here and into KROQ, we (Anderson and I) have become... less of a priority, let's say. So Westwood One-- to absolutely nobody's surprise-- doesn't buy a calendar for our studio (the Chargers calendar you see if from 2004). So I was shopping at the 99-cent store (which I do often) in February when I saw their rack (heh) of 99-cent calendars. I was about to buy "Adorable Kittens" or "Pacific Sunsets" when "Radio Girls" jumped out at me. Each month features a sexed-up female DJ from across the country. Seemed like a natural fit.
10:49 pm:	The callers I'm rejecting tonight are just boring-- not even interesting. A guy just called asking for alternatives to Sudafed because he has allergies. Kill me now.
11:16 pm:	Chances that anyone will ever hear of this band again? Let's put it this way: I'll take the under.
11:18 pm:	OOOHHHH! THE Nervous Return! Of course!
11:20 pm:	Anyone else remember how drunk Adam was the night he uttered "I know what the ladies like-- they like giving me oral"? I think that was after one of Jimmy Kimmel Live's practice shows. AWESOME drop, by the way. Still one of my favorites.
11:36 pm:	Sarah is the most common fake name amongst the Loveline callers. You can just tell when a girl is lying about her name too. 90% of the time, they haven't thought ahead to give a fake name in order to avoid public ridicule. So when I say, "What's your name?" they respond with, "Uhhh... Sarah." Riiiight.

9:59 pm:	Drew's on the road tonight. This should be interesting. We're already having technical issues with the Zephyr. Seems like there are technical problems about 100% of the time when one of them is on the road, give or take 0%.
10:00 pm:	Drew's in Chicago, yet Loveline is not. Sweet irony.
10:14 pm:	Adam's in charge of the call board tonight. Whereas Drew applies a proprietary scientific formula (known only to him) to determine the call order, Adam does it more or less at random-- with the obvious exception of big boob calls taking precedence.
10:47 pm:	This reminds me of the last time we spent an entire segment on a song: "Lucretia MacEvil" by Blood, Sweat & Tears.
11:04 pm:	Drew: "What's that show where they... what is it... 'PUNK' you..?" Oh. My. God.
11:47 pm:	Ace's Mexican Ranchero Accordion Countdown has definitely run its course. Time to put a bullet in that one. Whatever happened to gambling on callers? I remember them doing that before I even worked here. At least Germany or Florida changes each time with each new story.
11:50 pm:	The caller with C-cups has been on hold for 35 minutes. If Adam doesn't go to it before the show ends, I never want to hear him bitching about me not taking enough big boob calls.

9:52 pm:	Actual conversation with a Loveline caller: Me: Where are you calling from? Mook: Benicia, California. Me: Where is that? Mook: California? Me: No, you mook, I know where California is. Where's Benicia? Mook: Uuuhhhh... it's, uh... in California? Me: click
10:12 pm:	A caller called and complained because I wouldn't take his call about smoking. "It's interesting!" he insisted. True, but there's a lot more that goes into assembling a good lineup of calls. For instance, we don't like to have too many of one gender on the board-- this time, guys. As anyone who listens to this show knows, Adam and Drew hate our male callers. So, what may be a mildly amusing story gets flushed for reasons that aren't readily apparent.
10:43 pm:	Interesting story about Adam's fight. I can honestly say something I haven't said about this show in years: I have not heard this story before.
11:31 pm:	I kinda feel like I should be watching "The Contender." Carolla loves it, and Bill Simmons (ESPN.com) raves about it all the time. But with reality shows, you have to catch the first episode of the series or else forget it. You can't jump in during the middle of the season. And forget about watching the big finale if you haven't been watching the show up to that point.
11:54 pm:	Sorry for the low number of entries tonight; they ended up going through a lot more callers than usual. The guest was the best boxer we've had (which isn't saying much, but still...).